Scared..anxious..why am I feeling like this 😥🙃

[Niki_B]

Hello lovelies 💕

Ok so AF is due tomorrow, but knowing her she'll rear her ugly head when she feels like it. So I know a good majority of what I'm feeling right now is her PMS 🙃 so I'm suppose to ring the clinic upon her arrival and they will advise when I start prognyova, in prep for my FET....which I just got the prescription filled today and a huge box of them staring at me on my bedside table. The closer I get to starting the more scared and anxious I'm becoming! You'd think I'd be excited to finally get this going. Where is all that enthusiasm, and hope I had when I found out I had 2 frosties? I should be so grateful, happy and excited! As I had no frosties first round. But I'm not. I think knowing I've got those frosties there, means there is still hope and I still may become a mother. As many of you know if these 2 frosties dont work...this is it unfortunately 😥 we simply do not have money to fund another round. How do I deal with the fact that I may never be a mother? The very thought of it makes my heart start to race and a massive lump in throat. And no i cannot adopt as I have a history of mental health issues they wont even look at me 😞 I wish I could just try and be positive and excited. I think I got it my head that it's just never gonna happen and I hate that I'm so negative 😞

Sorry there is no real point to this post I'm just feeling so worried and my anxiety is through the roof. I think I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening and sorry if I sound like a total downer.. I blame AF the crazy twat 🤣🤣🙃😫 xxx

[Cinderella5]

Ahhh Niki, what you are feeling is completely normal I think....or maybe its just us! Lol Its an anxious time thinking about starting again, the pressure we feel under is huge and that together with PMS is never a good combination! Dont be so hard on yourself hun.....says me that has been a nervous wreck the last few days! You're just having one of those shitty days where all hope and positivity has gone out of the window....heck we all have them! Big hugs lovely, hopefully once the witch arrives some of those nasty feelings will go!xxx

P.S. your dog is a beauty!xx

[Niki_B in reply to Cinderella5]

Thanks hun. Yeah everytime the witch comes I'm a loopy emotional wreck the few days before..so maybe she will be on time lol 🙃 just so terrified but I have 2 chances left..not 1. I could understand being like this if it was my last embie... heres hoping I get out of this funk asap!

Oh gosh hun I can only imagine how your feeling! My anxiety would be having a party! Lol. But you had some good news Wednesday so let's try and focus on that 😍🤞💕 xxx

And omg he is a beauty alright isn't he! I love that dog more than any living breathing thing in this world! Not even exaggerating! Lol. Thank gosh I have him he is the light in my life 💖💕🐕🐶

[Cinderella5 in reply to Niki_B]

That's when I knew I was due mine too, there was always tears at something....ha ha ha. I think the just not knowing and being so out of control is the worst but just keeping reminding yourself that what you are feeling is normal.....its unfortunately just something that we have to learn to accept even if we dont deal with it very well.

Im ok, having a few wobbly moments wondering if all is ok but there really is nothing I can do, just got to hold on to that hope everyday that all is ok and going the right way.

Yes, he is gorgeous! Go and have some doggy cuddles and take yourselves out for some fresh air....helps clear the head!xx

[Niki_B in reply to Cinderella5]

I guess it's just part of this crazy rollercoaster isn't it. The anxiety, the unknown, the constant stress! 😫

Yes hun hope...we all need to hang onto it dont we! I'm sure you are going to have alot of wobbly moments, but as you said it's ok.. and normal. I hope that wee one is making a nice comfortable home as we speak 🤗😍💕

Might not be a good idea going out at midnight for a walk 😉 but I did take Jackson to the beach today, was a beautiful summer day and threw him many sticks while he swam in the ocean, it was nice. Hes lying right beside me passed out hes knackered 😍🐕💕 xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Niki_B]

LOL I keep forgetting you're on the other side of the world so when its morning here its bedtime there!! Ahhhh sounds like you've had a lovely wee day with Jackson and I love the ocean, so peaceful....definite bonus of living by the sea!! Try to relax and get some sleep!xx

[Niki_B in reply to Cinderella5]

Yep opposite times and opposite seasons 🙃 yes we did have a lovely day and me too! So nice having the sea a 5 to 10 minute drive away...part of the reason I love New Zealand 💕 thanks for your kind words...and assuring me I'm not bonkers, and that witch AF is to blame 🤣🤣🙃 xxx

[MissSaoPaulo]

Of course you're feeling like this. On my 2ww, even though we still had 3 more in the freezer!! I was convinced none of them would work and was working out whether if we sold the car we could try again!!!

It's so hard, there are no guarantees and so much riding on it and it's pretty much completely out of our control. Sorry, I'm not being comforting at all! Just want you to know that the way you're feeling is normal. Wishing you all the luck in the world, as that's what it seems to come down to xxx

[Niki_B in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Thanks hun. You are being comforting..just by saying it's normal. Sometimes I feel guilty and selfish and get mad at myself for feeling like this...I should be so lucky I even got a chance to try and have a family, and that I was lucky enough to have 2 frosties..some people dont get this far. Hopefully when AF shows up I wont be feeling so rough. Thank you..I know it is luck.. and unfortunately I tend to be un lucky. Lol. 😉🙃💕 xxx

[hannahding]

I hope it works out for you. Just stay positive. I would suggest visiting a therapist. Also, try to keep your mind busy as well. This will really help you out. Other than that during this process make sure to take care of yourself. Eat food that is high in nutrients. Sending baby dust your way.