I don't want to be strong as others tell me. I don't want to hear everyone Else's worries and hurts.
I want David's pain to stop and have some time with me. To go for walks. To go out exploring.
It will never happen.
The sun comes up over the mountains as it did yesterday. It will be there tomorrow too. And the day after.
It warms my face and lifts my heart.
Mollie is here. nudging my hand. Gentle lick. She understands. Here comes Skye with her long waggy tail. Luna too...our lovely old girl from the rescue
Their love is unconditional.
I will be strong. I will listen to others worries and hurts.
I will smile because I love life and all its faults. I will help those who ask because I can.
And I will be me
Pat x
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I should be used to it after over 20 years but guess acceptance is the hardest part...even now. Just wanted to share how those closest feel when we get told...no one understands.
I share your thoughts Pat, I am still being me as you say but I would also love to go for walks , with my husband or talk to him not myself at night, that isn't going to happen for me either only in my dreams. Life goes on , the sun comes up , so do the spring flowers, another year passes and we get older that is life. As you say we smile, listen to others and help where we can, but it does not mean this is what we want just the cards we have been dealt in life and our loved ones. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, thinking of you. Heres a thought for you Pat, when you look at the moon you can be with anyone you want as the moon is seen all over the world. xx
Neil Armstrong once said...when you look at the moon...think of me and wink.
I think of absolutely everyone and squint! Hope that counts?
I think I miss the arrival of spring. Being a gardener and even after the harshest of winters life pops through. Here we have 'house' plants growing as trees! Poinsettias outside all year which in UK die before you get them home!
My garden is where I sit and talk to those I have loved and lost.
Morning Pat, will have to try the wink. Hope those we talk too , where ever can hear us x Got one tall daffodil in bud, lots of cyclamen, crocus and mini daffs in the garden, hope you can imagine them. I'm imagining your trees as house plants, bet it is warm too. Overcast here and a little chilly, got pansies and primroses to plant out in the garden tubs. Have you any plans for today? blowing you kisses and hugs.xx
We can't grow bulbs down here as it doesn't get cold enough for them! Maybe up in the mountains but then we have other beautiful plants. Yes my fiscus Benjamin (weeping fig) is around 20 ft tall and fabulous shape!! And rubber trees by the forest full! Nursery will be filling up with summer plants so....off with my friend and his van soonishh me thinks.
Funeral this morning - husband of a dear friend who just collapsed and died from massive stroke. Deck chair this afternoon with David as he works his way through my PIP forms.
That Pip form will take all day, better keep the drinks flowing.Sorry to hear it is a sad time too. Used to have a Benjamin ficus myself but it out grew its space so the local church had it for their entrance hall. Enjoy your time with David even if it is not a trip to the country or mountains time together needs to be cherished. Holiday freind of mine passed away funeral is on 26th. Must make the most of each day who knows what fate hass in store for us. Good luck with the Pip form, them plants from the nursery will brighten both your coming days up, spring is here at last xx
Hi Pat,I've seen you on these forums ever since I can remember.
I think you give inspiration to everyone who sees your posts,more than any other person here. I know your hubby is going through pain,but your going through it with him,that's what I call genuine LOVE,exactly the same as my hubby suffers my pain with me.
When it comes to other folks problems,I don't think they really understand how your dieing inside,because the only folk who do,are them that are in your situation. I don't think you will remember me,but I do you because you have always seemed to me to be so accepting of what life has dealt you,and that's a dam good quality in a person.
I do wish you happiness,love,and hugs,also for David. Take good care of yourself .🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️.
Oh wow yes we go back a long way and of course I remember you. I'd love to follow more forums but then I would never get into my deck chair in the sun!!
Thank you for those kind words my friend. With being blind I listen to people and hear more than they do..Or maybe I have just been around a long time!!
David is having huge flair up...worse for some years...as his Ankylosing spondylitis runs amok up his spine. Seems the break in his spine held it a bay for a long time but bridged that now and free to travel whither soever.
You are in my thoughts and prayers in your heart breaking situation.
Hello Pat,
It's so inspirational to hear someone who can see through the pain and hurts of life to the simple steadfast things which stay beautiful and that can keep us going when times get really tough. Thank you.
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Friday ramble
Abuse to carer
i feel so sad....deflated and humbled
My wonderful husband 
