Struggling with life

[Catfan1969]

I have posted a few times lately, but myself and my partner are struggling. After feeling absolutely crap with ascites and sickness, for the first time since being diagnosed last December, my partner can only focus on the bad. He's such a lovely man, happy, funny. We have loved each other fiercely for 9months. He says it is selfish of him to expect me to look after him, when he eventually gets sick. That he's ruining my life and I deserve so much more. This is heartbreaking to hear..... any advice and if anyone experienced this themselves would be so welcomed at this moment..... thanks Claire x

[Katt12340]

Hiya, I can relate from his point of view as I often feel the same! You're both going through something massive, but he sees himself as 'the problem'. Does he have a liver team/consultant? My consultant tells me at least 85% of patients suffer feelings like this so it's perfectly normal 😊

Try and find some small positives to focus on and stick with it. I know it's cliché, but it really is ok not to be ok xxx

[Bantam2]

Hi as someone waiting for a liver and the symptoms that go along with it I can understand why your husband feels like that. My husband is 43 and 9 younger than myself and there are lots of times that I felt I had put his life on hold too and often said that I would understand if it was too much for him. My husband like you couldn’t understand why I would even say that and that he felt hurt that I would even suggest it. He pointed out that if the shoe was on the other foot would I resent him which of course I wouldn’t.

We go about life as close to normal as possible, he still goes to watch his beloved team Bradford City, although arguably the way they are playing is more depressing than my condition, we still go for walks with our doggie Sherlock even though sometimes I have to get a taxi back, we still go to our local and he has a few pints and I drink lemonade. We spend a lot of time in the garden together but sometimes I get cross when he says I’ve done enough and should go sit down. We meet up with friends and it’s s running joke now that if I have my wellies on, my feet and ankles are swollen. Bless the girls who will WhatsApp and say are we wearing wellies or shoes today. I feel guilty that I can longer drive due to HE and he has to run me round and he gets miserable that I spend too long in the shops and then feels guilty he feels like that. Simple solution I shop first thing while he goes gets a breakfast or nips to a DIY shop.

The best thing to do is to keep giving him reassurance that hopefully the symptoms can be managed with medication and have a long talk about how you both go about life at the moment together so his condition isn’t always the focus all the time. Does he have friends he could see without you? Are you fussing over him too much so he doesn’t feel independent or is he being too needy and then feeling guilty afterward.

Not sure if any of this helps, but all the best and I hope all goes well in the future x

[Catfan1969]

Thankyou for taking the time to reply it is much appreciated x

[Catfan1969]

Thanks Katie x