*Sensitive* 7 week scan

[Jade2323]

I’m now 10 weeks but at our 7 week scan we received several scan photos. My friend who guessed I was pregnant then hassled me into showing scan pics so I did but felt really uncomfortable. It’s a strong word but I feel like me and my partner’s privacy and was violated. Nobody in our families know yet and when we have our next scan it’s made me not to want to show anyone these. Am i overreacting or anyone else feel this way?

[RecipIVF]

Hi 👋🏻 Some people just don’t get ‘no’ or respect people’s boundaries. It’s totally understandable to be protective over this news and your baby but especially when you feel bullied into doing something. I react to things similarly and put my protective walls up when I feel others overstep the mark. This situation is all about you and baby, don’t let your friend take this precious and exciting moment away from you. You do whatever you think is best 💗

[kelsbels88 in reply to RecipIVF]

🙏🏼 preach! Completely agree! Just a shame some people have no respect for peoples privacy xx

[Jade2323 in reply to RecipIVF]

Thank you! I will do what i feel is best for me and my partner. I’m a very private person so once family are made aware If they ask i may show them but i def no more for people who pressurise me to x

[IVFat40]

Hello hun, I wondered if perhaps your friend's intention was to show her excitement and joy for you, albeit it sounds like she didn't manage to read how you were feeling quite right. I think it's so hard when people are coming from a place of wanting to be kind but accidentally we sort of miss each other in terms of how we're feeling. I don't mean to be dismissive of how you're feeling at all (and it's absolutely ok to be assertive and say no!), and also in these situations I sometimes find it helpful to focus on what the other person intended, even if they didn't get it right (I found it really helpful after my Mum died, remembering that people's intentions were really good, even if sometimes they got what they said/did a bit wrong). And Congratulations, such wonderful news!

[Jade2323 in reply to IVFat40]

Thank you for your comment. I can understand her excitement and see what you’re saying but i didn’t want to share my news yet. She guessed because i wasn’t drinking alcohol on 2 occasions i was with her. Usually as we don’t see each other often we will share a bottle of wine. I said i don’t want to talk about it as only 7 weeks and yet she continued. I don’t believe there was any malice but it made me uncomfortable. Maybe i need to be stronger!!! Xx

[kelsbels88]

Hi Jade2323,

I feel you!

We started our IVF in oct. I’m a TA in a school and only told my class teacher, line manager, office manager and head teacher that I was doing the Ivf. They were all great and really supportive.

Months prior like in march another colleague had told me they were going down the same route and that they hadn’t started yet were still waiting for a referral.

Anyway fast forward to November I was lucky enough my round was successful and by this point I believe her round had started too. Still I had told no one apart from 2 extra people (total6 all people I trusted who would not speak a word)incase I needed cover for appointments etc.

This member of staff approached me one day and assumed they knew something and started questioning me about a risk assessment that was in place for me. Our risk assessments are individual no two are the same. She pissed me off. I would never have approached her and started questioning what she was doing or why as I respected her privacy. She did not respect mine.

I have seen so many people on this forum lose their precious babies that I still at 13wks do not want to shout it from the rooftops to my work. I will probably tell some people in conversation if I feel they need to know and eventually it will be impossible to hide but let’s just say I will not be outright telling her my news and I will just be hiding it as long as possible.

Good luck and do what you want to do. It’s your news to share and no one should be able to steal your joy until you allow them the privilege of them knowing

All the best xxx

[Jade2323 in reply to kelsbels88]

I’m so sorry that people cannot respect your privacy. I am lucky in that i am wfh so don’t have to yet deal with telling work. You’re right, i don’t wanna tell anyone until our scan which is week 13 and even then wait an extra week to be sure! Nobody knew we were going through ivf so for a friend to know and push me before i have even told my family hurts me. I think from now on if anyone asks then i’ll try and change the subject - hard saying no but it’s the right thing for me. Good luck too! Xx

[kelsbels88 in reply to Jade2323]

It’s funny I hate lies but my baby was the first time I’ve been happy to lie to other people. By no means do I condone lying but I will do it to protect them and my privacy of them. No one has the right to make you feel like you should share something you don’t want to or are not ready to.

I refused a drink from my hubbys bro because I was pregnant he gave my hubby the 6th degree as to why I wouldn’t drink this drink he had brought. Asked outright if I was pregnant we were only 6wks then so we weren’t telling anyone. We lied and said no that I was on the meds and couldn’t drink. I had been on mock tails all night so looked like I was drinking.

I had openly told hubby I would not share until I/we were ready and I would not let anyone make me feel shit or pushed into sharing before I was ready. Ppl just have no sense of respect.

Do what’s best for both of you don’t worry about others if they change based on your reaction maybe the trash is taking itself out lol although I know that’s hard.

Ps the person who questioned my risk assessment is not classed as a friend anymore. My friends wouldn’t question anything until they were told and would respect my quiet until I shared.

Feel free to msg if you need a sounding board 😉 xxx

[Hidden]

Excitement and joy you are pregnant, not many friends show an interest like that. It's OK to say NO to showing photos and thank them for showing love and enthusiasm. My suggestion is don't give in to pressure and hold your ground being pregnant you are more emotional. Reply to them let's talk later etc. Your friends love you and are excited don't lose them, it's OK to say no, they will understand

[Jade2323 in reply to Hidden]

I think the issue for me is that i didn’t tell her i was pregnant, at 7 weeks i was not ready for people to know. She guessed and i struggle to lie if asked outright. I said i don’t wanna talk about it but she continued. I felt my choice of telling people and the order (family first) has been taken away from me. I appreciate her excitement but to continue at me made me uncomfortable. Nobody knew we went through ivf, we want to wait for the 12 week scan (mine is at 13 weeks). Thank you, i need to be stronger and set boundaries. Thank you xx

[Hidden in reply to Jade2323]

She shouldn't have pushed you for the answer that wasn't fair but unfortunately being pregnant can show pretty quickly. The glow gives it away, it's strange. Everytime I was pregnant I'd get asked 4 or 5 weeks if I was 🤦. Just have a think about how you may handle those questions and to avoid to try and not give too much away.

Keeping a secret is hard boy don't I know it! So totally get you want everyone to know when your ready but sometimes they already know ❤️. So don't be disappointed if they say they already had a feeling or start questioning. Anyway take care of you and wish you a wonderful pregnancy ahead