Am I being selfish

[fallen_leaf]

I have always suffered from depression and have learned to hide and suppress tears and continue through life and responsibilities no matter how hard. So maybe I am not dealing with grief the way most people would. My husband wanted to keep the girls home yesterday. I had them go half day and then took them out early. They are young so the grief comes and goes quickly in spurts. This morning I had them go to school. I went to help my dad who already wants to pack up my moms clothes to give away. My husband was upset I didn’t want him to come along. He also gets upset when my brother posts updates about my mom on Facebook and tags his wife me and my sister but not my husband. Considering our marriage isn’t the greatest and the mean things he said about my mom in the past I don’t think he should be in on every little detail and text and post especially when we are still figuring things out. Am I wrong?

[sassy59]

I read your post through fallen_leaf and have given it a lot of thought.

I feel you’re now doing what you always do and that’s getting on with things as only you know how. The girls are better off at school and will deal with their grief in their own way.

I don’t know you or your husband but from what you’ve posted in the past, no I don’t think you’re wrong. It’s a good thing to be able to grieve as a family but not always possible.

I hope you can work through things and pull together but only you know if you can.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Xxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi fallen_leaf,

Regardless of any difficulties in your family dynamic, I think it’s pretty usual for family members to grieve in different ways. It’s sometimes an unbearable extra strain on a family and can pull us apart when we need to pull together.

It’s not wrong for you, or any family member to feel what they are feeling, but then that can also call for great inner strength to get through a challenging time.

Could you maybe be the one to try to find that inner core of strength? It seems unfair when you are hurting too, to be the one to have to do that, but it can pull together a family that’s in danger of falling apart. It perhaps calls for great tolerance and compromise. It doesn’t mean that you permanently put your difficulties aside. It just helps to ‘park’ them for a while until yours, and others’ hurt can subside a little bit and you feel more able to deal with the bigger picture.

I hope you can find your way through this, and do get some professional advice and help if you are struggling with your depression.

Very best wishes.

[UnderstandingMyPain]

I don’t believe you are being selfish. Everyone grieves differently. I am kinda sensing your husband might be feeling some type of guilt for saying mean things regarding your mother. Maybe this is his way of saying sorry through actions.