Newbie needing HELP....My 11yrs old son soiling himself from the age of 5yrs old... i dont know what to do!!!

[sazjo20]

I am a desperate mum, running out of ideas of what to do... my 11year old son has been soiling his pant from age of 5yrs, after seeking medical advice they have told us they feel that its not medical and that its a psychological problem and needs to see a psychologist.

Every day is a battle of constant reminders to use the bathroom no matter where we go or what we do i have changes of clothes and wipes as if i have a baby. My son never comes to us and says ....we or someone else says their is smell or he is automatically being told to go use the bathroom, if we are in our own house he is told to get a shower. Sometimes this happens 2/3 times a day and it doesn't matter who is there.

Please can i ask if anyone has any solutions or ideas, we have tried keeping calm, removing precious items, i have been angry, i just don't know what to do as we have even went back to basics and like potty trained techniques but still soiling happens..

i look forward to hearing from anyone.

Thanks for listening...

Sazjo20xxxx

[TwoDividedByZero]

I’m sorry to hear this. It sounds really hard for you and your son. I’m wondering exactly what medical advice you have had so far. Who have you seen about it? Is it your GP only, or have you been referred to a specialist?

[Slice]

At eleven, he's certainly getting to the point where with guidelines, guidance, as well as a lot of TLC and patience, you should be able to get him to start doing this himself. Also, if you haven't tried this already, see if you can find some time to sit down with him and talk to him. See if maybe you can get him to open up to you and tell you what's bothering him. This might very well be a psychological or emotional problem. Is he getting bullied? Remember that what ever may be going on, he may blame himself for what has happened, or think that you are/ or will be angry with him. Swing the door wide open and let him know that what ever it is, that you don't want to punish him, but just see if you can figure out why this is happening and help him stop it, and let him know that you will give him amnesty if it has been on purpose but work will have to be done to stop it. Another thing to consider is whether he is aware of either when he needs to go or that he has gone in his pants. Are there any physical accidents shortly before this started such as a blow to the head or spinal cord? Has there been any type of illness that corresponds with that time? Just some things to think about. Good luck, and remember to always show him that loving (at least in a way that won't embarrass him). LOL

[sazjo20 in reply to Slice]

hi there Slice

thanks for you reply but to be honest i have tried talking one on one, i have even tried him talking to other family members who he is very close to but with no joy. I am 100% certain he is not being bullied or isn't suffering anything emotionally. When this initially started it was put down as an emotional issue because me and all my children are close and i started going to a night class and it seemed that was when the soiling began. when it first began i went to the point of keeping paul of school for about 6 weeks but then i went in and had a meeting with his teacher and we worked together but as i say he's now in his last year of primary school and i am so very afraid incase it turns into bullying as i can't protect him when he's in school and i have told him this and he is not stupid child.

[Nicky555]

I have a 13 yr old foster child who came to me last year. We were told his soiling from age 5 was also psychological. I went to Gp and got referred to continence clinic. They suggested disimpaction and that this was chronic constipation which lead to damage to nerve endings in the rectum so he couldn’t feel when he needed to go and not psychological. We did disimpaction and followed a strict medication and suppository regime over many months gradually reducing. Now on maintenance meds of 2 sachets movicol and no accidents since disimpaction 8 months ago. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Please get referral to continence clinic.

[triciaroo]

Firstly, I'm so sorry you're all dealing with this. We're going through a similar situation with our little boy, although has four and our anxiety is him starting school next week. Given how awful we're finding things, I can only imagine the stress and strain this has put on your family over so many years.

I don't have much to add as our issues aren't resolved yet, but did think of a couple of things. Firstly, I would never rule out some kind of emotional or psychological factor. It's worse to think of than a physical cause (I know because I'm there too), but what I've started to realise is that we can't be sure because someone isn't suffering in that way. It could well have started as physical, but the toll of having this issues for so long may well have added a psychological element over time. I know what an impact it has had on me so accept that it has probably far worse for my son

Secondly, I've just made an appt with a private consultant. That's why I popped on here actually (wanting to see if anyone has any experience with private treatment) as our NHS appt at the hospital is not until December. Our initial consultancy is costing £185, just for info. It might be worth considering if you can stretch to it? I can't advise on treatment costs as have no idea yet and I imagine they vary, but perhaps it's another avenue to look at.

I really hope things improve soon xx

[Slice]

From what you say, it sounds clearly like there is some sort of separation anxiety with you. I'm no specialist, but I would try that route. The other thing I would look into is whether he has any cognitive or developmental issues. Is he having any problems being aware of when he needs to go, or when he has gone?