decompensated liver

[xxdaughterxx]

Hi all,

Around a year ago my mum was admitted to A and E with decompensated liver due to alcohol. It was very hard to get her admitted despite numerous phone calls to the doctors and the ambulance because she had capacity. She had ascites, encephalopathy, oedema and was yellow all over her skin and eyes. She had a stint in intensive care and on a ward where we were told she had a decompensated liver. She was very lucky to recover from intensive care. Mum is very secretive with any engagement with services since she was discharged. Recently I have found out that my mum is drinking again. Last week when I seen her she had a very very dark tan from a trip in the UK. However, last time she seemed to tan very easily before the situation reached crisis point. As a family we are trying to address it but it's hard. My question is has anyone experienced this before with a loved one? How long until crisis point again? ( I understand everyone is different but I feel like I need to know) Does anyone know if the darkening of her skin (it isn't yellow and my dad is no where near as tanned and we haven't exactly had a hot summer) is a sign things are escalating?

Thank you to anyone that can answer any of these questions

[Aotea2012]

I’m really sorry to read your post. It’s a really difficult situation for you. Unfortunately, unless she decides to stop drinking there is little you can do. Having had a close shave and an ICU admission with confirmed decompensated cirrhosis…then if she continues to drink then I’m afraid that there is only one direction of travel and that’s back there. It’s only a matter of time. The skin darkening is almost certainly more than a sun tan. There is hope if she stops. Many on here, including me, have been in similar scrapes and survived to tell the tale. I had acute on chronic liver failure and very nearly didn’t come home. It terrified me sufficiently to stop drinking and have now recovered to the point where my bloods are all normal, varices are gone and I’m feeling better than I have in years. I needed a shock to realise the damage I was doing, not only to my own mental and physical health but also to those around me who were suffering watching me slowly kill myself. I’ve read on here many stories where something happens to trigger a realisation. It’s only then…when the individual wants to…that they stop drinking. It takes a lot of courage and determination to become abstinent. It also requires professional support for most people. I had an alcohol support worker from Turning Point to help me. Most importantly though I was prepared to accept that help. Only she can stop. Sadly, you can only watch. There is support for families affected by alcohol misuse. The BLT website has details of help available through organisations such as Al -anon. Your GP will be able to help you as well. It’s important you take care of yourself and get some support - it’s incredibly challenging for everyone involved.

[xxdaughterxx in reply to Aotea2012]

Thank you so much for your reply it is so much more appreciated than you know

[McEwan1962]

so sorry to hear about your mum. As Aotea said she needs to be in the place where she wants to stop drinking and engage with the services.

I didn’t think I had a problem and then I became so ill I ended up being admitted to hospital and I then had to make the choice. It’s not at all easy as it is an addiction and you can’t just stop. The support available varies from area to area and I know some places can offer a home detox.

From my own personal experience it does sound like the tan could be jaundice which would definitely mean she is heading towards hospital. I also had nose bleeds and became very swollen (ascites) which would be other signs. Also if she appears confused, has memory loss.

I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, I do hope that your mum can get through this, it really is very hard to admit you have a problem and to ask for help and support. Take care.

Lesley

[xxdaughterxx]

thank you so much for replying

[Time-Traveller-61]

Hi, I really feel your pain through personal experience.

Nearly 4 years ago I was expected to live 3 to 6 months. I was drinking and hiding everything from family and friends.

Finally with this finality I gave up drinking but was told I was too il to have a liver transplant.

Today I am 838 days without a drink and my next big number will be Boxing Day when I reach 1000 days!

I was turned down by The Royal Free for any help while I was living in Oxford. I moved back to Devon where I grew up and worked with the team at Derriford.

I was draining 10 litres of ascites every 10 days! I am now still alive, draining 6 litres every 6 weeks and have ben put on the "LIST!" for a transplant.

The skin as an organ is very much affected by direct sunlight and will cause dark tanning but is very dangerous.

Don't give up on your Mum, try Alcoholics Anonymous it has been fantastic for me and fascinating that you are not alone. This evil disease wants to be your best friend and then kill you. It does not care whether you are a Prince or a Pauper.

Take care, be strong, much love Matthew

[xxdaughterxx]

thank you for your reply and that’s amazing news your on the list! Your story undoubtedly will give others hope

[NorbertGrubbins]

how utterly painful - i am so sorry for you and your family, and also for your other, who must be in so much pain that self-hurt is a viable option. Others have replied eloq

[NorbertGrubbins]

heck - a slipped: eloquently - it is just horrible - I don’t know if there are answers (i am struggling to find them) but love and care can do a lot - take care of you and your mum x

[xxdaughterxx]

thank you very much