Last night things went bad with my grandson. It is 17 and struggling with his identity. He has been wearing makeup among a few other things that his mom does not agree with. She at first just ask him to wait till he was out on his own to start doing the things she does not approve of. He has refused to do as she asked and they have been having a lot of shouting matches and he has stayed at his friends the last couple of days. To make a long story short last night i was dragged into it. I was on the phone for a hour with him. I asked him to do what his mother asked. He agreed and he told his mom that he would do what she said. At 2 am i woke up and had the worse attack of muscle spasms i have ever had. It lasted fort 20 minutes. I could not stand,walk, talk. My face muscle contracted over and over. I hurt so bad i screamed. I can only figure that my emotions caused a flood of dopamine or some other chemical in my head or used up it to cause the attack.
Thanks for listening
Written by
Bailey_Texas
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Sorry to hear about the stress in your life. As a father, grandfather and adult you know we cannot dictate what our children are or do but can learn from them; encourage them to learn about themselves so they can be useful to themselves and the world. We, in turn can let experiences happen and welcome what insights our progeny brings to us. I hope you can appreciate your grandson for what he is and not what you want him to be.
Best thing would be to find a therapist who can help mom and son to live acceptingly of one another. Also, to help your grandson deal with himself. To ask your grandson to quell his emotions/identity etc is akin to someone telling you to become a woman when it's the last thing you'd want.
Thank you for your reply it made me think about what i told my grandson that night I hope you have peace in your life before Pd takes from you. I am dong well most days it is the ones like that one that makes the good ones so much sweeter.
They had seen a therapist and the therapist sided with my grandson and just about told my daughter she was completely out of line. What you suggest is to let him do what ever he feels like doing. I am sorry but my home and my daughter's home is not a place where you can do as you please. My daughter and her husband work and pay for every thing this boy needs. If my grandson wants to do something his mom does not want him to do in her home then he does not get to do it. If we allow our children to do what they want when they want we are doing them a disservice. That is not the way the world works. My daughter was 40 when she had cancer and had to have a double mastectomy. She has made a complete recovery. I hope she lives a long and enjoyable live. I will protect her by any means i have. If my 17 year old grandson can not see that his desires and wants do not come first when comes to his mom then we have failed him. I called him and spoke with him for 2 hours and he came to see what he had to do. He went to his mom and apologized that night and they are doing well now. I believe it made him stronger and made him feel empowered. It i believe taught him a life lesson he will never forget.
I have always been the first one to run into the fire with no thought of myself. I have done whatever takes to protect my family and friends and even strangers without any thought of what i would receive in return. It has made for a wonderful life. And i have now a circle of friends and family who would stand in front of me and take the bullet intended for me.
Teaching a child that a life of self sacrifice and doing things for others is the right thing to do is the right thing to do.
I am writing this for you and anyone else who might read it. I am also writing it for me. It has made me feel good about what i told my grandson that night.
Sleep well tomorrow is another day.
I hope you find peace with this thing we call Parkinson's. Most days i do.
Bailey, I'm not going to address your grandson's issues because I think what's been said covers it quite well. But I certainly understand the consequences of worrying about a family member and getting involved emotionally. I have learned that I have to protect myself. Even to the point of asking people not to tell me things because I can't stop thinking about them and worrying and it is so detrimental to my health and well-being. I'm not happy that that's the way it is but too bad because that's the way it is. Take care of yourself! I don't think we have the brain chemistry any more for the drama of life.
Sorry Baley, I know it's not in your style of care, but in this case a little cal- mag in the evening or magnesium could help you with muscle spasms for a short time then it should improve.
I understand where you are coming from. The world is a different place then it was in our generation. I'm a baby boomer. We do live in critical times. We love our families so much; however, we are unwell. I almost always experience pain and bad side effects after dealing with some issue. My pd symptoms first started after a very stressful family issue. As much as we want to be there for our families, we have to pull back. It's so hard to live a few years longer then our younger family members and see the potential mistakes. We so want to protect them however we are limited and need to protect ourselves. Unfortunately they will experience trials we so want to alleviate yet we too need to protect ourselves and they too need to understand our health limitations. Not easy to do. I care. Please take care of you first!'
Anxiety can really ramp up our symptoms and add some new ones, too!
Your daughter should of course hold true to her values, but I think the best thing parents can do is to stay cool and let their offspring know that no matter what, they are loved. Pulling too hard just spurs more resistance. Resisting parents at 17 is as predictable as "the terrible two's." My middle child really ran wild at 17. Today, she is a straight-A student at UC Santa Barbara.
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