British Liver Trust
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I think im going to die

I think im going to die

Hi everyone. My name is nick im 43 and have been a alcoholic for about 15 years. I write this post sitting in the waiting room of GP. I finally plucked up the courage to go, ive burried my head for a while. The past few months i started to loose weight noticeably and had really bad night sweats ( guessing portal hypotension) also have breast changes again another sign. Also anothe symptoms is i have really bad bilateral hip pain again thinking avn.

Im terrified!!!!!

5 min to go untill app.

God bless everyone and good luck x

50 Replies
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You've taken the hardest step so be proud. Please keep in touch on this forum as there are some very supportive people here.

Kind regards.

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Thank you my friend i will

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Good luck Nick, now you've identified a potential problem and are going for help that's a huge step and hopefully your doctor will get you to have various tests to check your state of health and whether or not you do potentially have a problem. Good news is if you can stop the cause of any liver damage you can potentially halt it's progress and indeed reverse damage.

Best wishes, Katie

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Thank you. You're right in every way. Blood test done just the wait now. Take care.

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Hi nick

Well done for taking the hardest step in that you’ve realised you have a problem MASSIVE pat on the back.they will prob take blood and one of those will be a liver function test ( LFT) try not to worry pal if there is a problem with results you are on the way already to recovery .lime an soda all the way.

Wishing you the very best

Huw

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Hello Nick_123 . 👋

I am not a liver patient, nor have I any personal experience with alcohol addiction, I joined this forum because someone I love dearly is an ex-alcoholic and has liver issues. I am not really in a position to give any advice as such, but I just wanted to say, it took courage on your part to write this post and I believe this courage will help you through. Today, you are taking this step forward by helping yourself and seeing a doctor. I think you should be very proud. Please do keep posting. You will get so much support which is exactly what you need.

Sending warm wishes,

Cas xx 🌸

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Thank you. Results tom but i know what they will say. I will have to put a brave face on at work which is shit. Pluss prob zero sleep with worry

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Totally understandable to be worried. Hang in there. 🌹

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Hi Nick, as everyone has mentioned, you've taken the first biggest step so good on ya !! PLEASE, even if the dr says after any tests thst your liver is ok , try not to drink

I am a recovering alcoholic, 4 years now but 10 yrs cirrhosis. I fell off the wagon when my dad passed away.

I wished i had the knowledge and the support I have now from this forum as things may have been very different.. good luck. Keep.in touch. Linda

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Well done you! Thats brill. Im on day 5. I get the results in morning i just knkw they are going to be off the scale. Im juat planning what to do about my girlfriend shes 10 years younger and we dont have kids. I love her to bits so considering moving out so she doesn't waste her life. Least she move on then. Isnt this shit! I WISH i listened to people! Hindsight ah.

Night

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Don't leave your girlfriend. Why would you torture her like this. Fight this.

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I feel like she deserves better. If i die in the next 3/5 years shell have to start over again. Im trying to be kind. She wants a family but no doubt i will be impotent. I have one small testicle and gynecomastia so very little chance of having healthy sperm (if any). Also wouldn't it be crule to bring a child in the world knowing their dad would shortly die? I dont want to leave. They say if you love someone set them free.

Its breaking my heart. Thanks x

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What makes you think your going to die in the next few years? ..Look at me and others on here , same position as you are now yet we are still here.

Every day is a blessing, and every day i try to live a normal life past my tiredness and pain. Not easy some days but then life is a rollercoaster ride anyway.

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I meant I no that one when left alone to well

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Day 5 now day 6 ! .. I found the first two weeks the worse during withdrawal, but I was given diazepam. I am still taking them for my anxury flare ups and to try help ease the pain of my lower back.

Let us know your results 😊..as for your girlfriend, talk to her about things, don't ever presume.. keep going! 👍

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Yeah cheers. Yep today has been hard. First AA meeting later 👍its ironic that we are getting on so much better since ive given it up. Will let you know cheers x

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Fantastic nick ! . Oh that does not suprise me .

Alcohol ruins lots of things , not just our health 😕. Hope all goes well at your meeting. X

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Yes moo that one to well

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Yiiuve done the hardest bit by acknowledging you may have a problem and going to see the doctor for tests.

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Well done you for thinking about your health and finally taking action.

You are young enough to make the right choices and enjoy life,rather than waste the rest of it drinking.

Admitting theres a problem and actually doing something about it are huge steps to getting better.

Good luck and take care.

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Hi Nick, well done for going to see your GP. Being honest about being an alcoholic is a huge step to making the best possible change you can make. Every day I wish I could go back in time and help my sister make that big admission. Although we as a family knew she was an alcoholic, she never revealed it to any Dr. My sister died in July 2010 aged 41. I'm not saying this to scare you, or to make you feel bad, but to show you that just this first step could be the difference in your story.

