CARE FOR LIFE

[pergola]

I have been a carer for my husband when he had terminal cancer. Now he is no longer with me. I am not sure that I would fit the criteria for this group. If anyone needs help and advice, I am happy to give it.

[pergola]

Referring to my first post, I am now longer a carer, but I would like to offer support to those who need it. I am a retired nurse. I used to care for terminally ill and then geriatric patients. I have a big empathy for those grieving and emotionally challenged. I am also really ancient, too. I could recount my favourite story "The day war broke out" 8 at the time.

[jaykay777]

Pergola -- I'm sure your advice would be welcome by many carers here. (Or caregivers as we say here in the U.S.) Now 85, I still recall how it felt to be thrust into the role of caregiver for my 35 year old husband who had terminal cancer. That was in 1959 when people didn't talk about the disease and hospice services were not available where I lived. One of the two children I had with him has had melanomas, but they have responded to treatment. She also a brain tumor removed. It was found to be benign, but I think cancer is always in be back of my mind.

[leonora22]

I would like to know how you coped? I have officially been my much older husbands carer for 4years - unofficially nearer 7, and I am really struggling not to fall into clinical depression. My father died last year and I am an only child plus husband has no family. He is not very co-operative and despite a dietican who was 5* is living off Fortisips. His digestions is very poor - day 6 without going to the loo. GP great and explained twice in detail why he needs to take the fibre sachets daily but husband won't. Also he has not been doing his teeth despite having a gum infection last year. He is in a lot of pain with his arm - frozen shoulder but x rays have just said 'wear and tear and been filed yet GP was going on about a steroid injection. Husband has always been a difficult man but this is now starting to affect my mental health and I am really struggling. I do have good friends but husband is very proud , and I am limited how much I can tell them. Frankly I think we may be dealing with dementia here but no way would husband let me progress it. He is taking a lot of painkillers and this is a huge worry as last year his kidney function went down to 9% due to I think a combination of a uti/antibiotics/lupus medication.

[pergola]

You mention a number of issues. You should visit your GP. Ask for a double appointment. Put your thoughts on paper before you go. You are under mental strain as well as anything else. Your husband would be in a bad state if you were unable to look after him.

I would also mention the fortisips and husband's refusal to take laxatives. All the best. XX