I posted on here earlier this year, after a cirrhosis scare that led me to quit drinking entirely for 5 months, worried I was sick, dying, going to see all sorts of doctors and tests. Finally a month ago they finally cleared me and said I had some minor stiffness in my liver, and possible fat, but no cirrhosis. I asked the doctor if there was anything I needed to do and she said to lose about 20kg, and the fat should resolve. I asked her if I could drink and she said I could, but she didn't recommend it because of my problems with depression and anxiety and I could just go back to the way it was before, ending up in the hospital, or worse.
So what do I do? A week later I think of course I can take a drink, just one or two like a normal person. Soon I was drinking a six pack a night at least. Of course the depression got worse and I felt more and more hopeless, what's the point anyway? I'm a failure and don't deserve to live.
Well I stopped drinking entirely again now but I feel like I've undone all the good work I did over those 5 months, and started risking my health and mental health for no good reason. I'm sorry for posting this here but I figured someone here might understand.
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Vladimirberkov
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please don't think you are a failure, look on the positive side. You do not have cirrhosis which is a big plus, you were able to stay off drink for five months before, why not again? My advice would be to try to give up the drink completely and give your liver the break it needs, you'll find a great improvement, it should improve your mood as alcohol is actually a depressant. Wishing you all the best, keep positive, keep trying!
You’re being super harsh on yourself. It does sound like you’re dependent on alcohol with the six pack a night which has now thankfully stopped. The best/only way, which I think you already know, is to stop drinking forever. If you try and drink moderately, the six pack a night will become the norm. Been there, done that.
I was also a heavy drinker, 20Kg overweight and had a (mild) fatty liver. I lost the weight and the liver fat by quitting booze and starting exercise. Life’s great, but something in my brain got cross-wired from years of drinking, so if I tried to drink again moderately, I’d be a heavy drinker again within weeks.
You’ve had a lucky break. Well done and enjoy.
Please don’t think like that some things in life are meant to be taken one step at a time think positive about the 5 months you stopped the most I’ve done is a month so to be honest I admire you and think your doing great you can’t beat yourself up when you fall off you just start again as I keep doing good luck 👍🌻
We would reiterate the supportive replies here. Be kind to yourself.....Can you speak with your doctors and get referred to the alcohol service to receive some support?
Well done for your honesty. I'm sure all the alcoholics here understand the feelings of guilt. Don't look back with regret, look forward with some optimism. Remember how good you felt when you quit drinking and know you can do it again.
Truly the most important thing is not to feel shame or guilt it's so unhelpful. You stopped drinking before and you can stop again and you have to realise that you haven't undone all your efforts at all. I was a very heavy drinker all my life right up to January this year. I have been caring for my mam for nearly 2 years who is in end stage liver disease from drinking and it still took me until this year to heed the warning of how dangerous alcohol is. I know now I can't control it. Was off it for 4 months and decided to "treat" myself for my 40th birthday but continued for a week heavy drinking again. I'm two weeks sober again now and I refuse to beat myself up for my relapse. We get knocked down but we get up again. You can do this and you ARE worth it. Every effort you make towards good health is worth it. Don't let shame and guilt rule your life coz alcohol thrives on those emotions. It's killing my mam and I know it would end up killing me. I've only just found this forum and I'm sorry this is so long it's my first time posting anything. Just your story really resonated with me.
First of all, you have acknowledge it and put a hand up for help! Which is brilliant. Dont you EVER give up in believing in yourself! You CAN do this again!
I also have experience of excessive drinking, anxiety, depression, paranoia etc and all the trimmings that go with it. It's not funny eh!
There are lots of help, which I'm sure you know about, personally I didn't want to take it at first, I was ashamed and I didn't want to accept the reality of it, let alone with other people, so I had one to one therapy, I still am. It is not in anyway, judging, patronising or makes you feel guilty. They are there to help. I thought, Oh what can they do, they haven't got a clue etc, but actually I eat my words as they are extremely helpful.
If you are in a situation where you are offered a drink, (personally I try to avoid it, but there have been a few times I have been offered a drink...no thanks I'm fine, they frown, you sure? Yeah thank you I'm fine. If really pushed, I'll say I can, but I choose not to. But when I was on my own...woomph bottle of wine no problem, 2 sometimes, perhaps some spirits to knock me out, stop my brain ovetload!) If I knew I would end up like I am now, physically..with Cirrhosis big time ...never ever would I have got to that stage. I am a recovering alcoholic, I do understand, for me to say that is a big deal! I'm only on 17 months sober....I had no choice, I was on a transplant list, however, medications slowly improved and my body thankfully decided to start showing signs of improving also.
Take the help, and one day at a time.
I just say thank you to my brain and body each night, for getting me through another day. Amazing things our bodies! Keep it well tuned and a service now! But the hardest bit...only YOU can do it...but the support is crucial.
Please look after yourself and your mind and body.
Hi, idk if your still checking this but just wanted to check in and see how your doing now. I completely understand everything you feel as I’ve been going through the same thing. So far I’m clear but the anxiety can be crippling at times. I hope things are getting better for you.
Hi, I kept having trouble with relapses while starting with AA. Eventually I went into rehab. Of course my liver enzymes are elevated again and bloodwork a bit wonky but my bloodwork is returning to normal again they say and I'm doing better and working the AA program and off the drink again. Hopefully for good. It's depressing doing this all over again but hopefully my body can recover and I can keep it up this time. Thanks for asking.
I believe in you! I know it’s not easy and every fall back feels absolutely horrible but don’t let it beat you up too much. You are aware of your situation and your trying to get things turned around. Many ppl fall a bit before they start walking the path they want to be on but as long as you get back up and keep moving that’s what matters
You labs going back to normal is also a great sign things are getting into place.
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