On the positive side, the liver is very amazing and can regenerate, and carry out the most important functions even if its damaged. Your gender helps, men's livers are bigger, and can tolerate more abuse than womens. So now you have had tests you can find out what you're dealing with. You will need support to give up alcohol, I hope your gp has explained that it isn't safe to stop suddenly if you are alcohol dependant. You would probably benefit from being detoxed, and getting support via the NHS and other organisations. The BLT site has lots of info and resources regarding help to deal with alcohol addiction. Please use the services as you are much more likely to be successful.

Many people on this site have beat their addictions, and their lives are massively improved. I really hope this is the case for you!!

I wish you well, and send many positive vibes for your new start.

Take care

E x

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Thank you E. Very nice and useful message. I keep asking myself why?

Thank you again x

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Hi Nick I echo everything said above x

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So do i x

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Hey Nick. I had to do through the same thing a week ago. Sending good vibes your way.

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Cheers. Were they okay?

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My exam and bloodwork was entirely fine - low on vitamins B and C. I’m still fairly concerned though, my skin tone is a super odd color. For now I’m going to take a breather - work on staying sober, telling my parents, work on moving back home - before I do imaging studies to check the damage done.

Best of luck to you man. I was a mess, shaking with nervousness. Keep me updated. Peace.

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Sad

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Hi Nick

Tough love coming for a moment.

Don't assume you are dying. I know how scarybit all us but that doesn't mean you are about to become daisy fertiliser.

Even if it is cirrhosis there are a lot of things they can do now.

Your anxiety is being made worse by the alcohol withdrawal - be very proud of how you are doing with that btw.

We aren't a bad bunch of patients, carers and everyone concerned about their liver.

Please leave Dr Google alone. If your tests show any kind of liver problem get your information from your doctors, The British Liver Trust, the NHS general site or a support site linked to a transplant centre.

Wishing you the best possible outcome with your results.

Rita

Xx

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Ha. 100% rita thank you for the support x

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Nick I’m from the U.S.A.

You have support from all over the world now. Please keep us posted. We care.

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Thank you so much. I appreciate it

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Hi Nick,

As has been said well done for owning your problem and wanting to get the required help. I am a recovering alcoholic ( nearly 16 years sober) have Cirrhosis and Liver cancer but still smile my way through every day. The very best thing I have ever done was commit to change my life. The biggest thing for me was “what will I do with all this extra time” now it’s “ there’s not enough hours in the day” my friends are real friends not fair weather friends, my life is full of joy and laughter. As has been said avoid Dr Google because if you are anything like me a simple headache can turn into a brain tumour with a couple of clicks of the mouse.

Remember that “the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”

Ray

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Very true. Its people like you that makes this site great for support. Thank you. And well done. Keep well. Nick

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Nick well done for going to the doctor. You have made the first step to the rest of your life. I really hope your journey is a good one and has a happy outcome. xxx

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Thank you. Fingers x

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Hi Nick , I have cirrosis ,had a decompressed liver 8 years ago , the doctors didn't expect me to make , but I came through it and not drank for 8 years had had a relapse a few months ago and and had a community detox 4 weeks ago . So I am not that far behind you on your journey. I have to agree with the above posts that your hightened anxiety regarding your (undiagnosed condition) it probably more related to giving up alcohol and changing your life style. When you have processed some of these things , maybe you should have this conversation with your girlfriend, you just might be pleasant surprise or at the least your honesty. Good luck my friend , you have no need to suffer in silence.

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Catrina. Thank you for the lovely message. Its people like you that gives me hope. I will have the chat but dredding it. The withdrawal is making really anxious but am on beta blockers which help. This site has made me feel im not alone x. Better go trying told hold a job down ironically in the operating theatre 👍

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I had to have the same chat with my husband a few weeks ago. I was dredding it , I felt I had let him down, I felt ashamed and week. He listens very quietly , he said he already knew and he was waiting for me to bring it up. He has been very supportive, it just nice to know you are both on the side side. You and your girlfriend Will get on better,now ,there is no room for threesome 😎 just one day at time , so just enjoy and get through today.

Kind regards Catrina.

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Hope it goes well Nick least you are there and hope it works well !

Have you had your hips tested?

I got AVN bilateral ages 27 and it’s annoying

Next year planning on getting the new hips !

Keep us updated

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Welcome to the forum Nick_123

Congratulations for taking the first steps towards a healthier life.

You will find lots of information on our website and we hope you will also find understanding and support from our amazing forum members.

Warm wishes

Trust1

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Slow down and take one day at a time, life is not about the book, it's about the pages that you write every day. It took courage to realize you need help and get to the doctor. Tell your girlfriend! Let her decide what she wants. It sounds like you have already given up. The body is an amazing thing, my husband went through a lot before his liver transplant physically, and if he had given up on himself he might not be here now. Glad you have stopped drinking, that is an accomplishment that you should be proud of. Let the people you love be there for you. Good luck to you, and God bless!

