I don't like heights, on top of the Empire State Building I clung to the centre π
I don't like snakes the thought of touching one makes me shudder.
I don't like dentist's drilling and tugging in my mouth, horrid.
But none of the above is a fear. My idea of fear is a paralysing state, where you lose rational thought and the sense of dread consumes you.
Parkinsons has the potential to drill fear deep down into the heart of you cloaking your soul with an inky blackness and resulting despair. Seeping slowly it creeps and over the years there is a growing poisonous stain. Hard to wash away.
I won't live in that dread. I won't allow that joyless state override all the good in my life. It can't consume my memories and I refuse to have a dark future.
Try as it might, and boy it tries and tests me, it won't win.
How can I be sure? How can I stand the relentless tiresome challenges it keeps throwing at me.
I have a series of strategies, I have coping mechanisms, I don't leave my happiness to chance. When it raises its ugly head I have to raise my bar. How high, as high as it takes.
It doesn't stand still, so neither can I. I don't have all the answers but I have enough.
I'm sat in the car eating cheesecake. Because - why not? When I fill in my Parkinson's 100 day tracker tonight, under 'dietary choices' I will tick the 'mostly balanced' box!
I saw a post about it here. It's an app for your phone which you download and you select some things to track everyday - like how long you excercised, how you slept, your mood, energy, diet, other stuff. You enter your meds as well. Then it stores your data and you can run reports. its quite interesting. Go to the ap store and look for uMotif but mane sure you get the 'Parkinson's 100' one. It's free.
Ain't it the truth!? We sure need to live consciously and pay attention and stay on top of the dread. I need people now more than I ever have in my life and I always need something to look forward to. Right now I am planning on my oldest daughter's wedding and traveling across the country and I'm pretty darned excited about it.
Please keep raising the bar - just look how many positive responses this as generated.I too have strategies to help me through the dark times but just at the moment they don't seem to be working their usual magic so learning lots of new ice cream flavours to try has helped lift my spirits. Thanks, Angela.
I like your posts so much. So far I haven't had any dark days. But after reading through these replies and learning your name is Colleen I googled your full name and found your you tube post. It was wonderful. I try to plan ahead too and prepare for the dark days that will come. I have googled Brown Bread Ice Cream just now too and will try one that is on Epicurious. Do you use whole wheat bread in yours? It sounds like a great way to add some fiber to dessert!
I am late reading the posts today. Not one of my better days. My husband and I were talking about brown bread ice cream just the other day and he was saying he could not believe anyone made it and liked it and there it was in your latest message. Would love the recipe, please.
As usual you have penned another great article and I am sure a lot of people, me included, will pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and ......you know the rest.
Please continue posting. I always look to see if you have worked your magic.
Colleen, I admire your spunk! For me, I know I can't keep up enough of my on spunk to keep depression and despair at bay forever. But, my faith in God and studying the Bible everyday gets me out of a funky low every time. In the Bible, Jesus is said to have healed many people who were sick, and we have no record of him ever saying "no" when asked to heal. So, I ask him to heal me and make me whole. The Bible says to "ask and keep on asking". So, until I'm healed, I will ask and keep on asking. After I'm healed, I'll say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! (Some may think I'm audacious for expecting to be healed when the medical community says they know of no cure. To that I say, "Think big.")
Hey good on you... Glass half full kind of person like me!! Yes theres always some one else worse of than me!! That kind of attitude has to be a huge , HUGE, help in gaining better Β life! Good on you. π
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