Dementia

[Nfa1]

I'm not sure how to deal with my mums dementia which is becoming rapidly worse.my dad is her carer and is not well himself (he is81).they refuse to pay for carers and I live 300 miles away. They regularly fall out and fone me but the last time mum said she didn't want to speak to me again because I wouldn't take her side.she thinks we are ganging up to get her into a care home. She's very confused and sometimes thinks my Dad is someone else.she also thinks other people live in their house.

Any advice please

[sassy59]

Hi Nfa1, I have no idea of your parents financial situation but you could contact social services. They obviously need care and lots of help or your mum may well have to go into care.

We do need to realise that elderly people would really struggle to look after a loved one with dementia. Help is essential but older people are very independent and won’t ask.

I do hope you can sort something out and I wish you all the best.

Go onto the Alzheimer’s website too. Many like minded people there. Xxxx

[Bananas5]

Hello Nfa1

Persuading parents they may need a little bit of help is impossible. I had it some years ago with my own and I lived a lot closer than you do.

You have to be a little subtle! and devious to make it seem like it is their idea and it isn't really care.

Sadly with dementia it will progress with your Mum and be harder and harder for your Dad to cope.

You could start by asking social works if they could do an assessment of their needs. ( You can ring and make a referral to their local authority.) She would contact OT too who can provide some equipment. I bluffed my parents by telling them that's why SW called. She provided bath rails, toilet seat etc.

Explain that these pieces of equipment are free.

If they are on a low income they won't pay for any care

Have they applied for Attendance Allowance? I am not sure if it still exists but worth asking.

x

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Nfa1, Welcome to our community.

Unfortunately this is not an uncommon picture that you are describing regarding your mum's dementia and how it is affecting both your father's and your relationship with her. I know it is easy to say but try not to take it personally, your mum is probably very aware of what is happening to her and is probably quite frightened. She will have her coping mechanisms, but as the disease progresses those mechanisms will be harder to maintain, and the fear of losing their mental faculties as well as her independence is very real. I'm sure you have been in touch with the Alzheimer's Society, but if you haven't I include a link below as they have some really helpful information covering all aspects of dementia, and how to support your father and you at this very difficult time. They also have the helpline so do for our avail yourself of their expertise:

alzheimers.org.uk/

You have receive some great advice and support already from our forum members, who will have been in similar situations to yourself.

Do keep in touch, we are here for you.

Take care.

[Nfa1 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you so much for your advice. It has really helped me

[sammy90210]

Hi Nfa1 - so sorry to hear about your situation - there is a very active community of caregivers for a form of dementia called PSP - please feel free to post questions there and get advice/tips also

healthunlocked.com/psp