Making Someone See Sense

[MichaelJH]

Some years ago I reconnected with someone I had worked with quarter-of-a-century earlier. Since leaving university he has carried on living like a student; drinking, smoking and eating a poor diet. Near four decades of abuse caught up with him about three years ago and he was found to be obese with a fatty liver, borderline diabetes, raised chesterol, raised BP and for good measure a UTI! He has dropped weight to a normal BMI and is on medication for cholesterol and BP. In addition he has swapped smoking for vaping but is near continuous vaping better than his previous 10 or less a day habit. The bad thing is that I believe he is drinking more. Since the start of the pandemic he has taken to home drinking. I have no idea how much but he has admitted to over two bottles of cheap red in an evening. More than once I have rung him early evening and he has been incoherent.

A few days ago they did a liver scan and found scarring on his liver. They told him in no uncertain terms but he is still drinking. I cannot reason from him.

Having had a lot of health issues in the past four years and a family health scare I don't honestly feel I need the stress of this. Any ideas how to get through to him?

[Jebediah454]

Unfortunately Michael, the only person that can get through to him, is himself.

An alcoholic needs to find the self determination to kick the drug, if everyone else around him is telling him to stop it will only fuel the crave for it. He needs to stop on his own free will, otherwise he will be constantly fighting to hide his drinking etc and convince himself and everyone else that he is doing fine which is worse.

While its not that you "cant" do anything, you simply won't be able to stop him unless he wants to stop. Maybe have the doctor sit with you and discuss the process of cirrhosis, the complications, the lifestyle changes, the numerous hospital visits that will eventually be required if he doesn't stop to minimise the scarring, the fact that it is not a pain free die in your sleep disease, it will haunt him and his entire family until the day he passes if he continues, it might just be the wake up call he needs.

This forum has highlighted the wonders of stopping drinking, many people in here have went on to live clearly happy lives after stopping drinking regardless of their diagnosis, just maybe if he realises the damage that has been done and is continuing to be done isn't pleasant in the slightest maybe he will stop?

The sad fact is, sometimes alcohol has that strong a grip on some of us that some people never will kick it, even in their dying days reaching for a bottle of what has killed them over many years. The sooner he acts, the better, the sooner he realises this the better.

[Hidden]

Hi Michael

As Jeb has rightfully pointed out, unfortunately it is a decision that can only be taken by the individual. But hopefully, you or someone can lead him to that decision.

It may be possible to get him to understand the consequences if he does not stop, if you highlight issues that come into effect with cirrhosis and liver damage... ascites, hospital admissions, jaundice, nausea, pain, and in the hope that for his own health and life span he will prefer to live better.

The second option is to point out the effect his drinking has on those around him and how much it hurts them, in the hope that out of love for them he will stop drinking.

The third option is to try to get him to talk, if not to you, to a counsellor. It is possible he may have an underlying cause that makes him drink, some mental anguish or torment that makes him want to escape inside a bottle just to block out the pain.

I hope you find a way to get through, because, should none of these approaches work and you can find no other way to persuade him, even if begging, pleading and cajoling fail, then he is set on a course that I would not want for anyone.

I wish you well in this and wish him good health

Dave