The sooner we know of outcome the more can cope

[LynneCarol]

I am my husbands carer as he had a stroke 5 years ago then epilepsy, which has changed the logistics of our relationship, now he is being investigated for large lump in front of chest so have been on tender hooks waiting for result it’s all rather daunting. How do any of you cope please.

[sassy59]

That sounds scary Lynne and my heart goes out to you. I think illness changes lots of things especially relationships. I’m a carer too and things aren’t always easy but I love Pete and will always care for him if possible.

I think you could do with some help really and I hope the results come through soon. Please let us know. Thinking of you. Xxxxxxx

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi LynneCarol, Welcome to this supportive community. I'm not surprised that you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious at this very difficult time. We are here for you to listen and offer support. I'm sure you have probably been in contact with these charities below, but I have included their helplines and links for more support specifically related to his conditions. In respect of the lump on his chest, there could be a number things causing this, so it would be hard to speculate, but worrying about the unknown is very understandable. Carer UK may help you. Changing roles from being a wife and partner, to becoming a carer can put a strain on relationships, but it can also bring people closer together. It is easy to become lonely, isolated and you need to take care of you own physical and mental health too. Is it possible to share some of the caring with the wider family or may be consider a social service assessment and get a carer in a couple of time per week to give you a break? Respite care maybe another option occasionally. Do chat things through with your GP and keep them in the loop of how it's impacting you.

Stroke Helpline 0303 3033 100

stroke.org.uk/finding-suppo...

Epilepsy Action Helpline: 0808 800 5050

epilepsy.org.uk/info/suppor...

Carers UK carersuk.org/help-and-advice

As you seen folks here are very ready to support you. Do keep in touch and let us know how things are going.

Best wishes

[Hidden]

Hi LynneCarol.

Wow you have really had some challenges to contend with, and you must be feeling very anxious and nervous now whilst awaiting the outcome of this latest medical investigation for your husband's chest lump.

It's easy to give advice and much more difficult to take it, but I think the only thing you can possibly do here, is to try not to let your mind run on into the 'what ifs'. You can't be sure until you are actually told, what the cause of this lump is, and it's all too easy for your mind to run on ahead of you, trying out different scenarios and outcomes to the news, when it comes.

What I'm talking about here is Mindfulness, or the practice of trying to live in the present moment. The thing is that what's gone before, is gone. You can't change it. The future is yet to come, so what you are worrying about is only theoretical outcomes. Your mind can happily imagine the worst possible outcome, but whatever you think is simply a fantasy, until it actually becomes a fact. The real truth about life is that only what's happening in each present moment is relevant. Try to make your mind stay there and deal with the what is, not the what if.

Learning a basic meditation technique can really help to calm you, if you can find the time to practice for just a few minutes a day. It can bring quite a lot of relief to worry, if you can manage to do that. And it's such a simple thing that you can actually teach yourself to do it. It would make this reply too long to go into details, but if you look up Mindfulness meditation online, you'll find lots of sites which can help you.

Meantime there's absolutely nothing wrong with hoping for a good outcome and trying to stay more upbeat, and I wish your husband a very good one.

But you are right. It's much easier to cope when you just learn exactly what you are up against.

[LynneCarol in reply to Hidden]

Thank you all for your lovely replies, I should practice what I preach, I am a Samaritan have been on the night rota so I am going to put meditation music on my iPad and have an afternoon rest, thank you all, it’s nice that we are not alone