I’m 18 months in to recovery not touched a drop of alcohol I’ve been given the news I’m compensated which is great. I’ve been married 22 years and in the last 6 months I’ve noticed about 5 times il seem to angry out of nowhere and it’s only ever at my wife I say horrible things that I feel guilty afterwards is this something to do with my condition because obviously she means everything to me and I don’t want to treat her this way?
As always appreciate your advice
Probably to do with you stopping the drink my father was an alcoholic but when he was 36 years sober when he passed away AA saved his live and ours as a family terrible with drink in him nasty and I remember my mum saying the first 5 years of his sobriety he was just as bad but after all that he was an absolute gentleman and helped many people get better through AA but good luck and all the best 👍
First of all congratulations on your abstinence. That is something to be really proud of . I was interested in your post because since my husband gave up alcohol a year ago it's like living with Jekyll and Hyde, to the point where I have to think hard before I say anything. I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of an outburst. However, I do know it is part of his recovery and it is easier for him to take his frustration out on me than other people. I also think deep down he is frightened of developing HE and this makes him defensive. I have noticed his outbursts come when he hasn't had regular meals, might that be happening to you do you think? For me, I can accept the flare ups as long as they are short lived and I know he loves me. I don't expect apologies or want him to feel guilty as it is not really his fault. I just want to enjoy the good bits in between. Do you tell your wife how you feel? If not, that might help you both come to terms with it a bit more and accept it is all part of the recovery. I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing as it has made me realise we are not alone in this situation.
Interesting read, I'm a ex alcoholic, I have totally changed since I've stopped drinking, I'm 12 years sober and I find food is my source of rescue, if that makes any sense. I wouldn't say I'm angry with food and meals but I can feel a inner burning of thinking what's taking so long, I've been a stickler for time, and then I expected the promise,and it gets broken, alcoholics denied food over preference for drink, we robbed are " fuel cells " out goes the logically way of thinking, denied our bodies of vital vitamins , and when we return to planet earth we are lost individuals, certain life experiences have changed and trying to adjust to a normal life can become difficult, I took myself away from a relationship, as I needed to change, and then found out I wasn't in "love "but a haze of confused emotions came over me, I don't know if this was selfish or a act I didn't realise I was just "performing " for somebody else, it's been difficult trying to put the wrongs right and vice versa , will I ever find myself is maybe getting a bit late in life, but I continue on my journey with an open mind, and heart and head beat in unison, great post BTW
I wish you all the best on that journey.
Thanks 👍
I've read your post with great interest, I don't know if your wife understands your mood swings, but I feel your doing the best in your situation, if your wife understands these outbursts and she knows these are part of your existence, I feel you are in better position to relate what's happening,I'm struggling to find myself after being 12 years sober,try not to get upset with your behaviour,you've been honest on here and shows your determination to seek a better alcohol free lifestyle, this is a win , win situation, your wife doesn't want a alcoholic husband, well done on staying sober 😊!!!!
I think mood swings are probably part and parcel of serious health issues and major life changes, such as giving up alcohol. All I can advise is the obvious - if you have not already told your wife exactly what you said in your post then please tell her. Dealing with mood swings is tough for all affected - but if your wife is fully aware that you do love her and don't want to treat her this way then it will help her to deal with the swings. Also a proper chat (if you have not already had one) should involve her being able to say how she feels about the situation and whether she has perhaps noticed any triggers to your bad moods that you might not have done. Wishing you all the best.
Maybe you could see a therapist. Or get couples therapy. You may have been self medicating other mental issues with alcohol. Couples therapy would probably help both of you in this situation.
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