His refusal in many things

[3Fishies]

Long story short:

We moved from house into 1-level condo.

He says he’s happier.

But:

1. He refuses to go out.

2. He’s decided he doesn’t want anyone to come over, including his friends our rabbis.

3. I could tell he needs to talk to someone but he is refusing to even consider seeing a psychologist.

4. Barely got him to neuro dr for appointment. He was refusing that too.

I’m hitting a wall.

Advice?

[Goldencbc]

Maybe he needs more time to adjust to the move. Moving is considered a major stressor and may be for you too. Hopefully he will be more receptive soon.

[aliciamq]

Maybe he is 😌 content.

[jeffreyn]

Could you tell us how you could tell that he needs to talk to someone?

Did he say why he did not want to go to his neuro appointment?

It's now 3 weeks since you moved to the condo. Is he managing better with the walker now?

[3Fishies in reply to jeffreyn]

He stares through me. When laying there he stares up at the ceiling. When in the living room he never opens his eyes but he’s awake. He never really expresses what he feels. He’ll sit on a stool for hours on end with the same tv show blaring but he’s not focused on it. He felt he didn’t have to go to his Dr apt because “they can’t do anything so there’s no point in going.” But when he went they gave him a new memory pill and bumped his devices to 3.9v.

He never talks to me. The first time was Monday evening, it had been 3 years.

[jeffreyn in reply to 3Fishies]

“They can’t do anything, so there’s no point in going.”

Or to put it more generally: "I/we/they can't improve the situation, so there's no point in trying."

He's wrong, of course, and the key might be to find a way for him to "discover" this enlightenment. Maybe talk to him about forums such as this (but maybe not this particular forum!). If you don't think he will listen to you, maybe you could try to recruit his younger brother to the cause.

In parallel, as others have suggested, you need to continue to look after your own health and wellbeing, and that of the children.

[karolmilk]

Sometimes when you feel so out of control the only control you have is the right to say No. So long as he isn't in danger I would let him have his space. Do the mandatory needs like doctor appointments. If you need people over don't isolate on his behalf and have people over and get support for yourself.

[laglag]

Is he taking his meds? Is he in an anti-depressant?

[Astra7]

You need to live your own life and go out and socialise and excercise etc. Sounds like he is very depressed which makes life awful for you. There isn’t much you can do so look after yourself as well.

It’s very hard living with a depressed person🙁

[Farooqji]

I agree with laglag , he needs depression and anxiety treatment

[Pauldmd]

I can identify with the "there is nothing they can do for me" feeling. PD can be frustrating and maddening to live with. The obvious symptoms are just the tip of the iceberg. I constantly hear from people that I look good. That does not bother me, I point it out only because it makes the gap between how I look and feel that much more dramatic. Cognitive and physical problems can make communicating with others difficult, even if one's speech is not affected. I, for example, have a great deal of difficulty getting words out but am able do so with concentration and effort. Unfortunately, the process can be so wearing that although I am able to communicate clearly I often don't want to put in the effort. That, compounded with word finding issues and losing my train of thought mid sentence, makes social interaction unappealing. Physical activity is also exhausting. I have to concentrate so intensely on my movements and balance that I often miss what is going on around me. Sightseeing on vacation is the last thing I would want to engage in as I would struggle just to keep my balance watch out for obstacles, making observing anything more pretty much impossible.

Getting older is depressing enough but when you feel as though the things you might otherwise enjoy are beyond your reach it makes you feel as though you are just marking time until the end.

My way of addressing this is to focus on the moments that I can still enjoy. It might be as simple as sitting and watching tv with my wife as we hold hands on the couch. My grandchildren have been a godsend, Even though I cannot be as active physically with them as I would like, sitting and interacting with them to the extent that I am able is very rewarding.

I agree with some of the other posts that an antidepressant might help if your husband is not already taking one. Perhaps speaking to a therapist who might help him find some activities he can enjoy would also be of help. Unfortunately, motivating someone who feels this way can be an uphill battle. Your husband is fortunate to have someone in his life who cares enough to try to help him through this. My wife and I have found that things go more smoothly if I am open with her about my emotional and physical challenges. It took me a long time to feel comfortable doing so but I realized that it was unfair to her if I did not communicate my frustrations.

If I can be of any help, please don't hesitate to reach out.

[3Fishies in reply to Pauldmd]

You seem to have a better mindset. I’ve got him on antidepressants. We aren’t romantic anymore, haven’t touched in 4 years. He doesn’t open up. I recently noticed he’s skipping one of his pills but I’ll have to get a look later when he doesn’t notice because he doesn’t like that I tell him anything.