Feeling scared about our second round of IVF in may

[Ljh1234]

Evening everyone,

We start our second round of IVF in may after a failed attempt in Feb. I’m just so scared. The closer it gets I’m just terrified it might not work again. I went into our first round very positive but also very realistic so I’ve dealt with it well, but I just can’t comprehend a second attempt not working. Our embryo grade wasn’t the best so I’m just worried this will happen again and we’ll have no chance.

I guess I’m here because I just feel so so lonely. My partners amazing but he’s so positive and sometimes you just need a good moan and allow yourself to feel crappy.

xx

[Nat246]

Good luck with your second round. My first round I had zero blastocysts to show for it and like you could not see how the second round would have a different outcome. I felt my body just didn’t work and nothing could change that. However my second round was so different and I’m currently feeding my three week old baby. Please try to focus on the fact that each round is different - this could be your successful round x

[JoyfulStar]

Really sorry your first round did not work. I had a negative first round also and it was so heartbreaking! I think fear is a natural part of IVF because at the back of your mind you are aware that nothing is guaranteed.

It helps me to personally not think about the whole thing but more the process and each step. I know the 2 stages of a cycle I dread the most having being through it 3 times now! I can worry myself to very little sleep if I’m not careful and the thing is that once that stage is over, a few days later I fall into my usual routine.

I think ultimately if your desire and hope outweighs your fear then you keep pressing on while finding ways to manage that fear as best you can. All the best! Sending much love and good positive vibes your way ❤️🙏🏾

[anz07]

It is perfectly understandable for you to feel anxious about your second cycle. I was the same (and still am!). My first cycle was a disaster - I had a low fertilisation rate (which was unexpected) and was ‘lucky’ enough to have 1 blastocyst which ended in a chemical pregnancy. My second cycle was very different - adjustments were made and I ended up with 4 blastocysts. The success rates are higher with every cycle you do so hold onto that! My partner and I are about to start our second FET (and fourth transfer) and were talking yesterday about not wanting to be back in treatment. It’s a strange feeling - part of you is desperate to have an answer and the other part doesn’t want to be back in that vulnerable and upsetting place. But, the way I see it, is that every transfer will get me to the place I’m meant to be. Maybe it will be lucky #4 for me...maybe it will be lucky #6...or maybe this isn’t the path I’m meant to be on. Whatever the outcome, I have to keep moving forward to get my answer.

Wishing you all the very best for your second cycle - stay strong, you’ve got this! 💪🏽 Xxx

[Gatarra]

Hi Ljh1234. You’re not alone ... I’m waiting for follow up next month after our failed ivf in Feb . We still have some blastocysts so it will be a frozen transfer this time. I think it will be around the end of May but not sure yet . Tbh I’m still not ok after all the medication it really messed me up. It’s the idea of all that that really freaks me out ! I hated the pessaries with a passion . Are you going to tell anyone about it ? We told everyone last time . This time I’m thinking to keep it quiet , haven’t told my mum about the follow up yet . It just made the disappointment worse having to tell everyone when asked . I think I relived it too many times! I’m trying to pretend everything is normal at the moment and trying to get back into work and having a few glasses of wine at the weekend . Just trying to get on with my life for a bit because it was all on hold for months and months . Are they doing any different for the second cycle in terms of meds / number embryos transferred ? I was wondering what went wrong with ours . I cooked in an old pan and it was really fumy , was paranoid for ages that I intoxicated myself . Then I had to run for the train twice ... and I was still clinging to a weak Instant coffee in the morning. Couldn’t really help having haemorrhoids from the pessaries but my husband thinks the pain of that could have impacted it . ....I know it’s probably bad luck but you can’t help blaming yourself . Anyway good luck with round 2 ! Maybe we will be transferring at the same time ??? 🤞

[Ljh1234 in reply to Gatarra]

Your message is so like me I could literally have written it myself! We will be hopefully be transferring end of may too so sounds like we could be doing this at the same time! We’re not going to tell anyone this time, maybe my sister as we’re very close, but apart from that I think we’ll do this one privately. We told quite a lot of people last time, family and friends etc and like you it’s just hard to keep having to tell them it didn’t work. I’m glad we were so open as it did help to know everyone was there, but this time I’d love to be able to surprise our parents with some good news so that’s what I’m going to hold on to.

