Hard knowing I should have a newborn right now.

[bms12]

So my son Benjamin's due date was the 14th of January. Here I am thankful for a positive pregnancy test but also feeling saddened that my poor little boy who was perfect and healthy can't be here as my body let him down. I'm hoping so much that we finally have our rainbow and Benjamin's memory will continue as he is entwined with our home and our hearts. I still have the recordings of his heartbeat and the thumps it made of him bashing about in there 🤣 I have his photos and his hand and foot prints and casting. Our tiny perfect baby. Just hard to overcome the anxieties of history repeating itself as I didnt think i would ever make it through. Anyway.. Sleep tight my little one and anyone having to experience the devastating loss no matter what gestation, I am here if you need to talk ❤💔

[RhinoCat]

Wow, was not aware of those dates. I’m sure your heart doesn’t know if it’s coming or going 😘 sending you hugs on this happy sad day 😘😔 hopefully your clinic will reassure you and support you with every step . You are so so brave 💖💐💐💐💐💐

Thank you for bravely sharing your journey and offering advice and hope for the rest of us 💐

Hugs of comfort and celebration ,

Let it be 🙏🏻💖

Rhinocatx 💐

[Hidden]

Point is of course you are thankful for your rainbow but in no way does it mean that you forget the one that died.

There was a girl I knew who had a baby that died and she went on and had two little girls not so little now as they are growing up too fast.

Even though she has the girls in no way will she forget the one that died.

It always hurts when you see others experiencing what you should have had but sadly lost out on when your baby died.

[ttcemmie]

Oh gosh, I'm just reading back through your posts and your story. Sorry that your positive is tinged with this sadness. I'm glad you have recordings of his heartbeat and a casting of his hands and feet, and photos, and hopefully your new pregnancy will help you through this, though Benjamin will never be forgotten. Each pregnancy is unique and I hope this one isn't too anxiety-ridden with your previous experience. I lost my only pregnancy (so far) at around 13 weeks, and I know WHEN I get pregnant again, I will be anxious until the 12/13 week scan, and probably beyond! Although, I'm sure motherhood is just riddled with anxiety, too, so it never goes away!

[Cinderella5]

Awww my love! I'm guessing it can only be natural to feel this way....my OTD date is when we spontaneously lost our first pregnancy but it was just early days! Your one strong lady, like I said you deserve your happy ending. I love the picture of the castings from little Benjamin.💔💙xxx

[bms12]

It's odd as I'm not eager to tell fily and friends about this pregnancy like I was my first 2. I think its partly be ause there is so far to go yet and also I dont want them to replace Ben and forget him because were having another child. He will always be our first born.. and my god did I have to go through a painful labour 🤣 dreading giving birth again Haha!

[Tiddly1984]

So sorry for you loss but so happy that you’re pregnant again. Benjamin will always be with and a part of you...x

[Solly-44]

💔 sending hugs & thinking of you & Benjamin xx

[Core]

Thinking of you must be so so tough, can’t even imagine xx

[FrancyItaly]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been reading your posts lately and I’m so glad to see you got a bfp! Gives me so much hope. My due date was meant to be 25th March so it’s getting closer and closer and for some reason it’s been a few days I feel more positive and relaxed. Hope your pregnancy will progress well and you’ll manage to have your baby in just a few months!

[Picalilli99]

I’m so so sorry for the loss of your son. It is great that you have those beautiful momentos and Benjamin will always be in your heart ❤️. I’m so happy that you have got your bfp and wish so much that you have a smooth pregnancy, although I imagine it is bound to be a very anxious time for you. Sending you love and hugs xxx

[Missy_22]

I can so relate to your post. I felt my body let me down too. I really hated my body for putting me through grief.

I decided to look after myself once and for all and lost weight and ate really well before our last round of ivf.

You will have your baby, it’s just right now it’s hard after all the pain you have suffered. Due dates are dam hard and I still think of my little angels and think one should be one now and one nearly three years old. It’s so hard.

It’s nice we can all talk on here and understand each other xxx

[KiboXX]

Just wanted to send you a big hug ♥️ xx

[Rainbowhope]

Just sending you love and a big hug. You have s much strength to carry on ❤