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Respite

Well today is the day mum goes into respite for two weeks with a view to residency, I just don't know if it's right for her I'm worried sick, but I just need to sleep through the night for a change, absolutely dreading leaving her there as she is all I've got and I love her with all my heart. I did mention it to her two days ago but seems to have forgotten, I just hope it doesn't accelerate her Alzeihemers

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Please try not to worry too much. It is the right thing to do for you both. I did this for my mother 4 years ago - just a week's respite which then become two.....three....four. After that she decided she might just as well stay there! She still talks about being at home but we know that she is much better off where she is. She has company, medical care if she needs it, activities if she wants to join in. There comes a time when it is the only thing that will help. You will be so much more relaxed when you visit her and you can take her out if you wish, spend time with her without any worry about daily tasks.

I think if you post on here in a month or two, you will see that it has all worked out for the best.

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Thank you so much for your reply, I think it is doubly difficult as we live together and there is going to be an enormous gap in my life. It's good of you to take the time to talk to me x

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Your going to miss her....when your on your own and the only family you have left is your mum even if she has dementia ..you build a life around her...but time march,s on and before you know it..your own life will be gone...but this time in respite will give you time to decide what is best all round...and what you will do for yourself.

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Thank you

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I hope that you enjoy your respite time and fill the gap with friends and doing things that you like doing and have not been able to do, even if it is only having a long bath and going to bed to read and then getting a full night's sleep. As another reply said, you will be able to spend quality time with her when you do see her and enjoy her company instead of feeling exhausted. You will be more rested and able to cope. Without respite you could go under and then it would not be elective care for her in somewhere that you have checked out and feel is right for her. It might make her a little more muddled for a couple of days but it won't accelerate her alzheimers. Good luck for the future.

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Thank you so much for your support it means a lot x

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Hi poppie, it's so hard isn't it, my Mum who had dementia lived with us for many years and eventually she started going into respite for me to have a break, I was like you was worried that she would be unhappy and she wasn't fussy on going but Honestly she was great once she settled in and got to know everyone who were around her age, at the end of the first two weeks she didn't want to come home and then started talking about missing all her "new friends" she then started going a few times a year and though she never wanted to go once there was really happy, try not to worry I'm sure your Mum will be fine, enjoy your break it'll do you the world of good, take care

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Thank you I'm a mess i just want to go straight back and bring her home. At the moment laying in her bed sobbing my heart out

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Oh Poppie, my heart goes out to you, you must feel that you've had a hand cut off not to have your mum with you, did you take her to the respite home and see her room and meet some of the staff and other residents, I hope you did because you'll be aware of who is looking after mum, is she close enough for you to visit in a couple of days, if not ring the home as often as you need to, especially these first few days, I hope that over the next few days you'll be a bit more used to being on your own and able to do things you want to do, seeing friends etc, safe in the knowledge that mum is being really well looked after, and before you know it the 2 weeks would have passed and mum's back home again, hope you enjoy a good night's sleep xxx

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Thank you I did check the home but who knows if she will be happy a day at a time I think.x

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Hi Poppie I know exactly how you feel, my mom went for respite care 8 months ago and never came home except for the odd day, she is so happy in her care home she has so many new friends both with other residents and the carers who are so very good with her, I know it is a hard decision to make but you will have quality time with mum if you are rested and better able to cope knowing all your moms needs are catered for. You may feel lonely for a time but it will get easier knowing you have to decide what's best for mom. Best wishes for you both.

Regards Jan

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Thank you for your time everything you say makes sense it's just coming yo terms with it.x

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how sad for you hope it goes well hopefully she will get used to it my mother in law was fine but off course everyone is different my husband has so many brain problems and i hate the thought of him having to go into a home thinking of you goth

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Thank you x

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