I actually found the pessaries totally fine but I know a few people who have struggled with them and we’re able to do progesterone injections instead, could be worth asking your clinic?

We’re doing the exact same in terms of medication etc they don’t want to change anything. I’ve just introduced a few extra vitamins etc and I’m having a much needed bottle of wine tonight and then I’ll put out all alcohol but apart from that just the usual healthy lifestyle.

Good luck with your follow up, hopefully you can get a some answers and get started with your FET!

We can do this 💜💜

[Gatarra in reply to Ljh1234]

Hey !!How are you getting on ? Getting nervous for the follow up on Tuesday 🙄 it’s been so nice not having to think about ivf this last month ! We drank quite a lot of fizz over the bank holiday so now we are back on the healthy living ( almost - haven’t dropped caffeine yet . I’m back up to a caffettiere in the morning instead of a weak instant ! Going to drop it again when I know the treatment plan : dates). I can already feel my mind going nuts - that’s the thing with ivf. There always seems to be another appointment or drug to take so your mind is constantly focussed on counting down to the next thing . It takes so much mental energy away from actually living ! I can feel it coming even though I don’t have a plan sorted yet ! Do you have a date for your next attempt yet ? I’m hoping mine will be mid may but my periods are so messed up after the failed cycle . Last one was a week late and really similar to the one I had after the failed cycle ( bit gross but more clots than bleeding ). Was hoping my digestion would be back to normal by now as not been in progesterone for a month but it’s still messed up as well 🙄. Husband wants me to go to the gp but I honestly don’t think it’s worth it when I know it will be messed up in a few weeks again anyway !! Hope you enjoyed your last vinos before the next cycle - keep in touch x x x

[Ljh1234 in reply to Gatarra]

Sorry I’ve not been in touch sooner! I’ve put this round to the back of my mind to be honest it’s been so nice to have no ivf going on... but I start my injections TOMORROW. Omg it’s come around so so quick!! I’m feeling excited but nervous like I almost just want to say let’s not do it I’d rather not know! But I’m hoping it will all turn out ok. How did your follow up go? I hope it went ok and you can move on for your transfer. Are you still hoping to transfer end of May? Xx

[Gatarra in reply to Ljh1234]

Hey ! Good luck with the injections !!I just started down Regging so I guess the transfer will be mid June ...... came back from the hospital on Saturday with the usual huge sack of drugs !!! Bit intimidating to say the least . I’m caffeine free as of Sunday and I’ve been getting awful headaches 🙄 other than that I’m quite excited nervous ???? Keep in touch let me know how it goes and fingers crossed for you x x x

[Ljh1234 in reply to Gatarra]

Hey! How are you getting on? I had my transfer on Friday, it was a day 2 transfer which I was not prepared for, only had 1 emrbryo fertilise, again not the best quality, but we’re hopeful! I’ve had a bit of cramping today, I keep going between three options, is it implantation, is it my period starting, or do I need a poo!? 😂😂 Hope everything’s going well for your cycle! X

[Gatarra in reply to Ljh1234]

You only need one embryo🤞 I’m sure it was a good one ! I got one on my first round as well . I’m doing ok thanks - just on oestrogen now and hoping to start progesterone next week for a transfer maybe at the end of the week ?? So not too long to wait now . Feeling good at the moment as now I can tick off the days to go and it feels a bit more real ! I’ve no idea what implantation feels like but I really hope those cramps you are having are it !!! I think I imagine all the possible signs and symptoms so can’t trust myself to be objective 😂 hope you don’t go to nuts in the 2WW ! 😘

[Lozza8]

I have had two rounds like this (second I had no blastocysts) I am a strange case as I have super high AMH so must be purely quality. it’s so hard to find people in a situation where they aren’t even making healthy enough embryos to get to transfer, I feel so alone and even people in this community rarely understand. Every embryo is a chance and I can’t seem to make any. Have my 3rd round in May and I’m terrified of more bad news. Not sure I can take much more bad news. If you ever want to talk please get in touch and good luck xxx

[Ljh1234 in reply to Lozza8]

Oh I’m so sorry this happened to you it’s just so cruel isn’t it. To go though all of it and get poor embryos. I had a 2CB transferred and nothing else to freeze as they were so poor and even having my embryo transfer was just an awful experience as I just knew our chances were so low. And then to build yourself up to do another round when it could just happen again is like torture. I searched high and low for stories of people with low grade embryos and like you say there’s not a lot out there so you really do feel alone.

