The mind of an alcoholic : Hi all I am... - British Liver Trust

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The mind of an alcoholic

BigJimmy45 profile image
23 Replies

Hi all

I am an alcoholic, I have liver cirrhosis and a TIPS stent and want to get sober…went to hospital to try and get a detox last Sunday, waited 12 hrs in A&E and they said the NHS do no have the funding or recognise alcoholism as an illness.

I wanted to detox so I could go to AA meetings

It’s not going well. Dropped a few units through the week but my wife bought me tomorrow’s beers today and she left them out. Drank the lot and just feel normal. I must be wrong in the head!

😭all I am worried about now is what time the shop opens tomorrow and how to get there 😞 sorry gang

J

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BigJimmy45
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23 Replies
wp69 profile image
wp69

Probably Tesco mate 07:00 , but you don't need them

CHanse profile image
CHanse

Hi, if you end up with alcohol withdrawal symptoms to the extent of going into DT’s the hospital would usually take you in and start detoxing you. They kept my freind in for about 5 days until he was safe enough to be discharged.

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45 in reply to CHanse

They gave me 2 x 10mg Librium and said go home and keep drinking after a 12 hr wait ☹️

Millie09 profile image
Millie09

Hi Jimmy. Tough time isn't it , trying to become alcohol free.

When I was detoxed the second time, my GP referred me on to the hospitals detox ward / consultant ..back then it didn't take long to wait, was a hard road but eventually got there and now sober since 2014 ( had a 2 Yr bender when sad passed away)

Please don't give up , and yes I totally understand how your mind is telling you when and where your next drink is coming from.

Have you tried slowly tapering down ? That's what I was told to do by Aquarius back during my treatment .

Maybe doing it at ten percent less alcohol each few days, that was the withdrawal will not become life threatening..

Stay strong

Linda

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45 in reply to Millie09

Hi Millie

Thanks for your reply, yes it is a hard road, sounds like you are doing ok. My mum passed away almost 3 years ago now during covid and emotionally feel the the pressure. I just think I am out of control at the moment. My poor wife has had to get me cans when she is a recovering alcoholic too, 2 years shear has been sober and I admire that determination in her, just all the resentment is coming through now. Really hard x x

Millie09 profile image
Millie09 in reply to BigJimmy45

Most welcome Jimmy, I'm.so sorry your going through a difficult time.

Have you thought of having both bereavement and alcohol counselling? I had cbt and alcohol counselling that lasted 2 yrs , certainly given me the tools going forward ..

What about the Blt nurses on this forum? I've heard how good they are maybe try calling them tomorrow.

Stay strong

Linda x

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45 in reply to Millie09

Just need a medical detox on the Librium I think and then will try and go as long as possible without it. Getting the detox is the difference between drinking or not drinking. Just get told to keep on drinking as they haven’t got the resources. Sad in it both sides x

sophiaS1980 profile image
sophiaS1980

It's a sad thing that the hospital didn't do much for you and you are crying out for help, what a mess to deal with. I don't know where you live but can you find another hospital, I know here if you go into an ER they will send you to detox to keep you from having withdraws. Good-luck!

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45 in reply to sophiaS1980

I have left a message with consultant receptionist to ring me tomorrow. Hopefully in Liverpool they will treat it more seriously than here in North Wales x x

BritishLiverTrust1 profile image
BritishLiverTrust1PartnerBritish Liver Trust in reply to BigJimmy45

In North Wales, Substance Misuse Services operate an open referral system. This means that you can contact services directly to obtain an initial assessment, advice and support. Contact details here: bcuhb.nhs.wales/services/ho...

Anyone worried about their drug or alcohol use, or that of a loved one or friend, can also contact DAN 24/7 the Drug and Alcohol Helpline for Wales: dan247.org.uk/

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45 in reply to BritishLiverTrust1

My GP has contacted SMS in Caernarfon and I have been in touch with Penrhyn house Bangor, there is much else available around here, thanks x x

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45 in reply to BritishLiverTrust1

Yes but it takes a very long time, if you need to detox you need it urgently, not just put on a list and dealt with when help becomes available x

Roy1955 profile image
Roy1955 in reply to BigJimmy45

NO!Detox in not something you undertake urgently!

You need to prepare and be councilled for several weeks before you jump onto librium.

It might feel like a waste of time and you probably won't want to go to several sessions a week but without the preparation and mental assistance your very likely to wash the pills down with a beer.

Look up your local alcohol and drug support services and self refer, I just turned up on their doorstep 6 years ago and got the kick start I needed on the long road to a better life.

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45 in reply to Roy1955

Thanks Roy I wish it was that easy. The services are crumbling and takes months to even get an appointment 🤦🏻‍♂️👍

Oldbits profile image
Oldbits

Try speaking to your gp? Or the lovely nurses on here. They may be able to advise you of where to go. The AA isn't the only place to go, they are not for everyone. Your gp would know of other services near you who can support and help without judgement. The fact that you want to stop is a positive. Keep trying, you're not 'wrong in the head' as you say, youre addicted and it's hard to stop on your own. Life can get better.

