I lost my dad to alcohol 2 years ago, and whilst I've heard all the words of wisdom that people come out with to try and bring some rational to such a mixed up situation... No one sets out to be an addict, he didn't realise the end result, he loved you always remember that..and many more it's still is so hard to get your head round that something that everyone enjoys, be it on a night out, or with a bath after a stressful day.. Something that despite its dangers and devastating effects on families and individuals is still as widely advertised now as it was... Limited health warnings, limited campaigns, go figure. Loosing a parent in any circumstance is tough, your go to has gone, the person who you are a part of isn't around anymore, and whilst you get through the days with a smile on your face even convincing yourself your doing OK, somedays the smile won't appear but the world around you keeps going and you have to get out there, you have to be a mom, a manager, a daughter, a wife and really all you want to be is daddy's little girl just one more time..holding his big hands, and talking about the silliest of things.
Addiction comes with so many un answered questions that you go over time and time again, did I do enough, why didn't he do more, why my dad, where was the help and if you find yourself battling it or trying to help someone it's so hard, and alcohol there is no escape... You can't hide away untill you get clean it's every where..My dad loved a party, he loved socializing, having friends and was the funniest craziest, kindest person you would ever meet, he was the life and soul of any party....when I think back just after dads death it felt like I was clearing up after a great party, I had the general tasks of packing away clothes, the practical things and then in amongst this I'd get those awful flashbacks, the ones you get after a night out, some were of funny times and would raise a smile, others would leave me sobbing... Then comes the funeral, you cope, you get through it even quite enjoy the day, as you talk to dads oldest friends they tell you a story you've not heard and he for that moment is right by you, and then it's all over., then the journey to heal starts..and then come the comment that if ever you have lost anyone to addiction you don't want to hear... O what a waste,.. The worst thing you can ever say.. Whilst my dad made some wrong moves his life wasn't a waste... He had 2 lovely children, he was immensely proud of, friends and family, people he had helped and made laugh.. He didn't die of old age or the conventional way but he had an illness that got the better of him...one I know millions of people are battling each day.. If that one is you, get the help, reach out and be brave... If you've lost, I wish you well in your battle..if you are a bystander, someone looking on, try and not judge because sometimes we all get it wrong and some are lucky enough to be able to fix it, and others are denied that chance.. ...
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nataliepotter1980
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Hello nataliepotter1980,
I am sure our forum mebers will find your post insightful and thought provoking. If you should ever feel the need, the helpline is manned by liver nurses and available Mon- Fri 10am - 14.45 pm on 0800652 7330.
Alternatively, I have included a link to coping with bereavement which may point you in the direction of support should you need it.
I lost a beloved brother to drink and can feel your pain.
Your post was beautifully written with heart felt meaning. Sadly the one's left behind are left to soldier on, all we can do is reap comfort from our memories - Like you I smile at the fond memories and cry for the loss of a dear beloved brother. Time does heal but our memories will live on.
Let's hope your post makes other's think before they drink .
Thank you I just wanted to express things I found and how I feel and have felt.. I have a little boy and lovely friends and family who get me through aswell as the memory of my dad... Xxx
Thanks for posting your very moving story. Mine is almost the reverse. Nearly six years ago my son confessed that he was now an alcoholic. Knowing absolutely nothing about the condition we did our best to support him through all the ups and downs of partial recovery and subsequent falls off the wagon.
It is very hard to see your bright, intelligent child deteriorate into a middle aged man gripped by so many demons that the only way out he can see is to drink himself into oblivion. He died earlier this year and, amazingly to us, his post mortem results showed that his liver was normal.
Meanwhile, I, who had never had a day's illness in my life (I am in my seventies) and only ever had a small glass of wine with a meal, was gradually developing AIH in which my own immune system was attacking my liver. It is controlled by the usual drugs but, undoubtedly, it has changed my life and will probably continue to do so from now on.
So I have every sympathy with those who have heavy drinkers/alcoholics in their families and I would never dream of saying crass things like "....they brought it on themselves...." etc. because I know now that there are a myriad reasons why these things happen and no one is exempt from suddenly finding themselves facing life threatening illnesses.
Big hugs, your story is heart breaking. I've lost some one close to this too, it's his 1st anniversary in a few weeks and it's been a hard year.
I just don't get that on every addictive products like cigarettes, medications vapes etc, the warnings on all these are strongly put farward, yet alcoholic drinks remain warn free.
I know it is madness and of course people know the dangers but you always think it won't be you, untill it's too late.. The stigma is different someone that smokes 100 cigarettes and gets cancer it's unlucky when an alcoholic develops liver disease they are too blame x
It's hard isn't it, things that happen you want to tell the person you've lost, even actually seeing a food item In the supermarket, that you know they love and you want to buy it for them, I had that yesterday. You just have to walk past and think no point buying it.
Sorry for your loss, maybe you don't have to be better, or move on.. Not yet.. I watched a really interesting video on grief saying how you don't move on you just learn to cope... And how can you move on when you live your life with someone... I'll try and post a link
natalie- thank you for the picture of your dad and you together. Everything you have said, it can be seen in the picture. Two exceptionally beautiful people and time moving on. Best wishes x
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