Hi I'm 31, I work as a litigation assistant and I think I have mild dyslexia I've not been assessed but one of the major things I struggle with ins phone calls and messages I get so anxious and have adrenalin pumping through me which makes it even harder to try and take in what I'm hearing, then I can remember, i try to concentrate on remembering the first parts and don't take in the rest. Even when I can be calm its difficult. I get my number muddled up and sometimes can't see that they are unless the case doesn't appear on the system - I rely on copy and paste. I'm a slow reader, I'm very creative and I think in pictures. I'm going to have my one to one with my boss in a few days and I'm terrified he's going to put me on the phones, it's got me really down, if he does I'll probably get sacked with all my mistakes. At the moment I'm Not on the phones, I manage my own work load but it's so low it's very likely he'll put me on taking calls too. Last time I had to do this I nearly handed my notice in because of the anxiety it caused. I'm worried that if I mention my low self esteem and may be linked to undiagnosed dyslexia he may think im using it as an excuse not to progress and learn. (He's hinted this before - especially now that I've been there for 8 years) Because I've been doing the same thing for years I'm also scared of leaving. Another thing I really struggle with is writing letters free hand from the top of my head. I really don't know how other people do it - it was really embarrassing today when my college thought it was enough to give me a verbal out line of what I should put in a simple letter - and I couldn't do it - I had to ask someone else to help me. I use a lot of templates - I'd be lost without them. I don't know what to say to my boss, I can't afford an asessment the company will not put in money towards (I know they won't) - I'm scared of applying for a new job and mentioning to the recruitment agencies that I may have dyslexia. Can someone help me with how to deal with this? I have been pretty lost about it for years - I'm so scared that my boss may put me on the phones with no choice thinking it will push me to develop, not understanding why I feel the way I do. when it could depress me and cause a lot of stress.
I was thinking of giving him something's to read about dyslexia that I feel relates to me. I've also emailed someone about a screening. I feel that with no diagnosis I have no defence. The bosses like to keep their money, it will be unwise to mention assessment payment. I have no money either.
I feel backed up in a corner about this and I don't know what to do.
Hope someone can help with advice/links/reading material for me or my boss.