Wishing you so so much luck for your round in may, I’m sure we’ll speak again since we’ll be doing our rounds at the same time! Xx

[Lozza8 in reply to Ljh1234]

It’s rubbish. I think I have a bit of PTSD from it all, it affects all parts of my life and coming to terms with maybe using donor eggs is a grieving process. I’m not done trying yet though, and hope round 3 will be my round 🤞🏻 Wishing you luck for May and hope we speak then! Xx

[jengi in reply to Lozza8]

Hope you don’t mind me jumping in here. I’ve poor egg quality too. The impact this had on me was huge, like you impacted every part of my life. Mentally I was broken. We made the tough decision to move to donor. Please don’t feel alone - If you ever want to chat or vent, please don’t hesitate to pm me Xx

[Lozza8 in reply to jengi]

That’s kind of you. Thanks for validating everything. Good luck with your donor journey xx

[Ljh1234 in reply to Lozza8]

Hope everything went well/is going well for your cycle? I’m currently in the tww, again low embryo quality so not feeling too hopeful at all but I’m just ready to know now so we can move on!

Fingers crossed for you xx

[Lozza8 in reply to Ljh1234]

Hi! Thanks for reaching out! I’m in the 2ww aswell 6dp5dt, low egg quality too. I have no symptoms and it’s driving me crazy but I’m not testing to the day before the blood test which is Wednesday. Wishing you all the best! X

[Koala365 in reply to Lozza8]

I didn't get embryos with my first cycle so I followed all the advice on supplements e.g Q10, DHEA, Omega 3 , and avoiding phthalates and other chemicals and plastic and mainly had a mediterranen diet prior to the second cycle and got 3 blastocysts from just 4 mature eggs retrieved (one which stopped growing) but two were transferred and although they didn't stick I still feel like progress was made in terms of egg quality down to the changes I made. I'm heading into a third cycle trying Mini ivf this time and nervous but hopeful. Wishing you all the best with your next cycle.

[Lozza8 in reply to Koala365]

Hi, thanks for this. I’m taking coq10, DHEA (have to be careful on this with pcos) and like 10 other supplements have been added, so I hope some affect has been had. Thank you, all the best to you, will be interested to hear how your mini ivf goes xxx

[minnesota_girl in reply to Lozza8]

Hi there I had two rounds where I got no embryos to transfer, I understand where you're coming from. But the third round I got to blasto and an early blast to transfer, I got a BFP but sadly ended in a chemical...but the round on the whole was so much more positive and I got 5 healthy embryos and they performed much better overall. 🤞For your third round x

[Lozza8 in reply to minnesota_girl]

That’s amazing! Did you do anything differently? X

[jengi]

The best thing you can do is acknowledge how you are feeling, so well done for doing just that! It’s perfectly justified to feel apprehensive. Its not possible to stay positive all of the time. Take a few deep breathes remind yourself you are strong, brave and that you’ve got this.

Sadly, we have no control of the outcome of any cycle. The lack of control is tough. Expending energy on predicting a negative outcome at this stage is sooo not worth it. Though I did it every time (of which there were 7!). Also, I understand the need to be realistic too, it’s part of self preservation. Remember someone has to be the lucky one so why can this not be you, you deserve it as much as anyone!

I found Zita West’s meditation & the mindful IVF app useful during my cycles. I also did lots of counselling. It’s important to find something that works for you. Our bodies are pretty resilient & bounce back quickly. Our minds less so, they definitely need some extra TLC! Wishing you all the luck in the world. Xx

[hoping2021]

Hi hun, don’t be scared.

Everyone’s different, but I found second one easier than the first. Nothing is harder than failing the first round.

So many people succeed on the second round. And emotionally we know how to protect our hearts a bit better.

Good luck xxx

[Rosey2020]

Hey, I just wanted to say I'm in the same boat as you (failed first IVF round and should have next end May) and also very scared so thank you for posting about it and thanks to all the others with the encouraging and supportive replies as I've learned from them too!

I can relate to having a positive partner - it is great, but also hard when you're in a negative space and don't want to say anything to bring the mood down and spread the worry (at least that's how I feel anyway).

I think we'll be limiting the people we tell next time too and generally be more vague about timings to anyone we do tell.

Anyway, I wish you the very best with it! Feel free to moan at me if you ever need to xx