4year old withholding - tried everything please help!

[Beagle84]

My 4 year old daughter has been withholding since we potty trained her 2 years ago! She became really constipated when we first potty trained her (during 2020 lockdown) and it led to a fear of going on the toilet! We went through disimpaction with movicol towards end of last year, and then on the advice of a lovely lady from ERIC we got her asking for a nappy when she needed to poo. It was going really well and we tried to progress to the next step which was sitting on the toilet with a nappy on to go. It took months to get her to agree, and after doing it twice she started withholding again! She then stopped asking for a nappy and started going in her knickers again. We are now back to soiling several times a day and I think we need to go through disimpaction again.

She is due to start reception in September and I’m really worried about it - she already gets so upset about going to nursery even though they’ve been great about it. I have tried reward charts, apps such as poo goes to poo land, songs and videos whilst on the loo, blowing bubbles etc, lots of praise etc but nothing is working she is still remaining firm.

Has anyone been through similar and got any advice? I’d been hoping it would just click one day but no. Am considering trying a potty again as a half way point to the toilet but not sure if that’s a good idea or not? Any help would be very greatly appreciated.

[BeeBeeBuzzyBee]

My 4 year old son is similar. What worked in the past was toilet/potty sits after a meal. My son now only seems comfortable on a potty in the evening, the rest of the time he messes his pants. He's in school. Firstly, try not to worry about school too much. Speak to the nursery, they will be in contact with her future school and can tell them an intimate care plan will need to be in place (to clean her up). If you're still concerned, speak to her school, you shouldn't have to worry on top of dealing with your withholder. However, I wish I knew the answer to their withholding. My son withholds, has an accident and then doesn't want to be cleaned up (embarrassed probably). I'm still looking for answers. There is a Facebook group called Movicol Mummies which has lots of people in similar situations. Sorry I wasn't of more help.

[Beagle84 in reply to BeeBeeBuzzyBee]

Thank you for your reply, it’s frustrating isn’t it.

[14crosstitch14]

I have that this helps, plenty fluids and fibre also chis seeds, got from aldi has a lot of fibre will go in all food mix in cake. Add and mix to yogurt. Also prunes really help, after a lot of sweetcorn every meal salad and veg. She won't be witholding for long after all that for a few days.

[14crosstitch14]

Just have to keep going, its a lot of work and frustrateing. We have a toilet toy/ fidget toy and put music on alexa for my s daughter. Plenty fibre and sweetcorn so she can not withhold and routine toilet sits after meals and before bed. She now takes herself most of the time. Its been 2 years and a lot of going backwards with her living arrangements of half with us and half with her mum. Were getting their slowly. Get a routind going and plenty fluids so it soft. Tgeirs poo books and songs. Child toilet seats we did everything. The music works and the toilet and we changed the lighting. Make it a little comfortable if possible and if you have toy potty with a dolly. Play games with that.