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Fertility Network UK
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Dealing with Mother’s Day

Good morning all. I just opened Facebook and saw a post by a friend saying, “yay my first mother’s day!” with a lovely photo of herself cuddling her baby and holding flowers and a card. I burst into tears. I’m usually fine on Mother’s Day but having a miscarriage confirmed only yesterday, I guess I’m not this year! I’m also feeling very anxious about leading a class tomorrow about the importance of learning through play to a group of mothers and their babies. Life - at times like this - is hard. If any of you out there are struggling today I just wanted to say that it is ok to be struggling. Please feel and accept your emotions. You may feel bitter - pretending that you don’t will make you feel even more bitter. You may feel angry, you have every right to be. Infertility and going through ivf is unfair and cruel as the majority of people don’t have to do this. You may feel sad and lost and lonely today - cry if you need to. You may feel absolutely fine and be looking forward to seeing your own mum today. You may now be a mum thanks to ivf and be having a wonderful day today. You may have lost your mum and today could be an awful double blow. Being childless is a grief - it is possible to grieve for something that you’ve never had, or had for just a short while. I just wanted to say no matter how you are feeling today or any day, recognise and accept those feelings. No matter what the feelings are - negative or positive - they are true and real and nothing to be ashamed of. Look after yourselves today and make sure you get a hug. I’m going round my partner’s mum’s today with my partner’s siblings and their partners and I know that I may cry as they all know about my miscarriage but I don’t want to dampen Mother’s Day - but they all care for me and will understand and I don’t want to be sad and stay home alone. Im just accepting that it’s been an awful week and today is a very sad day for me but I’ll get through it and there will be better days ahead and I know I’ll be strong and I’ll get my positive news if I keep on going xxx

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❤😘💪xxx

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I hope you get through today ok and you get lots of support I'm so sorry for your loss xx

I'm also finding today hard I no longer have my mum which i don't find easy anyway but today wouldve been my first mothers day if i had not miscarried, I start ivf in a week we had given it one last shot at trying naturally before starting ivf and today i started my period early so definitely struggling a bit today

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So sorry that you’re finding today hard too xxxx not having your mum on this journey must be very difficult but one day you’ll be the mum and your child will have you for a long time and you’ll love each other so much - good luck with your ivf journey xxx

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Mother's Day is so hard for so many people and your post is spot on- it's okay not to be okay. Glad you have lots of support today xx

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Thank you Hollie xxx how are you doing? How is your baby doing? ❤️

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I'm okay thank you. Still very nauseous but better than I was in the early days. I have my 20 week scan next week and still in shock I've made it this far xx

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Well you need to love that bump and rub it and cherish it all day today - I’m sure you do every minute of every day! Hope the nausea doesn’t stop you from enjoying today. Amazing you have your 20 week scan so soon, hope I’m not far behind you xxx

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You will get there and you are right I do cherish every day xx

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Best of luck with your scan!

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Beautiful and wise words ❤️

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I need to listen to my own words x

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What a lovely post you have written

Sending you big big hugs 🤗

Xxx

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Thank you! Need hugs, send bucket loads x

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Loads on there way

I am truly sorry for your lost, so crap it’s come so close to Mother’s Day,

Xxx

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Thanks for this Scarlett and I’m so sorry you’ve had a miscarriage. I think the best thing to do if your feeling low or on big occasions like today is stay off social media if you know it’s going to upset you. It’s like torturing yourself unnecessarily. It’s great that your family are understanding I hope they support you through this tough time. Sending you a big hug ❤️❤️

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Thank you - yes I shouldn’t have gone on Facebook today, I just didn’t even think then I was like uh oh, today is hard!!!!!!! Xxx

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Thank you so much for these words. You are absolutely right about everything xx Lots of love to you x

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Thank you ❤️ lots of love back x.

