Its not always as it appears.

[secrets22]

Dementia is often deemed to be an elderly illness,but with over 60,000 sufferers under 35,and some in their 20's,that knocks that myth out of the water.

More education and understanding is needed.

Many elderly confined to nursing homes become forgetful and confused,not because its deemed they have Dementia but because they lack stimulation and are left wallowing in aloneness.Its so easy to blame Dementia when in fact with better care and companionship they would be as alert as they had always been.

My partner does have Vascular Dementia and is totally bedbound and as hard as it is I will not consider a nursing home,he deserves better than that.

I am often reminded of the days when he was on top of the game and in control of everything in our world,from finance to our business interests,and indeed I was very reliant on him for everything,and it has been a hard task to turn things around where all responsibility is now mine.

One thing is I am no quitter,and will never give up on my responsibilities,even though there are days when I wonder where I get my strength from.

Of course we are all different,and whats right for one is not necessarily right for everyone.

[sassy59]

A very inspirational post secrets. You’re husband is lucky to have you there and I pray you will have the strength and tenacity to continue to care for him.

You have love and devotion by the shed load and that must help to keep you going.

Please take care of yourself too as you matter very much. Never be afraid to ask for help as and when you need it.

Wishing you well. Xxxxx

[secrets22 in reply to sassy59]

Thankyou sassy,means a lot.x

[Hidden]

Hi secrets22

I couldn't have said it half as well as sassy59 has, in all respects. Your post is a timely reminder that dementia can and does occur in younger people too. And you are a wonderful inspiration to all those people who put their lives on hold to care so lovingly and so well for the people who are depending on them.

Very best wishes.

[secrets22 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou Callendersgal...I try to stay upbeat and positive whatever is thrown my way.x

[karools16]

...lack stimulation and left wallowing in aloneness'. So very true and sad. I visit a dear friend, once a month, in a dementia care home. The residents sit in a lounge, mostly asleep...from meal to meal. Apart from the hairdresser, I have never seen any stimulation. Granted, there may be activities on other days, but not much, I guess. My friend was an outdoor person, loved gardening and going out. Now, with early Alzheimers, I see her decline. It's probably time and money that will be the reason, but it upsets me terribly.

[Vonnieruth]

Unfortunately some cannot care for their loved ones with in their homes and those who do sometimes juggle family life also as well as working I work in a large home for dementia suffers Our activity co ordinator takes people out every week in the homes mini bus We have entertainers weekly and have our own cinema Residents do things like foods from round the world tours Baking creative things etc twice a day I would like to thing our residents are not left to sit and wollow in self pity They have pamper sessions with nail manicures and massages also We know it's not the same as home but the carers try to make every day as busy as possible Some even help in the dining room helping tidy up with staff We have walks in our garden and spend time in the potting shed

[secrets22 in reply to Vonnieruth]

Not all care homes are as consistently good as yours appears to be ,but I juggle a business as well as a large home ,as well as being a carer 7 days a week.

[Vonnieruth in reply to secrets22]

I understand what you are saying and I understand how hard it is Believe me Just gets to me when every home is tarred with the same brush No one wants their loved ones to go into a home but some cannot manage their partner or parent as the illness progresses You are a strong minded woman who loves and cares for him as he would wish to be done I do so admire you for what you do and what you have had to give up

[Bella395]

Secrets22 - I totally agree with you about stimulation and company. However, I don’t think that the problem lies just with nursing homes. There are many dementia sufferers who are living alone, even when bed bound. They exist due to key boxes and hard pushed carers letting themselves in to attend to their needs, presumably as quickly as possible. I would rather them be in a care home than left alone for all those hours. Social interaction is a basic need - there are even rules regarding prisoners kept in solitary confinement and yet our society sanctions this kind of treatment.

[Hidden in reply to Bella395]

That's all so true Bella395!

Several years ago I lived in an apartment block where I saw milk left outside a neighbour's until around 3.30 in the afternoon. I had also seen someone go in at around that time and one day hovered, to ask about who my neighbour was. She was an elderly lady, with dementia, and her only contact was with the care worker who went in for half an hour or less, taking the milk in with her. I took to visiting when I could but was so sorry, and felt so guilty when our lease was up and we had to move on to another city. I often wonder how long she managed to go on for: not that long I'm sure.

[Bella395 in reply to Hidden]

Callendersgal - that was very kind of you . What a sad end to life for the old lady. With regards to people with dementia being left alone in their homes, I fear that this will become more and more commonplace as families try to hang on to their inheritance. This is the unexpected and hidden problem that nobody will address. Social Services are perhaps powerless to stop it but there ought to be a law about leaving vulnerable old people alone in a property. Anyone who left a child or a pet alone for the vast majority of the day would be prosecuted and yet we allow this for very ill old people. It is a disgrace and I would prefer to see someone in a (decent) care home rather than being deprived of company and safety.

Secrets22 - I do I admire you for having the determination and strength to keep up your caring role. I too am a carer although not for someone with dementia but have often been at breaking point. Like you, I soldier on but I wouldn't blame anyone for giving up. This is like giving up one life to save another and I don't know that it is really fair because we never get those years back. They are more precious than ever when one is elderly and the end is ever closer. Also, what they say about poor health in carers is absolutely true.