Help with my Dad

[laglag]

As most of you know, I have had PD for over 14 yrs. Lately, my Dad 84, has had declining health & doctors cannot figure it out, or rather aren't trying very hard. I'm at a loss on what to do at this point. 3 yrs ago he strained his knee & it started swelling from the knee down, about the same time his balance started affecting him, both legs are swollen from the knee down, had surgeru for enlarged prostate (it went well), had carpel tunnel surgery, it didn't help. Has 5 or 6 ganglion cysts on his wrists, had a bicep tendon tear beyond repair plus the rotator cuff is bad so he can't lift his arm without help from his other arm, now his other arm has gone bad & he can barely use it. His gait has been progressively getting bad all this time, he drags his feet & can barely lift them to walk, he has had a gradual decline in his posture to a 90 degree angle. This is a man that was in good health 3 yrs ago. He's been to every kind of doctor you can think of, including a neurologist, but noone can figure it out. They say it's not PD. They thought it could be NPH (fluid in his brain) so they put a shunt in his brain, but no help). He also has the start of macular degeneration. We just signed a lease last night for assisted living yesterday because he's fallen 4 times in the last week & backed his car into his neighbor's garage. He seems to get worsre each day. He's been going to PT for at least 6 months & it hasn't helped at all. I'm at a loss on how to help him & is taking a toll on my health. Anyone have any ideas? This isn't normal aging for 3 years is it?

Thanks for your opinions.

Debbie (laglag)

[Bailey_Texas]

Good morning laglag

I am sorry for what is happening to your dad. I think it could be normal for him. My mom went down hill fast from being self sufficient and a year later we lost her. It comes a time when our bodies just wear out and fixing them becomes all we do. I think you should support what ever your dad wants to do . Comfort him and see that all his needs are met. Try to come to peace with what ever comes to pass. It will be good for you and your dad.

And most of all take care of your self. Your dad needs you more now than he ever has.

Take care

Bailey

[laglag in reply to Bailey_Texas]

Thank you for your kind words and advice, Bailey. He has been very kind to me for 60 yrs so I'm trying to do the same. It's taking it's toll on my health, but I know it's temporary. I'm trying to keep up with most of my workouts and he understands that. I was able to find him a place that is really nice that is less than a mile from me so that will make it easier to visit him. After he moves, I will feel better knowing he has someone looking after him.

Thanks again!

Debbie

[parkie13]

How is his heart doing? My father-in-law recently passed away and had all kinds of problems with his legs and feet because his heart was not pumping strong enough. He also went down fast once his decline started. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad.

[laglag in reply to parkie13]

Thank you Parkie13. They just did an Echo a couple of days ago & we haven't heard the results yet. His heart is in a weird place so it was hard to get a good picture of it, but I think they should be able to tell if it is heart or not. Thank you for your concern and thoughts. Debbie

[BUZZ1397]

Dear leg leg I pray that God will have mercy on your aging father and give you the strength to help him be as comfortable as possible .

[stevie3]

I do feel for you. I have an aged ma (87) and yes, the decline in the last three years has been remarkable. There seems to be a point at which a line is crossed and then things seem to deteriorate more quickly, much as Bailey said. My mum doesn’t know of my diagnosis and I hope she never needs to, but she can be very demanding and so now, I try to take into account my own limitations. I think you were very smart to do the assisted living thing; we got my mum to move about three years ago into something with a warden and it’s relieved my responsibilities hugely. So, with my mum I just try to be kind - I’ve stopped trying to fix it (which is hard; I’m a fixer 😏). Your Dad is very lucky to have you, laglag, I hope you know that.

[laglag]

Thanks Stevie. Your are a kind person and it shows though your posts/replies. When my mom was dying of cancer 9 yrs ago, her last words to me were, "Debbie, you're trying to hard". I am trying to hard to fix my dad. He's like an old car that has been driven many miles and things are starting to fall apart, even a quart of oil isn't going to fix him anymore.

Thanks for taking the time to give me your thoughts.

[ddmagee1]

So sorry to hear about your Dad. My Mom is 94. She fell a couple days ago-broke her rt. ankle and 2 ribs. She's had a slight stroke a couple years ago, and it's hard to see her deterioration. Her mind is still sharp. My brother takes care of her. He's in good health and 12 years younger than I am. I have PD and my wife has congestive heart failure, so we are just trying to stay above water ourselves, so to speak. We help when we can and are very supportive. You are doing the right thing. Assisted living is the right way to go. We had to do that for my Dad about a year before he passed. There comes a time, he was 87, when he had deteriorated to the point that my Mom and brothers just couldn't do it all. Old age had taken it's toll, and he deteriorated rapidly. Thanks for sharing your thoughts in this forum. Wishing you the best.

[laglag in reply to ddmagee1]

Thank you ddmagee1 for taking the time to send me your thoughts & kind words. Like my mom said, I'm trying too hard, I need to calm myself & do the best I can. I was at a weak point & all of you are helping me be stronger. PD is so difficult & this situation is overwhelming, but I'm a fighter & I'll get thru it. Thanks.

[laglag in reply to ddmagee1]

One more thing, I'm so sorry to hear what you & others have had to go thru also. It sure tugs on our heart strings! 💕

[ConnieD in reply to laglag]

I think once he’s living closer to you it will be a huge relief for you ! It sounds like you have been blessed with a great dad and he with a wonderful daughter! Whenever I hear of swelling I think of heart or kidney issues but I’m no doctor. Watching a parent decline is painful. My dad was such a wonderful father to me and died 6 years ago of pancreatic cancer I miss him everyday ! You and your dad will be in my prayers !💗🙏🏻

[laglag in reply to ConnieD]

Thank you ConnieD. I have thought about kidneys, but the doctors haven't mentioned that. I will try to remember to bring that up. As far as his heart, they have done the regular heart tests pre-surgery & said it looks good. It's amazing, with all these things that are falling apart on his body, he continues to have perfect blood pressure, cholesterol & blood sugar. Besides the Prednisone that put him on last week, he takes no medication. He is a very wonderful father. I'm sorry you had to lose your father, but at least he's not in any pain now & you still have all those precious memories.

Thanks again!

[hopedope]

I'm sorry to hear about your father too. I know it is very stressful for you and has been for some time since he's had so many problems. I wonder if music could help him somehow--I am thinking of the post Daphne posted today. I plan to listen to the video she posted later--it may help him. Any music might help him. He must be very stressed as well. Being closer to you will comfort him. You should keep up with your exercising for sure.

[laglag in reply to hopedope]

Thanks hopedope. My dad has never gotten into music. I listen to music a lot. Actually, my dad has been able to keep a good attitude through all of this. He's still joking and he said yesterday, while we were at Immediate Care for his foot that was infected from cutting it on the dishwasher on one of his falls, that he's getting excited about the move. This is the exact opposite of how I thought he would react.

Thanks again!

[adrienneb]

Dear Debbie: I am so sorry to hear what you and your dear father are going through. I would agree with the others that this is probably the time when his body is getting ready to slow down, and would encourage you to take care of yourself, and to understand that you are doing all you can and then some. You certainly need to keep up with your Rock Steady boxing, as that will help you and therefore help him. And your mother is right on---you are indeed trying too hard. Amazing how well our Moms know us, even from beyond the grave! Take good care. Adrienne

[laglag]

Thanks Adrienne. I have been trying to keep up my RSB workouts. I missed a few, but my dad realizes how important they are for my health, so he doesn't mind when I tell him I need to go workout. Everyond at the gym is so supportive too. Take care and hope you are doing well.