BigJimmy45 profile image
BigJimmy45

GP isn’t too good here 🤦🏻‍♂️ x x

Shep666 profile image
Shep666

Same reply as last time you posted 😢

You need to seek help from a drugs/alcohol addiction specialist. This forum helps with support, but listening to your story, you need a more practical intervention. Depression and anxiety are strong negative motivators, and you seem firmly in their grip. It may all seem pointless now, but from a liver point of view alone you need to take action now.

Caring is not a deal where you bank credit, as alcoholics if we are honest to ourselves, we treat those we shout about loving the worst. They are allowed to run out of patience with us, I mean who wouldn’t. Half the time we are blissfully unaware just how badly we are treating them, and then we have the nerve to feel hurt, let down and owed. Killing ourselves slowly claiming not to care is unfortunately just another excuse to have a drink. Loving the feeling of a drink is unfortunately just another excuse to have a drink – living with us drunk is no fun (even for us).

Only you can want to break the cycle, only you can reach out and try and grab at practical support/help. It is unfortunately very very tough to take ownership as destructive addicts and do something about it.

Seek professional help.

mtk0925 profile image
mtk0925

is there anything to off set the cravings you can try? Maybe one beer and then a 0 alcohol beer etc to tapper???

Valar__morghulis profile image
Valar__morghulis

Just don't drink. And keep yourself busy the entire day and reward yourself at the end of the day. People in your country and the entire western civilization are extremely privileged. Here in the 3rd worlds nobody cares abou alcoholics. Even in treatment centre they just beat alcoholics for fun. Most can't afford a single diagnosis. Healthcare isn't free. Be grateful if the universal health care your country has. And just stop drinking.

Rshc profile image
Rshc

I am so sorry A and E were little help. Our poor NHS are so stretched. My partner was very lucky, he underwent a medical detox in hospital almost 2 years ago and has not drunk since. He found it really helped him through that hard first 5 days.

You clearly have the desire to give up with is definitely the first part, lots of people remain in denial about their drinking. My partner has cirrhosis too but giving up alcohol has meant that he has returned to almost normal liver function so it can have a massive impact on your health, my partners mental health is in a much better place as well.

Just take it one day at a time, or even an hour at a time. Reach out for some local support, maybe go back to A and E if you have anything like a vague hint of DTs as I am sure they will admit you

Aotea2012 profile image
Aotea2012

I’m not sure where you live, I can see references to North Wales, but not sure if that’s your home area. If it is Wales, there is a national helpline which is a 24/7 support service called DAN 24/7 (08088082234) they should be able to point you in the right direction. I’d visit your GP again too and explain that you are desperate to withdraw from alcohol and that you need support to do so. If all else fails - as Rhsc says, return to A&E saying you’ve stopped drinking and are feeling physical symptoms. There is support…I was helped by Turning Point and haven’t drunk any alcohol for over 2 and a half years now…and am not struggling to remain abstinent. If you’d told me that 3 years ago I’d never have believed you. The BLT nurse led helpline is also fantastic so give them a go too.

10864 profile image
10864

I feel every word you've written. It feels from your short message that you've had enough but don't see a way out of the way you're living your life at the moment. There absolutely is and you need to do it - there is only one other option than stop drinkng and it's not pleasant.

You've stated above "I wanted to detox so I could go to AA meetings". Thats' so wrong on every level because the only thing AA asks of you is the DESIRE to stop drinking. In AA I'd say only half of the people I see have stopped before a meeting- we have plenty who state they have stopped when it's clear they haven't (To us anyway) which is so sad, because stopping is not a prerequisite of AA. But being honest with yourself is.

PLEASE PLEASE find a local meeting and just go with an open mind - you don't have to speak, just let the 1st person you see know you are at your first meeting, unsure of yourself and don't wish to speak. And I (Almost) guarantee you'll be met with nothing but COMLETE understanding and compassion. Noone understands addiction like an addict and the wisdom and total acceptance you get from people in those meetings is beyond measure.

If you only manage to do one thing today, log in to alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk, find a meeting you can get to tonight and just turn up. People will know you are new and welcome you - and if it doesn't feel like the meeting for you, find another tomorrow. There are literally hundreds across the UK.

I agree with others of course - you MUST push your GP and if possible hospital for help detoxing / librium, but don't use the fear of detoxing as an excuse to continue drinking. We alcoholics will cling on to anything to continue. Do you have someone close to you who could be with you teh first 72 hours to be safe?

I think I've read that you're north wales so I imagine ysbyty gwynedd was where they dismsised you? There are definitely AA groups in Bangor - we go to Caernarfon often. Maybe try Manchester hospitals / advice lines as well?

Wishing you all the best - I was where you are 2.5yrs ago.. there is another way

Aotea2012 profile image
Aotea2012 in reply to 10864

I agree…AA wasn’t for me, but I did speak to someone when I was in the place that Big Jimmy finds himself in. At the time I wasn’t ready to give up alcohol, but was desperate to do so! That sounds like a complete contradiction but for anyone who’s been through it, it is very understandable. I knew deep down that it was doing me harm, but wasn’t ready to face life without it. So found every excuse in the book to avoid doing anything about it. In the end my body did it for me…I got sepsis, which tipped my liver into acute on chronic liver failure and got admitted into hospital. The rest is history. I stopped drinking, was detoxed, had clinical care which saved my life and I’m now well and thriving. I have cirrhosis, but with lifestyle changes (abstinence being the crucial one), I feel well and am living a completely normal Iife.

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