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Although our little lady is on her way I am, we are, still infertile. I still miss my lost babies. But I am blessed this year to be pregnant and be spending the day with my mum. I promise I won’t take a day for granted and my thoughts are with you all. I know the pain xx

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Thank you - lovely message - you have had a LOT of pain and grief to get here and not an easy journey - it will make today and next Mother’s Day all the more special for you. Enjoy every second xxxx

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♥️

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Thank you for the lovely post💜 Look after yourself and if you need to then take some time off work, it sounds like your job would be difficult for anyone given what’s happened xx

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Thank you xxx I took Thursday and Friday off but said I’d be back in tomorrow. I think I had underestimated how I’d be feeling today but I’m hoping I’ll be ok tomorrow xx

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Maybe just see how you feel in the morning, if you feel better then great, sometimes work is a good distraction. If not then it’s ok to give yourself a break xxx

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Working with families and babies is so lovely and I do love my job but going through ivf it can be so tough at times helping others yet not having a baby myself x

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That’s totally understandable, I struggle sometimes even going to family events when I know my little nieces and nephews will be there, but at least I can choose not to go, must be so much harder when it’s your livelihood. Be kind to yourself 💜 xx

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Such a difficult day for so so many. Thinking of you and sending you love and strength ❤️. Take care xx

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Thank you xxx

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Oh sweetheart, I completely understand you and have felt the same all morning 🙈. Thank god for the forum so we all know we are not the only one. Be kind to yourself today. xx

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Sorry you’re hurting today too. I give you a big virtual hug xxx

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I just feel really jealous of all the lovely pics all over Facebook of people with their babies and then I feel bad for feeling jealous! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. Going to stay off Facebook today I think x

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You’re allowed to feel jealous, but protect yourself and have a lock down on social media xxx

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If facebook upsets you don't go on there and yes it's normal to feel envious when you see others with things you want for you but don't have and it's only natural to feel like that.

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This is a lovely post. Even when your grief is still so raw, you are thinking of others who may be struggling 💕I’ve been dreading today coming around as I knew I’d be a mess and struggled even buying my mums card this year. I just sat for a while this morning holding Ebony’s ashes and crying, but I’m going to pull myself together and get ready to go see my amazing mum. I really hope tomorrow at work isn’t too much of a struggle for you my lovely. Sending love 💕xX

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Thank you so much for your lovely message. You are and always will be Ebony’s mum. You’ll never forget her and she’ll always be with you in your heart - Ebony knows that you love her. You are one strong and inspirational lady. Xxxxx

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Thanks Hun. She definitely will be ❤️. How are you doing this week? I hope the class on Monday wasn’t too unbearable 💕xX

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I’m doing ok thank you, taking each day one at a time, glad it’s Friday tomorrow. Thankfully the class was cancelled due to only one mum having signed up as it hadn’t been advertised properly so I was relieved x

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Oh good, I’m really pleased for you as that would have been so difficult and the last thing you needed! I’m glad your doing ok Hun 💕xX

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Thank you for sharing this Scarlett13 - that’s such a lovely message and has helped me this morning. I’m so sorry to hear of your heartbreak - life can be so unfair and the IVF journey is so incredibly difficult. Sending you bigs hugs xx

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I’m glad it’s helped you. Thanks for your lovely message too. I’m really struggling today to make my own words on board xxx

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Love to you and all struggling today. I’m spending today with two who’ve recently lost their Mums and my own grief about struggling to be one. Today is a hard day for many for lots of different reasons. Love to all! Xx

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❤️💕🙏🤗💐❤️💕🙏🤗

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I am extremely sad today because i was expecting to be pregnant but my test is negative. Today being mothers day i feel awful and very sad and emotional and anything you can think of. I am going to my Drs to ask if i can have IVF or any treatment that can help me conceive, I feel awful and sad and i just cant stop myself from crying. I had a dream i had a baby boy and knowing well am not pregnant makes it very sad as i had my hopes high. My period was due Thursday and its not here and it just makes it all sad

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So sorry for your pain xxxx

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❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for finding the time to type such kind words for others xx

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Thank you xxx

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Thinking of you and others in this difficult position today 🤗 Two years ago I was also struggling on Mother’s Day whilst waiting to start IVF. Today is my first Mother’s Day with my gorgeous 10 month old little boy. I’m so grateful to be able to celebrate but I’m also thinking of those people who are still on this journey.

Take care of yourself. Sounds like you’ve got some good support and lots of strength to help you move forward. xx

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Oh wow I’m so pleased to read about your first Mother’s Day with your son - I hope I’ll be able to say the same next year, congrats xxx

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Sending you lots of love you strong lady 💖 x

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Thank you xx

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A really lovely message Scarlett and one that can’t have been easy to write in the circumstances. going thru unsuccessful ivf is a grieving process and one most of us put ourselves thru multiple times which is hard but shows we are all much stronger and resilient than we think. Good u will b with others today and although not easy glad u will have people around u who love and support u. Family is really important. Take care xx

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Family is everything. Thank you coral. I ended up having a nice day in the end xx

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What a beautiful post which I needed to read today, thank you. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Thinking of you and sending hugs. I really hope one day all your dreams come true. Xx

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Thanks so much kat, good luck on your journey ❤️🤞

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Thank you ☺️ xx

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I love this picture ☺️ Thank you for sharing. xxxx ❤️

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Xxxx

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Biggest hugs lovely lady 💕 xx

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Thank you squeak xxx p🐾

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Facebook is like pouring salt in an open wound when you go on there and see others experiencing things that you sadly lost out on.

