Loss of intimacy with husband after IVF?

[LarkA]

Hi everyone. So we had seven years struggling with our fertility one way or another. It was due to my body we had issues concieving but eventually after four cycles including two miscarriages I gave birth to our baby girl last year. We are very lucky and have some embryos frozen too. My husband is a gem of a man, truly. He supported me through our troubles conceiving when I thought I'd go mad and he is a wonderful father. He works all day and comes home and he still wants to put the baby to bed and bath her etc. He's very hands on. So why do I feel so lonely?

Since before we started trying for a baby he's never been a man who wanted sex all the time (he did want sex occasionally but not all the time) and that didn't matter to me because we did have it occasionally, and besides which we love each other and he is very affectionate. But steadily over the years he's just stopped. This has hit me especially hard since I had the baby. Maybe even worsening through IVF, I'm sure it did but can't remember exactly. I don't just mean sex, I mean intimacy of any kind. He doesn't sit next to me of an evening when the baby is asleep, he doesn't cuddle me in bed, he doesn't kiss me or put his arm round me. He comes from a very nurturing background and his parents still cuddle and kiss etc and it's so lovely. I just don't get it.

It's just hit me especially hard recently as he started talking about when we might use our frozen embryos to give our daughter a sibling. Which I also want, I would love to do that but I'm struggling as I suggested we try to have sex and concieve naturally just to see as sometimes even women who needed IVF the first time have concieved on their own. He agreed but whenever I suggest we try he makes a big deal out of it and says no with this attitude. It was his idea? I'm just so confused. We had a little tiff today, where I said he's talking about wanting me to put my body through all that again, which I don't mind, if we have to, but he won't even try having sex first?! I admit maybe I was a bit petty and said something like, it's not exactly a hardship you won't even try something so simple as having sex with your wife before asking me to stab myself with needles and all the rest. But he's acting like having sex with his wife is a hardship, and yes, it may be with a not quite one year old but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to before I put my body through IVF is it? It makes me feel so unattractive and unwanted

But even without the sex, which I could live without, I'd miss it as I am a sexual person but I love him so I could make do. No relationship is perfect. But I just want some intimacy? I want a cuddle when I curl up before I go to sleep, a kiss or even my husband holding my hand while we watch TV is that so wrong?

I have spoken to him about this before so many times and he always says he's sorry and he doesn't want me to feel lonely and yes we can try to make time just to sit together but he never does. He's always playing games and stuff sucked into his little gaming world which I don't mind, again I have been known to get a little lost in a game or two, but just even when we go to bed, or one night a week in front of the TV is like a little affection. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall when I tell him how lonely I am sometimes and I have even cried before and it never changes. I wish we could afford marriage counselling but we just can't right now with the baby and me only just back at work. I don't even know what to do. I even looked up asexuality as I thought maybe that is what was happening with him but he said I was reading too far into things and dismissed me. Im a bit lost. At the start of our relationship he wanted sex, he wanted to cuddle me, kiss me but that's all gone and I can't help but think IVF is to blame? We have a beautiful daughter I just want to enjoy her and my husband but I'm so lost.