**Sensitive 13wks6days Scan, Disappointed but grateful🥺

Hi warriors,

This journey has been so hard for me, i was diagnosed with severe hyperemesis gravidarum at 6 weeks and have been in and out of hospital since then,

We found out we were having twins.

i have only been on iv fluids because i am unable to keep anything down, i have had ulcer before the pregnancy and now it’s much worse, larcerations were found in stomach lining with injuries in the oesophagus and something about my duodenum , i lost weight and electrolytes and constantly vomiting bile and blood (sorry TMI), i have also been bleeding off and on.

Today i had another scan and we have lost one baby💔💔

The other one is alive and well with healthy heartbeat.

I am grateful but so sad that after going through so much i push myself with the thought that i am fighting for two babies and i kinda feel maybe i did something wrong along the way that caused the life of my baby. I am devastated and wont stop crying. I don’t know how to feel okay.

I am so sorry for the whining🥺

[minnesota_girl]

oh I am so sad to hear about the loss of your baby - you really don't need to worry about 'whining' - you're experiencing loss and this is an open platform, in my experience. Your loss is as real and acute as any other loss.

I'm also very happy for you that your other baby is alive and well and healthy. You've gone through so much - it must be very hard to feel both happy and heartbroken at the same time. IVF is a complex journey and emotions are never really clear x

I am sure that there is nothing you have done - your body has been struggling and I know that you'll have been doing everything right that is within your power - and you don't even know whether your condition has had anything to do with the baby loss.

But don't worry if you can't feel grateful right now - it's okay to feel sad, loss, upset, anything you need to. For as long as you need to. Continue to take care of yourself

♥️

[Hidden in reply to minnesota_girl]

Thank you lovely, really trying to be understand how i feel as everything is numb. My only friend that knows about my journey and who i just told the outcome and who has seen me practically confined to hospital bed for weeks just gave me a reply i believe is insensitive, are my feelings not valid? am i not allowed to hurt? because she just laughed and said “ that’s okay one is still breathing, you could have had none” 😳

[minnesota_girl in reply to Hidden]

bloody hell. I'm sorry. I think people sometimes don't know how to react. Laughing feels a bit extreme - it's so hard when friends don't react the ways we want - I think that's sometimes why I appreciate this forum because we all get it. And friends, as much as they are there for us, oftentimes aren't able to be in our shoes enough and sometimes put their foot in it!!

Thinking of you - take care of yourself.

[Hidden in reply to minnesota_girl]

You are absolutely right about that “ we all get it” Congratulations on your Bfp hun. Amazing news, hope everything goes smoothly for you.🤞🏽🤞🏽

[Murielsmom]

Hi there, I am so sorry to read this. I am 11 weeks with twins and have had Hyperemesis since the beginning of my 6th week. I totally understand the agony of what you've been through. I also tore my oesophagus and have been in and out of the hospital for IV fluids. It's such an ordeal but you push through for the sake of your babies.

I can't imagine what you feel right now having lost one after everything you've been through. You have every right to grieve, cry and feel all the sadness you need to. Sending you so much healing light and strength to get through the rest of your pregnancy.

[Hidden in reply to Murielsmom]

Thank you lovely, Oh i am so happy that you are having twins Congratulations hun🤍

I am going to try to keep the will power alive, it’s just so hard because the doctor told me i would still suffer hyperemesis for two because the sac is still there!! It’s hard enough i dont know when it will stop🥺

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Your most certainly not whining lovely. You've been through such a tough time seriously its exhausting just going through mornings sickness alone, you've been through the mill and your doing so well through it all. 💗Im so sorry for your loss as long as you have support and you talk when need to you will get through this hun. Im happy you still have one that is doing well to keep you going, you have done absolutely nothing wrong at all, its just life and as you know life can be cruel at times. Take time to be kind to yourself and grieve lovely. Like original poster said there's no time on grief. Sending you lots of hugs and love 💗😘

[Hidden in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thank you so much lovely, it’s indeed cruel i still have to suffer for some more time like it’s still two! Hope your pregnancy is progressing fine? 🤍🤍

[Jonesy84]

Hi lovely, so sorry to see this. You have been through so much and this is in no way at all your fault. Life can be so cruel so make sure you look after yourself and cry as many tear as you need to.