We stayed away from the places that rip you off and do mothers day spreads today and don't feel we missed out on anything.

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You’re right. Got to protect ourselves when we can xxx

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This year Mother’s Day I feel strange I do have 2 kids but have lost 3 babies lately. Ive been thinking of the people who this day affects like people struggle with infertility who desperately want to be a mother, people who have miscarried the chance snatched away, the people who have lost their mum my partner has just last month, he’s dealing with today so well considering. My friend has adopted children and she always says she’s hates Mother’s Day as the kids sometimes feel why did their biological mum gave them up the kids get so sad. It’s not a straight forward happy day for everyone, it’s same with Father’s Day. I bought my partner a card last year with this time next year the sound of tiny feet I feel my heart goes when I think about it coming up.

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Thanks for your lovely message. So many different and unique complex stories are intertwined on days like these xxx

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What a beautiful post. So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Lots of love to you xx

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Thank you Jojo ❤️

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❤️❤️❤️

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SO sorry to hear about your miscarriage. But I am glad you now know you can get pregnant and hope you are willing to try again. I held on till about 2pm yesterday before the tears came. I'm glad it's over. Fingers crossed for everyone struggling that next year, Mother's day will be a celebration xx

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Thank you so much - I’m planning on trying again as soon as I can. Well done on getting through Mother’s Day. Let’s hope like you say that next year will be a celebrationx

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Aww hun what a beautiful post and thank you for sharing.

I'm sorry that you are going through this, I too experienced a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago so understand your grief but I am also hopeful that we too will realise our dream.

Thinking of you 💜

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I’m so sorry, I just read your last post. How devastating to get as far as the scan and receive the heartbreaking news. I’m so sorry that you’ve had a mmc before that too. How are you feeling and coping? What are your next steps? I hope you are finding positivity in the fact that your body is able to be pregnant, despite the awful sadness that losing your pregnancy entails xxx after 6 embryos have failed to implant, im so hopeful to know that my body can let an embryo implant as it gives me hope that this can now happen again - but the blow of a miscarriage is a very real pain xxx

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Thanks hun for your kind words. It's been tough I've ok days and bad days, I guess that's all part of the grieving process. I'm lucky to be surrounded by a wonderful support network. You are right we both need to look at the positive of our situations. I am certain that we will get through this and realise our dreams.

I'm seeing the FS tomorrow to discuss next steps. I have two frozen embryos and want to move forward as soon as we can.

What are your next steps?

Thinking of you and sending you loads of positive thoughts and love 💜💜

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I’m the same - hoping to go again ASAP! I have 4 Frosties. Just want to keep going xx

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That's great you have 4 frosties.

I hope it happens real soon for you xx

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Thank you - I only had one fresh embryo from round 1, I had 3 embryos from round 2, and 7 from round 3?! I so hope I get a baby from 11 goes 🤞🤞🤞🤞

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Wow you had an amazing round 3. Did you do anything differently in round 3? I've had 2 cycles, 2 embryos round 1and 3 embryos round 2.

We had our first FET last October. I'm in two minds whether I do another fresh cycle ASAP or a FET with the 2 embryos. I'm turning 40 end of next month so am anxious I'm running out of time, will see what the FS suggests tomorrow.

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Sorry just seen this! I did DHEA, ubiquinol, and melatonin for cycle 3 and only used baby friendly toiletries and avoided using plastic as much as possible as well as going caffeine and alcohol free, eating healthy and going to the gym x

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Thanks hun for responding. I met with FS this week and am also going to start on DHEA, melatonin and ubiquinol. My only concern is the possible side hair loss effects of DHEA. I have fine hair and not much of it. Did you experience any hair loss or any other side effects?

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I never had hair loss - I worried about that too - but I think you have to be on it long term for that to happen

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I do so hope one of your Frosties is your baby xxxx great that you have 2 xxxx

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A lovely post Scarlett xxxx

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