Relapse 😞

Hi All. I'm new here - I just found out about this portal and joined today.I've been drinking excessively for some years, but eventually I managed to stop drinking completely and stay sober for 3.5 years. After those 3.5 years I was stupid enough to think that I proved to myself that I can control drinking and that I don't have a "real" problem with it. So I decided to have only occasional drinks again, then I added "weekends only", then I came up with a new rule of "not drinking a night before going to work", then I added a couple of wine glasses during the mid-week dinners, etc. I didn't even notice that my drinking became a regular thing again (this lasted for a year). Last night I drank on my own again, but this time completely lost control of it, don't remember how I got to bed etc. Hangover all day today. And I feel like I'm back where I was 5 years ago. I'm really scared. I want to stop this cycle, but I'm scared that I won't be able to stop drinking now. Is it more difficult to get sober again after a relapse? 😞 please, help 😞

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

I know plenty of people who have come back following relapses. One guy I know well had 37 years. Picked up a drink. Got arrested and has almost 15 years back.

How did you stay sober during those 3.5 years? Did you use a 12 Step program? Or just do it on your own?

Welcome to this community. We’re here to help you. Keep checking in with us daily. It helps to be accountable.

[kenster1]

I`d say a really high percentage has a few wobbles on the way my mate was sober for a couple of years fell off the waggon in a big way but now 8 year or so sober. another friend recent to AA has had many stumbles but now drink free again don`t beat yourself up with the stumbles go again and be more determined than before.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to kenster1]

We’ll said, Ken.

[Hidden]

Thank you both so much for replying to me. I'm glad to hear people do manage to get sober again... I'm just so disappointed at myself that I let myself get to this point again!Last time I stayed sober for 3.5 years on my own. It took me many attempts, but I eventually managed.

I'm going away for a week next weekend, 1st holiday for a long time. I was thinking that I'll be having a few cheap pints every night, but now I don't know what to do. One part of me wants to stop drinking straight away. But the other part of me thinks to try to quit again after I come back from holidays. But isn't that the voice of addiction trying to convince me to drink on holidays?? I travelled sober before - why can't I do it now? I'm worried that maybe having those 2nd thoughts means that I don't gave it in me anymore (the will power to quit)?

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

My hat is off to you that you were able to stop on your own. I wasn’t (can’t) able to do that. I needed support. My choice, and saving grace, was/is AA.

Good luck with your vacation. And, yes, I imagine it will be hard. If you have alcoholism, it is almost impossible to treat with the unaided will. So you may not be able to white knuckle it. Or moderate. Time will tell.

Why don’t you try some Zoom AA meetings before you go? Also your phone should work while you’re away. So keep checking in here for support.

[Hidden]

There is masses of hope for you! If you found it within yourself to give up for 3.5 years then you have amazing willpower! On the contrary I think that giving up again (if that's your aim) should be easier the second time around.

I spent the whole of my 20s quitting then re-starting smoking. It took me TEN years to give up nicotine. Ten bloody years! It's such an addictive substance, as is alcohol. There's no shame in alcohol addiction, you know. Your brain has seized onto it like many others' brains have done. It's like heroin or nicotine. It's a drug and you got addicted. You're human. Forgive yourself. You can do this!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Forgiving myself - it's always been difficult for me. Instead, yesterday, I kept doing things and chores I don't like to "punish myself" for drinking so much the night before. I need to try to find some self-compassion I guess, as I've got none.

Thank you so much for your supportive words. Really helpful ❤️

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

I can remember taking two showers a day. Trying to scrub my dark dirty soul.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

What would you say to a dear friend who drank too much the night before and felt unwell? And who was worried about their drinking? Talk to yourself as though you would talk to this dear friend.

[Elemis]

Things happen so don’t beat yourself up.

you might find starting a journal helpful to write down your goals and thoughts about how you feel.Also helps identify any triggers.

[SoberDrunk1]

If you understand the nature of this disease you will be able to overcome the guilt and start looking for a solution. Some of us have lost the ability to chose. That is the true powerlessness and also we lost the ability to control drinking after we put couple of drinks in the body. In the book Alcoholics Anonymous there is a chapter "More about alcoholism" and there are few stories to illustrate these phenomenon. Worst part is when we sober up on our own, all the internal emotions comes unglued, we cant handle our emotions. Eventually we go back to one thing we know that will give relief. And we succumb to the desire. We are cought in this vicious cycle.