I feel sad about being single because I think it is due to facial palsy

[charlesray]

I am a 23 year old man with facial paralysis since birth and I've never had a girlfriend.

When I was a teenager I did not bother about being single and I felt comfortable being so, I thought I would find someone later. But years have passed and I have not had any good experience in dates.

Over the years my appearance has improved a lot and is only noticeable when I smile or when blinking. I like to think I'm a nice person and I'm sad because I feel that most of the people can not see the person beyond my face. I tried not to think about this but when I go out to eat with friends I'm the only one who is always single. I feel a lot of distress when I hear about their future plans as couples but I've never told them.

I think people around me do not quite understand how I feel, that is why I want to share this here. I'd like to hear stories of others in my condition or advices or words of encouragement to cope with this. I don't like to lose hope of starting a family in the future

[Chantev]

Hi Charlesray

I do really understand how you feel, it's tough being in this world where everything is focussed on the physical aspects. Everyone is so obsessed with the way the look etc, I find this so superficial...don't loose heart, take up some new hobbies, walking with a group, doing some stuff that is more rewarding, try and find something like volunteering in a totally different environment than your usual one and meet new people. Note I did not mention the gym, as these are populated by people obsessed by their bodies and are vapid...I have facial palsy but I got it late in life, fortunately my husband knows the person I really am. My strategy for deflecting looks from my face is to have a slick hair cut, a groomed attitude and some very smart clothes, this helps me to have more confidence...and please work on your posture, hold your head high and no victim posture.

Hope this helps and I hope to hear from this blog that you have developed into a more confident young man and not feeling so sad...SMILE at every one...

All the best

[charlesray]

I really like your comment. Is true that we live in an era of obsession with a certain ideal of beauty imposed by permanent announcements. I try not to be affected by that.

I thank you for giving me tips to feel more confident. I had not thought that small things can make a difference when interacting on the street. For example it is real that sometimes I walk with improper posture.

it's curious you mention the gym. I'm just starting to go there, i agree that some people there is very critical about physical aspect but I focus on exercise and ignore them. I feel less sad, more energetic, more alive with my heart beating harder.

I also hope to bring better news in this post in the future.

Happy Easter

[Jessic93]

Hello :), Don't give up, you deserve love and a family as much as anyone else. like another post said we are extremely perceptive to body language, if you walk into a bar with your shoulders slumped and hand over your face you aren't going to get women falling at your feet. Be yourself, Be happy, meet new people, and if someone doesn't want to go out with you, don't immediately blame it on your face, you probably just haven't clicked, people get rejected everyday who don't have facial palsy...

[charlesray in reply to Jessic93]

thanks for your advice jessic!

[anon1121]

I know you posted this four months ago, and I am unsure if you still check this, but I was wondering how you have been adjusting. I myself am a 23 year old female who has had bells palsy for about five months now, and I can completely relate. It seems that people our age are so superficial about looks. I know I always was until I started experiencing this. Being single, I lack a certain support or acceptance that I'd have if I was already in a relationship.

Anyway...I appreciated your post. It made me feel less alone. I hope things are looking up for ou.

[charlesray in reply to anon1121]

Hello, it's true what you say about people our age.

I have progressed a lot in these months I set out to change. I think the most important has to do with having a PROPER SELF-ESTEEM. I mean having full acceptance of yourself as you are, what makes you more resistant to criticism and rejection because basically you know who you are and they do not affect you. And I'm not talking about being conformist but be proud of who you are and gradually put on new challenges. It also prevents being aware of the reaction of other people, in my case I did that and I felt good when I was “approved” and I felt bad if rejected, with good self-esteem that does not happen.

BETTER ACCEPTANCE SHOULD COME FROM OURSELVES AND NOT FROM A PARTNER.

In a healthy relationship both should be at the same height and no one feel inferior to the other.

Still single but at least I have learned from many mistakes committed when I meet a new person, they have to do with fear when talking face to face. I am gradually exposing to increasingly complex social situations and I am learning to manage my anxiety in such situations.

I hope this helps you , I am open for further conversation.