How do you cope?

[Jelly87]

Hello, my son is 7 and had been soiling for the last 5/6 years. He's been under the care of the continence team for about the same amount of time with various different approaches and doses of medication and treatments. The last 6 months have been even worse than ever with no apparent reason. There ends up being poo everywhere from the bathroom toilet, to the walls and sink where he puts his hands, to the washing up basket to the kitchen sink where I once found a dish cloth with poo all over it. I have to wash all clothing at a high temp otherwise it comes out smelling. He wears liners but still I have to scrub his pants daily. I'm due a baby soon and also have a 5 year old to care for. I'm so stressed out by all this how do you cope? He is due to see a consultant in a month's time after nearly a year on the waiting list.

[Elisa007]

Hi,

Just wanted to say you are not alone in this. My son does similar and is same age.

After a long battle we have finally got a second opinion and my son has surgery in January to start things off.

I’m hoping it will make a change but I’m not sure. It’s been the continence nurse that pushed us to go for a second opinion as no one has really checked him out physically.

It’s so frustrating to deal with as a parent. Other people don’t understand unless they’ve had kids with similar issues.

Maybe go back to continence team and be firm, see what they say?

[PinkSciFi]

We have a 12 year old who has had problems with soiling and wetting since he was out of nappies. We knew he had been constipated and he’s been on laxatives for some time, but until a recent tummy X-ray didn’t realise how much this is still a problem - hopefully we are now down a path which will see a resolution.

In answer to your question, I’m afraid I can offer more in empathy than I can in coping strategies. I constantly feel on the edge, and a few years ago reduced my hours in work in an attempt to help my mental wellbeing (I earn more than hubbie so this is a big deal, but hubbie very much supported this decision anyway).

Things that have helped us are:

- reading ‘A boy like me’ with him - didn’t resolve the problem but helped open up communication and mostly stopped him trying to pretend he’d not had an accident

- having a nappy bucket in the bathroom to soak soiled pants in before rinsing then washing - got rid of the smell most of the time

- taking time out for myself sometimes

- trying to focus on other things with him, so he’s not just the boy who poos himself

- trying to remember that I can’t control his accidents but I can control my reaction to them

Good luck! It’s a really isolating problem because we want to keep it discrete for the sake of our kids, but it’s more common than you’d think and you are not alone x

[Lollyshrekmum]

I really feel for you it is a frustrating problem. My son is 11 and has suffered for a long time too. I follow the the same advice as the ladies above as well!

We also buy stacks of cheap baby wipes and have a small bin in the bathroom with a liner in it. My son cleans up with baby wipes and disposes of then in the bin. Pants go in a soapy bowl we keep in the bath. Sometimes I find dirty clothes in his room but I keep trying to get my son to follow to routine in the bathroom.

We give medicine after school to keep accidents at home.

I come on here a lot to feel I'm not alone it helps.

Wishing you love and kindness.

Remember you are doing you very best.

[Robinia]

5/6 years of constant soiling and medication not working- deffo time for a consultant opinion.

I really hope you get some good support soon. We are on our 4th hospital now, hoping and praying they will help my son to finally stop being constipated and constantly soiling. Really great replies above- it’s deffo helped my son’s mental health that we have found ways to manage the practical side of things eg went trampolining today so he had an ibuprofen before and then I took him home for a shower before going round my friends house where we had been invited. We also have the bucket of pants- I find the oxygen stuff similar to Vanish helps with the soaking. It takes a toll on their mental health and self esteem and mood and that’s almost the worst part (especially when they get older like my son).

Big love to all your children who are struggling with it, I will post if we have success with the latest hospital x