On the flip side it’s amazing to hear you have a little fighter in there ❤️ Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Jonesy84]

Thank you so much hun, this is the only place people who are in same fight with me will truly understand the situation because even my hubby seems so casual about it and it’s pissing me off.

I am so sad i couldn’t even smile at the munchkin who was so active and kicking on the screen. Instead i concentrated on the loss💔

[Jonesy84 in reply to Hidden]

I totally agree its definitely a great group to have as people who have not been down the IVF route struggle to understand how hard things are.

Men are funny species 😂 I am sure he is looking cool on on the outside to look strong for the situation but I am sure deep down he is hurting

It would be so hard to concentrate on anything when you heard that news but bubs sounds like they were really at home showing off their moves in the camera 🥰 xxx

[PenguinBlue]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your one baby - it is truly so sad. Please don’t blame yourself, unfortunately it is one of those things that can happen so take your time to grieve but know it wasn’t anything you did. So pleased to hear you’ve got a fighter going strong though xxx

[Hidden in reply to PenguinBlue]

Thank you for the kind words hun, it’s hard not to think of the “what ifs”. Congratulations on your pregnancy hun, i’ve been away far too long..Amazing news!!! hope baby is doing well..❤️

[PenguinBlue in reply to Hidden]

It’s completely understandable but don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s awful to say that it’s just one of those things that can happen but sadly it is true.

Aww that’s so kind of you to congratulate me - baby is doing well so far! I’m 12 weeks today and have my nhs scan next week - looking forward to finally getting out of the 1st trimester! ❤️❤️❤️

[Zaazee]

So sorry about your loss and the unpleasant experience you’ve been having with hyperemesis gravidarum. I hope and pray your little fighter keeps up the fight and brings you joy.

It’s okay to be disappointed by this loss but please keep keeping on for your little fighter who is still going strong and healthy. Sending you hugs xx

[Hidden in reply to Zaazee]

Oh thank you so much hun, i feel better today and just praying and fighting for my little one. ❤️

[Wehavethis]

Sending you huge hugs.

I also had severe HG. Please DM if you want to communicate further about this.

[Hidden in reply to Wehavethis]

OMG it’s the worst and i have struggled with not hating myself and everyone around me because i am so sick, i have thought all along i wouldn’t survive this but i can’t believe where the strength comes from❤️. Thank you hun will DM

[Cinderella5]

I am so sorry for your loss, absolutely heartbreaking! Give yourself time to grieve honey, the tears need to come. There is no way of how to be ok, for now do whatever you need to. Fly high little one.xxx

[Hidden in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you so much hunie it’s been a nightmare that doctors were actually scared of how bad it got, hubby was already excited about getting things in pairs and now this💔. But thankful i am better today emotionally but still had iv fluids yesterday and being monitored. I can’t wait for any matter and the other sac to collapse maybe i might feel better from HG😥

Hope the twins are doing well and you pushing about fine? counting down already am sure🙂❤️

[Cinderella5 in reply to Hidden]

My friend had really bad HG too, getting the IV fluids always helped a bit. I do hope it settles down for you. It will just take time to process your loss hun, give yourself that time....both of you! Hold onto each other tightly!!All is ok with me thank you!!xxx

[RhinoCat]

So sorry to read about your loss and the physical pain you are going through . That sounds really tough. Hopefully things will settle a bit or that they will find a way to ease the painful side of this all.

Take it easy and be kind to yourself. You did everything you could so lease don’t blame yourself.

If we could actively do something to save the losses we would.

Hold tight. Take each day at a time and slowly slowly keep hoping for another day .

Love and hugs 💐

🦏 🐈 x

[Hidden in reply to RhinoCat]

Thank you so much lovely. Will try to keep getting better❤️❤️

[Clover5]

I'm so sorry for your loss hun and that your having such an awful time with HG and all the complications from that.Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and your little bambino 🙏. Sending love 💕xX

[Hidden in reply to Clover5]

Thank you so much hun, It’s just tiring these complications🥴

[ashbb]

I'm so sorry. This is so so sad.How your body is reacting is not your fault. I can imagine this is very very painful physically and emotionally and how you feel is totally valid. It sounds like your body has been through the mill. I'm glad one wee baby is healthy and well still.

Wishing you health for the rest of the pregnancy. ❤️

[Hidden in reply to ashbb]

oh my! it has been one bumpy ride🥴 i feel drained! Thank you for reaching out❤️