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Thank you. First trip to AA tonight 20.00 x

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Yo fam!! How was that meeting? I’ve been going to a ton too. Like it?

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Hi Nick,

I was diagnosed with end-stage liver cirrhosis and given 2-3 months to live...8yrs ago! I'm a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for 8.5 yrs now. The doctors told me that I needed a transplant if I was going to live, but that I had to prove 6 months sobriety first. Seeing as how I wasn't expected to live that long, I wasn't put on the transplant list at all. Today, I have a life beyond my wildest dreams! I've been through some tough times but always had support from my friends in Alcoholics Anonymous so I have never needed to pick up a drink. Life gets good in sobriety, buddy. It gets weird at first, then it gets better, and then it just gets plain awesome! All the best to you, my friend. Please keep in touch on this forum. Prayers for you and your girl headed your way. God bless.

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Fantastic! I agree , life gets better , 10 yrs cirrhosis, I know I get the old daily symptoms besides my mobility issues but I would never swap back to them awful alcohol dependency days..

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I am 28 y/o had been alcoholic for 10 years off and on (mostly beer). I say if I add back to back it would be everyday for around 4 years or 5 years. I thought I had some bad liver problems as I had been feeling extremely sick not feeling good, lack of energy, swelling abdomen, swelling feeling around the liver area, feeling cold all the time, insomnia (still suffer from this). I have had a couple ultrasounds, a CT scan, bloodwork including full panel everything, even checked my thyroid etc. I have had 3 rounds of blood tests with liver with thought I did some major damage but all come back fine. Doctor said my liver tests are probable "better than his" I quit alcohol last year then fired back up and self justified some "friday night beer" ended up drinking 1-3 times a week but recently gave it up again been a a couple weeks. Dr. Google will say your dead tomorrow. I even have some liquid in my abdomen (CT scan did not rule ascites). The CT scan can only see a certain amount of liquid. Last couple weeks I heard of a condition called "leaky gut." Although I am sure I have hammered on my liver a lot and still think there is damage they are not seeing, the fact is alcohol takes a toll on your body but can be controlled by diet, exercise, enjoying your life (laughing, etc). I heard of a guy that had cancer and he said he was going to laugh the cancer away, guess what, he did. Dr. Google said it was a sure death. Alcohol irritates the stomach, liver, gallbladder, pancreas, intestinal tract you name it. Over time can cause small pinholes through your intestinal tract, cause irritable bowel syndrome, decrease testosterone in men (its a depressant). Certain foods can help increase that back such as broccoli which goes back to diet and exercise. I think I have some intestinal issues that are messing with me, truly think I have liver problems but theres only one thing you can do, stop drinking. If you live by a store, sell the house and move away. If you live with an alcoholic, move out until they get sober. If you have friends that drink inform them you cant go out with them on friday night or better yet GET SOME NEW FRIENDS. I am not preaching but this is one reason Christians have fellowship every Sunday (to keep their mind on track), use this example to do what you love to keep your "mind on track". If a job is making you drink, quit that job. Anything you have to do to stay off alcohol and I guarantee I will see you posting on here a year from now, two years, three years etc. Anyways, your not dead, human body is an amazing thing and can heal if you stock putting toxins in your body. My mom drank for 20 years everyday and quit several years back, guess what, shes still here Doctors gave here a lifespan deadline expiration date but God healed her. Doctors dont have the answer to everything, they go to school and learn a lot but they dont know everything and they cant know everything. Keep your chin up, even if you have some negative tests results and even worst case if the doctor puts an expiration date on you, laugh at them cause I guarantee you will live years and years longer if you put your mind at ease. Meditate if you have to. Save up for a vacation, anything you have to do to stay off alcohol, please dont go back to it. Best of luck let us know how it goes

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Hi again Nick

Just popping back to check in with you.

Hope the appointment went loads better than you expected.

Rita

Xx

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Hi Nick ... well done for recognising you have a drink problem and for taking control of it now. It is essential you be as honest and open with your girlfriend as you have been with yourself and us. If she loves you, which I'm sure she does she will respect your honesty and support you through your recovery. So don't push her away, look after each other. Please keep us posted. I hope the AA meetings help you.

All the best xx

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God bless you I was in ad still am in state 3yrs sober it's hard but belive me if I can do it as one addiction to another you came on here that's the hardest thing ,I was terrified if I got reply .Best thing I

Ever done was stop and 25yrs litre a day , the people on here kept me going kept me sane and I ain't got any answers but you ain't alone .me posts confusing ADHD but the support is unreal.

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