Donors

[Boo718]

Hiya for everyone out there using donors did u tell anyone? What’s ur thoughts on telling the child? Xxx

[Bunnywoo]

Hi Boo718, we're just about to start donor egg IVF. I have told a select few trusted friends, and only my parents and OH parents, and plan on keeping it that way for a while, atleast during the IVF Process and pregnancy (fingers crossed!). It's not that I'm ashamed, I just can't be doing with people's questions and comments when I am still coming to terms with the idea myself. I do intend on telling the baby that' they're from a donor egg following guidance from the donor network and their suggestions on age appropriate ways to tell them xx

[Tigr]

Husband does not want to tell anyone but the child when it is 16. There are a million ways to handle this and there is pro and contra for any scenario.

[Hidden]

Hey,I'm having the same dilemma, I'm 7 weeks tomorrow (all being well at the viability scan) and we still haven't made a decision,told parents and couple of close friends but I keep going bk and forth, if we do decide to tell our child then I would need to be open with all family and friends as I wouldn't want our child to think it was a dirty secret but as I went abroad they won't get to find out anything about their donor so i'm concerned they may resent me for it, its such a tough one! Xxx

[Boo718 in reply to Hidden]

This is totally how I feel too. We are going abroad so they would never find out who their biological parents are I’m worried that would confuse them more xxx

[baby2016]

We've told parents and very close friends. Our plan is to start talking to our child about it from a very young age as advised from the clinic counseller, of which there are some very good books for children around this subject. Once the child fully understands then we will open up to wider family etc, i'm just scared of if other people know before our child he could get bullied at school etc, so we want him to fully know first before 'gossip' starts etc. We had DE in this country so he would need to know anyway to make the decision of wether he wanted to meet our donor at some point. Its all personal really and what ever you both feel comfortable with xx

[Hope4usall]

We've told family and close friends and we will be totally honest with any child we have from a very young age, so it is 'normal' for them and they won't feel different. The donor conception network has information on how to tell your child and has books that are age appropriate that you can read with your child to explain where they have come from. My partner and I feel that honesty is the most important thing with a child. Good luck with whatever you decide xx

[Caroliono4]

We have also told family and close friends. Although it's not the same thing, we have experience within the wider family of children that were secretly adopted and I am keenly aware of how much distress it has caused them, trying to find out who are their biological parents, so it's been on my mind from the start. Also, with the arrival of DNA testing e.g. Ancestry and 23 & Me, people have a greater opportunity to find out their genetic heritage at some stage in their life. I am not ashamed at all of carrying a donor baby, it was just bad luck for us that my eggs did not work and it does not mean that our child will be any less loved. I've also used the Donor Conception Network website and intend to use the books and resources they provide to tell the child at the appropriate time. I'm aware many children are just not that interested in talking about it at a very young age but will try to always be open to them wanting to know more when they are older.

[Hidden]

Hi Boo we haven’t and have no intention of telling our little girl unless absolutely necessary. I know it’s against guidelines but how we feel. I suppose there is fear of bringing her up, carrying her, giving birth and that she may want to find her egg donor and want her more than me. We also want her to feel 100% part of us not wondering from a youngish age about her donor.

In some ways it’s not easy when people say oh she looks like me, or something like that. Maybe our minds will change in time but just now I love her and don’t ever want to think of someone taking my place. Maybe my view is selfish, oh I don’t know lol 🙈😳🙈🤪

Whatever you choose do what feels right for you both. Xxx

[Hope76]

Hi, am considering donor eggs after numerous failed transfers. I casually mentioned it to my Mum recently she said ‘ oh but you wouldn’t want the baby to have a different Mum surely’ ? I tried explaining but I think it’s difficult for them to understand being from a different generation. My partner & I have decided if we were ever to choose & have success with donor eggs we will keep it completely private between us. x