Feeling left out and upset 😞

[Bec-A]

Feeling a bit meh today as feel really left out. Basically my sister in law is 5 months pregnant and everyone's so excited obviously. We have a family group chat and the last few weeks the excitement has been getting bigger and bigger everyone is messaging constantly about how excited they are and it's all getting a bit much. I feel a bit forgotten about, up to now they've been great and so supportive but now it's like they don't care anymore and don't even realise it's upsetting to me to get messages daily about how excited they all are 😞Am I being dramatic? Xx

[Georgina78]

I don't think you're being dramatic at all Hun, I know exactly how you feel because my SIL is also pregnant and if you'd seen my last post you'd see I didn't even cope very well with seeing baby stuff out at my MIL's house, I really don't know how I'd cope with frequent messages. Do they all know your situation? If so it's pretty insensitive to not think how all those messages might affect you. Are you able to have a sensitive word just saying that while you're happy for them, the messages are a constant reminder of what you haven't got? It can be difficult though I know, you don't want to look like the bitter one who isn't happy for others 😕

I'm dreading the excitement taking over, it's already getting there. I hope it gets easier for you xx

[Bec-A in reply to Georgina78]

That's what I don't understand they ve been so supportive up to now. But next week is the 5 month scan where they find out the sex so I'm getting countdown messages about it and messages about how to reveal the sex to people. I just want off of the chat but obviously can't do that 😞 I think they ve just forgotten about how it might affect me and expect me to be jumping for joy. I've been really good up to now and looked at her scan photos, said I'm happy for her on so many occasions but this is too much and I wish they'd just talk about it when I'm not there 😞 It's hard isn't it hope your ok too xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Bec-A]

Yes, you can get off the group hunny... but you might have to be sneaky. Uninstall the group messaging app and say your phone has had a melt down, and you can't get the app back on it. Or other similar scenario. You have the right to protect yourself from this constant onslaught of painful reminders.

[Georgina78 in reply to Bec-A]

I often honestly think I've made it so easy for my SIL and partner by being calm, rational and happy for them but then doing all my crying at home. I don't mean that in a mean way, it's not in my nature to lose it or make a scene but I think they might now think I'm not as upset as I really am. Maybe I should have been more honest. That could be what's happened with you, they've thought you would be more upset so they think you're fine and see nothing wrong with including you in all that joy with no regard for how it might be affecting you.

When my SIL put a post on facebook about seeing their babies heartbeat, the day before our otd and when I was bleeding following a bfp, I really wish they'd left us out of the post like you can on facebook so I totally get how you feel. I hope it gets easier Hun xxx

[Tugsgirl]

No. I'm in a group message too where my last remaining best friend has just announced her pregnancy and although she is mindful of my feelings the others aren't. I've muted the conversation and will only look at it again if and when I feel ready xx

[Bec-A in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thanks 😀 I just wish people would talk about it when I'm not there, I'd rather be left out. It'll be totally different if and when I get pregnant I won't be socialising it and talking about it as much as others! Xxx

[Rosalietea]

I have been there too. My brother announced his wife pregnancy to my parents just as I had gone to stay and to tell them that our first cycle hadn't worked. They are very social media happy and once my nephew was born I had constant messages, Facebook posts, Instagram posts, Snapchat posts and also a new app they invited me to called tiny beans to document their parenthood journey. I can totally empathise. It can be far too in your face. I let my Mum say something and in the end wished I'd done it myself as I think she might have offended them. They removed me from the app and sent slightly fewer messages. If I'm honest I still feel torn between wanting to be overjoyed for them and horribly hurt that I just feel immense pain instead. Infertility is incredibly tough and I try not to berate myself too much. I do the best I can xxx

[Lou290901]

Hiya, I just wanted to say my sister is in the same pain as you, 8 years they've been trying for a baby and sometimes I feel our MIL (we're married to brothers!) is so insensitive. It really started to get to me so I changed 'mothers day' into our family 'women's day'! So she could be included. It didn't sit right with me celebrating Mother's Day with my children and our MIL when my sis so desperately wants to be a mum. Anyway we have started the road to surrogacy, our 1st round sadly ended in m/c but I am positive for the next round. I won't give up! I am determined to help them get their dream. Chin up and keep strong. X x