Alzheimer’s

[Karenlydia01]

Hi mum suffers from Alzheimer’s and she is becoming more and more difficult to handle in an evening. She forgets who my father and I are and keeps asking to go home and becomes very angry, has anyone got any advice? We’ve listening to her, being patient and soothing her but has no effect.

[BRIAN1925]

I have the same problem, my once lovely natured husband loses his temper at the slightest thing, I calm him by cuddling him, and trying to reassure him, most times it works. I try to reassure myself by thinking about the lovely life we have had together, and there again most times it works.

[Hidden]

Hi there,

I know this is a very hard thing to get to grips with, but the best thing that you can do for your dad and you, and your mum in fact, is to accept what is, and not what you want it to be.

Alzheimer's is such a cruel disease. It takes away the person we knew and loved and leaves us with a virtual stranger, walking around in a body we are very familiar with, but who can't function in the way they always did before.

It's not easy to cope with the physical and mental changes in that person and, on top of that, providing care can be exhausting and isolating. It's good that you have your dad and that he has you to comfort each other as you go through this very difficult period.

My sister, for whom I helped care in her final few years had a slightly less well known kind of dementia in which she became extremely paranoid with everyone and every thing and it was so difficult to take. Although she could still engage fully with us, she wouldn't. She was afraid of us all. And in the end, it was more about accepting the status quo, and doing what we could for her, than to try to fight what was happening, even though we found that bewildering, frightening and distressing.

Just do what you can to make your mum comfortable. You are probably doing the best for her in very trying circumstances anyway, when she can't understand what is happening round about her. Be prepared for her to become quite violent sometimes when she can't have her own way. Be patient and always remember that underneath this terrible disease is the woman your dad and you love dearly.

Accept whatever external advice and help you seek from health professionals, and always stay prepared to consider the alternatives if things become really untenable, such as residential nursing care. It's not abandoning your loved one. It's doing what's best for that person.

My very best wishes to all of you.

[Budapest in reply to Hidden]

The following excellent book might be helpful to you:-

"Dementia-The One Stop Guide" by June Andrews. Profile Books. Published 2015. Available from the library or to buy approx £10. ISBN 978-1781251713.

[Karenlydia01]

Thank you

[Debsoxford]

Hi Karen

Have you mentioned this to Dr? They can give medication to calm her, is so overtired/anxious perhaps an afternoon nap would help? Also distraction is a good technique to use when people are anxious/distressed

Lastly do you have any support/restbite? It is important and unless you shout long and hard you will get overlooked by the system that is very stretched I'm sorry to say

Best wishes

[Karenlydia01 in reply to Debsoxford]

Hi yes after shouting long and hard social services are coming morning and evening starting next week. But it’s late evening and during the night which is becoming increasingly difficult.

She is currently on Respiridone and sertraline .

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Karenlydia01,

Thank you for posting here on our community and I see that you have had some very helpful replies. Thanks to our lovely caring forum members.

I am so very sorry that your Mum has Alzheimer's disease, it is indeed a very difficult illness to try and cope with. On the inside your Mum is still the loving Mum she has always been, but because of this illness her brain and mind are not functioning properly. Possibly a lot of the time she feels confused and frustrated and this probably brings out her anger. Perhaps speaking to her GP may be a good start and she may benefit from some medication to help her anxiety and anger issues.

Keeping her busy and active may help and if she has any interests like playing simple games, colouring pictures, drawing may help her to develop interests that she is capable of engaging in now.

Also I wonder have you spoken with social services and perhaps you can also get Mum fully assessed by the NHS scheme for a Continuing Care package. Ask your GP to refer her to a Social worker or District Nurse ...

continuing- care-assessment.co.uk. This is a funding package from the NHS to cover the full costs of a person's care requirements

Also the following may be of help to you for further support.......alzheimers.org.uk/info/2002

National Dementia Helpline.........0300 222 1122

rightathomeuk.co.uk/quality

Age UK Advice Helpline.......0800 678 1174

ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing

I do hope you may get some support to help both you and your Dad to cope with Mum, as her disease changes makes her seem like a different person. Both you and your Dad need to look after yourselves too and take breaks when you can, to refresh you . Caring for a person is very exhausting and demanding, so be kind to yourself. Try and take it in turns to go out, you could go and see your friends one afternoon and your Dad could have some time away from Mum another afternoon, even if is to go for a walk or go and have a coffee.

Please let us know how you are coping so that our members may have other suggestions and ideas to help you?.........

Do take good care of yourself, you are doing a great job.........all my very best wishes to you........

[Karenlydia01]

Thank you for your advice! We do have a care package in place that starts this coming week. However it’s during the evening we have the most difficulties and the care package doesn’t cover this.

She’s currently on Resperidone and sertraline

[Sarah_S]

Sorry to hear about your mum, it is such a difficult thing to come to terms with and cope with day to day. Definitely do lots of reading and try to find something which works for you, in conjunction with the professionals and advice lines recommended above. Music works for some people, something calming that she might remember from when she was younger? My mother-in-law suprises us when she forgets things, but then we put on some music and she remembers all the words! Also I've read about a comforter of some sort helping some people, like a cuddly toy or maybe even a doll. Distraction with a family photo album to talk about, or an activity - perhaps you could tell her you need help with your puzzle as she might react to helping someone with something, even if she things she doesn't know you? Really hoping you find something that works for you and you get the help that you need x

[chadd]

The experiences you are having with regards to your mum, are very similar to how my mother was when she had dementia, specifically Alzheimer's Disease, there is no easy solution to your problem because every one who has Alzheimer’s have different triggers, but the symptoms you are describing are revealing of the frustration your mother may be experiencing because of eine unable to understand why you are there especially because she does not know who you are, and this can also have a stressful effect on both you and your father, I am not going to say to just keep going that does not solve your problem, but it may help if you could find out where your mum thinks she is in her life because a person with Alzheimer’s often goto a time or place in their life where they feel safe, as my mum did she reverted back to when she was six years of age,and did not recognise me as her son she thought I was her brother, as for the anger she used to have it was targeted at someone in the nursing home who reminded her of someone who she could not stand and she used snall and growl at this woman even though it was not the actual person my mum thought she was, I do not know where you live but my advice to you is to find the contact number for your local Alzheimer’s Society branch or their helpline number if you have trouble finding it I will try to find the number for you chadd

[Karenlydia01]

Thank you Chad your advice has been extremely helpful