Unknown Feelings....

[velvet007]

Dear All, i feel like i should be posting o a agony aunt column, i have posted a few times about my alcoholic husband, nothing has changed in 3 years, have a few positive weeks off the drink then back on it again.

Are there any ladies out there who now have given up trying to help their husbands, i am so so tired, drained, depressed of thinking of ways to help him, i have now moved into the spare bedroom, i hate the smell of alcohol on his breath, and body, but now he is blaming me for not being a wife and moving into the spare room.

I a,m writing this feeling so sad, we used to be so happy, but honestly i feel unless he changes or could change my love is fading. Any ladies out there feel like this, I am 65, .....

[Lils2019]

Hi there,

Totally understand, I was in a similar position to yourself, my husband was absolutely vile when he was drinking, argumentative, behaviour was appalling and downright disgusting at times, the chaos and drama on a daily basis, and special occasions always ruined.

God knows I tried to reason with him, told him he would be in serious trouble one day, all it did was cause arguments.

So I decided I’d had enough, I was going to look after me and I went back to full time work, stepped back and let him get on with it and also deal with the consequences of his actions.

Two months later that June 2020 he had a massive varices bleed, and was admitted to a&e and to cut a long story short ended up in ICU.

He hasn’t drunk since, it was a real wake up call, however too late, he has been declined for transplant, not well enough and has other health issues, so all they can do now is keep him as comfortable as possible.

I’ve taken over running the house and all that goes with that, I work full time also much to his disgust, and occasionally when he over steps the mark he will get a reminder that it was himself that put himself in this position and I tell him to quit feeling sorry for himself!

Life is difficult right now, this journey is horrendous.

Please make sure that you are taking care of you too, you need some time for you too.

Take care x

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Hi I'm going to message you privately ❤

[Cat-B]

Oh you poor thing. No one can stop him drinking but him, you need to concentrate on your well being, have you got friends or family you could stay with for a few days to give yourself a break so you can think clearly. Try to ignore him when he’s being nasty and selfish, I’m sure that’s easier said then done! I’m not married, but I have alcohol liver disease ( so I’m coming from the person with the alcohol problem.) I nearly died and even with help it took me another 5 months to stop! It’s not an easy journey but we all have to fight for ourselves. I suspect if I had had a partner I would’ve pushed him away long before I was hospitalised. Alcohol liver disease is a very self destructive illness, I suspect you have done everything you can to support your husband, now you need to look after yourself. Good luck

[Billie246]

Having had an alcoholic partner diagnosed with decompensated cirrhosis and he continued to drink- I feel your despair.After months of trying to do the ‘right thing’ and give support, I couldn’t cope with it all and asked to leave my house.

He has gone through rehab and now has supported accommodation and not drunk for over four months. Hopefully he will have a successful future ahead of him on his own path.

If you can no longer help them then it is worthwhile considering putting yourself first.

I wish you well as it’s an emotional journey ahead.

Mary xx

[BritishLiverTrust5 Moderator British Liver Trust]

Dear velvet007

If you are in the UK and would find it useful to talk things over, our nurse-led helpline is open Monday to Friday from 10am to 3pm on 0800 652 7330 (excluding bank holidays)

Please also consider having a look through the information about alcohol-related liver disease (ARLD) on our website. This main page links to many other sources of information which you may find useful: britishlivertrust.org.uk/in...

Best wishes

British Liver Trust

[velvet007]

Dear Friends, Thank you so much for taking the time to write, i can feel your pains, we are in a sad time at the moment, plus all the worries that are going on around us in the country, there is no easy way out, so we have to live the best we can, I pray that we will all find the happiness that we deserve, and try and protect our younger family members from the horrors of alcohol addiction xxxx

[Indigone in reply to velvet007]

Dear velvet007, Al-Anon Family Groups is a support group for the families and friends of alcoholics. You can find details at al-anonuk.com.There are details of meetings (both in person meetings and on-line meetings) on the website along with podcasts and literature and a helpline number.

Hope this is of help to you.

[MissS_Zebra9]

Dear Velvet007, I'm in a similar situation. My partner (not husband) has had a drink problem for many years but last year was admitted to hospital with Alcoholic Hepatitis as he went completely yellow and lost a lot of weight (was skin and bone). He was in hospital for approx a week and then returned home with meds and promising he would never drink again as it was the wake up call he needed. He stopped drinking for about 3 weeks and that was the best 3 weeks ever, he wanted to come shopping with me, was more engaged with the kids, more chatty but now he is back to drinking 8-10 cans a day and more as he is always nipping to the shops. He is abusive, has run up credit cards, takes the kids money from their purses/wallets without asking and moans because i work full time at home. I would love to just walk away or throw him out but with the increasing cost of living i really cant do that and need him still working (he is still able to hold down his job). I also feel depressed and saddened by the whole situation as he used to be such a fun person. I look at other couples now and think would could have been. Alcohol really is the devil

[Dinah48 in reply to MissS_Zebra9]

It's bittersweet when you see your OH at their best, without alcohol. It gives you a picture of what life could be like without this demon drink. Like in your case, my OH stops and is amazing, a lovely person. We talk and have a closeness that I love. But it is short lived as a firm commitment to no alcohol can change overnight. Thankfully he is not violent or even awful when he is drinking, but it is intolerable, expensive and emotionally heart breaking to be part of. I do feel your pain and sadness. I have to detach and switch off and recognise that I cannot change this but I can change how it makes me feel.

[thelad73]

Do you know why he drinks? how long has it been a problem? is there a trigger for his drinking?