I fell by the wayside last night I had a beer 😥

[Tommy62]

I've been sober 8 months was diagnosed early stages of cirrhosis last June had my first ultrasound and bloods done all came back satisfactory and good have been feeling good lately no symptoms I got a terrible craving for a beer for the last couple weeks so last night I had 3 beers I opened a 4th and felt I dont want this and poured it down the sink but feel very low about myself and guilty and stupid.

[velvetunderground]

Hi Tommy - I think you should be celebrating the 8 months you managed to stay off the booze, not beat yourself up over a lapse. I'm amazed you managed to pour away the forth beer ... I think most people in that situation would have settled into a session and only really felt bad the morning after, so well done on that too!I know you feel low now, but in four months you'll be able to say that you have only had three beers in the past year, which is an amazing achievement. Dust yourself down, get back on the horse and go again ... it will get easier.

All the best

Paul.

[Tommy62 in reply to velvetunderground]

Thanks I appreciate your kind words thank you 👍

[Richard-Allen]

I think there are some questions you need to ask here Tommy.

Before that first drink in 8 months touched your lips. you must have been arguing with your conscience. "Should I, shouldn't I". That little demon who sits on your shoulder would have been whispering in your ear, "go on, have one. You know you want to. go on". You must have been telling yourself, "No, I don't need this", and so on.

It's so easy after that first beer to just turn round and say, "that's it, I've done it now. All that hard work for nothing. In for a shilling in for a pound. I might as well drink some more".

So this relapse needs to be a learning opportunity. What can you put in place to deal with future cravings? The fact that you’ve gone 8-months without a drink, means you have the strength and willpower to do this. What was the trigger that was driving this need for a drink? You say you had had these cravings for a few weeks, so something is going on here. Why after 7-months would you start to develop these strong desires for alcohol? We could all make excuses, like “Oh it’s because of covid and being locked up”. Or “it’s football and I always drink when football is on the telly”. Finding what that trigger is, needs to be identified and addressed so it doesn’t happen again in a further seven months time.

Sadly those cravings will always be there, I’ve not had a drink for over seven years, and for the best part, I don’t miss it. But then you can find yourself one later summers evening walking along a canal and seeing people sitting outside a pub enjoying a nice cold beer. You can taste it, and that little demon appears and starts to whisper in your ear. You just need to have a coping mechanism in place. For me, I just look at those pint glasses and imagine the words, “Poison” written on them. Then I think of my donor, and that’s enough to knock that demon off my shoulder.

Finding the coping mechanism that works for you is so important. Having cirrhosis and knowing how damaged your liver is, try thinking of that life-saving liver transplant that you might one day need, and how that one drink could make all the difference between having a transplant or being denied.

You can do this. The clock has been reset, and now your target is to reach 9-months without a drink. Don’t beat yourself up. Think positive, and look to the future.

Good luck

Richard

[Tommy62 in reply to Richard-Allen]

Thanks it was something stupid there was no pressure to even have a drink I know like the time i wasn't even thinking about a drink at my caravan watching Emmerdale a few months back yes Emmerdale lol a mans son went into the bar and brought 2 pints out for himself and his Dad and my mouth just watered for a drink my dad was an alcoholic and his brother both in AA where well over 30 years sober when they died and my brother is 10 years sober in AA now I was attending addiction NI when this covid restrictions all stopped it but I just stopped drinking when I got diagnosed last June I didn't need anything to help me stop just will power thanks for the words 👍

[Hidden]

Hi Tommy62, I can see that the other forum members have posted some encouraging support but just to echo what they are saying - perhaps thinking about what you can learn from this relapse ie triggers, alternative coping mechanisms etc. Are you getting any support for your alcohol use? You may want to discuss this with your GP. Take care,

Trust10.

[Tommy62 in reply to Hidden]

I was but it has stopped because of covid I was attending addiction NI theres was meeting every Thursday but all had to stop thanks

[Kji378]

You fell by the wayside...where's that? 🙂~ 8 months sober is brilliant, throwing one down the sink is brilliant. The key thing (I feel ), is that you have acknowledged it, that you threw the last drink away...how good is that?

Don't beat yourself up. You could have finished the drink, you could have NOT posted on here, but you didn't drink it, you HAD a moment and posted, so just start again. Simples!

Perhaps put that day down in a diary or a post it note, where you can see it. You might have subconsciously had a deeper reason, you might not. It is what it is and just get up, dust yourself down and put that day down to you lost a day. If you feel like that again, read your post it note see what changed to make you feel sod it, also try thinking of the money you wasted, was it worth it. ...not really because you threw it away, then had a guilt trip.

It is extremely difficult so give yourself a break you will do more harm than good mentally having a go at yourself, like others have said on your post previously.

Give it rice and be strong mentally! You're not the first or the last. You sound like you're doing great so stay calm and carry on. Don't let the bar steward demons get to you. YOU are in control NOT them! Crikey that was a long wayside waffely reply!

Take care 😊

[Tommy62 in reply to Kji378]

Thank you appreciate your comments thanks take care

[MLB_77]

Don’t feel bad over this. You have obviously put in a lot of work and you do not lose any of this hard work and sober time over one night. ESPECIALLY considering the fact you dumped the last beer and are ready to get back on your feet. Nobody is perfect. Just keep trying.

If you get an urge or just having moments that you could use some encouraging, pop on a podcast. They are always ready for you and free. You will get something valuable out of every one you listen to. My favorites are Shair recovery podcast and Recovery elevator. (Start from the beginning and work your way up)

Best wishes.

[Tommy62 in reply to MLB_77]

Thank you 👍

[Hidden]

I know that feeling 😔

[OscarBlue]

Think of this as a chance leaning experience to think about what is important. You have been able to cope, saying no to that 4th pint. Use this as a source of strength next time you’re tempted. You did say no, and can do it again.