Advice on lack of support in the workplace, please?

[Spangalow07]

Hi ladies,

I suffer from severe Endo and am on month 2 of a 6 month course of Zoladex which has started giving me some really noticeable side effects such as huge anxiety and brain fog, painful bones and night sweats which are keeping me awake. All of this is much better than the endo pain I had before, so I am not too bothered by these but I am struggling to have my employer support me.

My employer is an Endometriosis Friendly employer, but they have not offered any support to me at all throughout this new treatment. My manager (female) has been horrible throughout and demanded I got letters from my GP to prove the way I am feeling and when I have gone to our HR department they have failed to turn up to a scheduled meeting more than once.

I work in sales and have recently had a promotion, which I am so proud of, but the expectation of me is to continue to make money for the company but there are no considerations for appt days (I have to use holiday) or days where I am so tired it is hard to function. I have had my absence flagged in the past and put on a performance plan, so I am scared to have any more time off sick especially in this new role and also due to the company restructuring the sales floor.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with my employer? Bullying is a huge culture in my workplace and my manager has been planning events and team days without me, but discussing them on team calls and saying "this doesn't include you as you are not coming into the office" etc, which makes me feel so stupid. I also asked her to control the gossiping in my team surrounding me not being in the office, as I feel shame being in the menopause in my early 30's to which she replied "people gossip, there is nothing I can do". Surely there is something a manager can do, and surely HR should turn up to planned meetings when I am asking for support?

I do not want to get signed off from work as I will feel like a failure, any advice on how to deal with this would be so welcomed. I am not part of any unions etc.

Thanks so much xx

[Kayl101]

Join a union and get more advice, it’s unfair to treat you differently just because of a medical condition also what you share about your medical conditions isn’t mandatory they can’t ask to see proof as that’s confidential if you have endo then you only need to tell them I have it and I told my manager and staff were being unsupportive and accusing me of faking it so I sent her a screenshot from my medical history which shows the date of diagnoses which can’t be edited etc long story short she also tried to get me out of a job and it’s unfair that when I’m in pain I still come to work, I don’t expect a medal but I genuinely put effort into my job yet there’s staff who go out drinking over the weekend and call in sick the next day and their absences aren’t monitored.

I guess it’s hard as an employer to keep changing things when you suddenly get unwell as I never know when my period will start and suddenly I’ll wake up with no sensation in my legs and massive bloating and then my cycle starts and it’s anxiety of my period on top of work and no one other than a person going through what you’re going through can understand or sympathise with.

It should be recognised as a disability as you aren’t able to do normal duties whether that’s at work or at home, I know I defo can’t but I try my best and just get on with it as much as I can... but join a union and get some advice as I’m sure that falls under discrimination.

Good luck hope I haven’t gone off on a tangent haha

[Cailleach]

If there is a union for your workplace, you should definitely join. They would be your best bet for advice and support. There will be a relevant union even if they are not recognised by your employer. Citizens Advice and ACAS could also give you advice.

Given your boss’s unprofessional attitude, HR might be a better bet for support as they should know how you should be treated, and also what the requirements are to be an Endometriosis Friendly employer. The fact that they missed two appointments is poor, if these were for meetings with your manager, I wonder if she discouraged their attendance? You could approach HR directly yourself and seek a 1;1 meeting. Put it in writing, and follow up if they fail to attend, to a more senior manager.

Another thing you could do is ask for a referral to the company’s Occupational Heath Service, or refer yourself. There will be such a service which will probably be bought in from an external provider. This is independent and confidential and would be an effective way to access support and any accommodations you need. You should not need to share your medical info directly with your manager.

Perhaps you should consider if getting a period of time signed off would be more helpful than struggling to continue and taking odd days off. From a manager’s point of view the latter is more problematic and also looks bad in their figures.

If there is a bullying culture, then keep a diary of any negative experiences such as excluding you from meetings or discussions, and not tackling gossip. Back up any discussions with emails or letters so you have a paper trail.

These are my comments from my experience as a union rep, manager, and person who was off sick a lot due to endo! ( not all at the same time). Hope things improve for you.