5 1/2 year old stool issues- potty training for 2 years- what do i do next?!

[Beachesandcream]

Sorry about the long post, but HELP! So, my son is 5, had very long laborious toilet training, he is now dry but poos still an issue. He goes twice a day in bathroom but is always very resistant. We/ He has seen a paediatrician for about a year, i have explained frequent soiling, no desire to poo in the toilet, he will have NO discussion about it (and never has) so dont really know what the problem is. Specialist paediatrician palpated his stomach, confident no impaction but maybe slight build up so put on movicol twice a day to make his poos soft, clear the build up, let his bottom muscles recover until he could pass more firm stools. So here we are a year later, his muscles have recovered, there has been no pressure from us about it (prior to seeing paediatrician we had spoken to Eric about all the normal toilet training stuff, incwntives, reward charts etc but to no avail). So now we are on half a movicol a day, his muscles are great, if you gave him a promise of something he wanted he could squeeze out a poo instantaneously so has the capability but no drive to do this himself. Im now worried that he would still poo himself every day in life unless we coaxed him into something he would like in order to produce the 'goods'. He has the capability so now it just feels like a will issue (he resists getting changed on a morning, brushing teeth, washing hands, anything that is not playing with toys/watching tv etc so very his style). So- do i manage it more firmly and have discussions about it to let him know its a reasonable thing to expect him to poo in the toilet/let me know if he needs one? Do i contact someone to see if we can have some psychological guidance on what the issue is and how to resolve it? Or do we carry on keeping the pressure off and hope it will sort itself out? I have been toilet training him for 2 solid years and his sister for last year or so, help!!!!

[Bel_23]

I’ve been there. Although all kids are different, I realised once we’d got through it that he just wasn’t ready. 5 feels really late, but I suspect that other kids’ toileting is less advanced than you think. This doesn’t help, but do feel reassured that unless there is a physical issue they all get there in time. What messed with my boy was all the intervention that made him terrified of going for a poo. I now believe that support and understanding rather than rewards and punishments is a better approach. The Boy Who Pooed His Pants blog (he’s on here and you can search the web for him) helped me understand it from my son’s perspective better.

In the end we used movicol (1 sachet a day) so that we had control of when he went to the toilet. We gave it at teatime for a poo before school in the morning. That reduced the pressure for us as parents, and made it more likely that we would get him to go on the toilet. He’s now nearly 7 and accidents are rare, he usually just goes after breakfast.

It’s such a hard thing to work with. I hope you find something that works - good luck!

[Misty10 in reply to Bel_23]

Hi do u find they still soil or not .

[Misty10]

What we have been doing .if u want them away from potty ,is hide the potty go to bathroom have a chart stuck up we got pictures of 3 toilets so 20mins after food intake do a toilet sitting we use a toilet seat and a old bucket turned upside down so his legs are higher than the hips .we use a windmill so she blows that 2 to 5mins no negatives just positives it works .use a liner in pants if disimpaction then we use pull ups as it's a nightmare with the poo.when done a poo or wee on toilet we colour in the chart after one week of colouring in pictures she goes to shop to buy something only a pound.also does it still hurt him when he pooping. If concerned I would go back to your dr for a referral.