Im so down i dont know what to do. Over the last few months I've put my family through hell but never seem to think of them before doing what I want to do. After weeks in hospital and coming out mid Jan i had a big problem sleeping and the doc prescribed me small dose of zoplicone to take very occationally. This helped then around a month ago he said he wanted me not to have any more as they are addictive and I need to get into a natural sleep pattern. After around a week of sleepless nights i ended up ordering some from the internet, even though I know they are not good for my liver and are addictive etc. The inevitable happened and I found myself wanting more and more. This came to a head around a week ago when my wife found my tablets and quite rightly was furious, the children all know what I've done and I feel like they are all better off without it me. Anyway went last week to hospital as having a new consultant, all bloods came back still improving (no idea how but that's good) but the new consultant shocked me by bluntly saying I am end stage cirrosis and he will see me in 3 months to check levels and send me to Birmingham. I called my old consultant who said he didn't think that I will require a transplant as my levels are all good and he has thought all along that I will recover enough to live a life again. Now my head is all over the place, I've wrecked my family, am convinced I'm about to die and can't get any lower. The sleeping tablets I've stopped and I've not touched a drop of alcohol since November but my head is in such a mess I really feel like ending it all, the only thing stopping me is my family and if I carry on the way I am I won't have them much longer either... just wanted to get that all off my chest as my wife doesn't need anymore of my pitty
Hate myself : Im so down i dont know... - British Liver Trust
Hate myself
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
Hi Chris
Firstly well done with stopping the alcohol !! That is by far the best thing you’ve done and this could well be significant in you not being able to sleep,the booze can really not only damage your liver but impacts hugely on your brain and in turn anxiety problems.please don’t buy anything from the internet as you just don’t know what’s in them and your family are quite right to be furious but that’s because they love you, ask your GP for help through possible counselling to talk through your problems.as regards you seeing a new consultant (am assuming Hepatology)then you must listen and do what he/she advises as although your bloods are improving which is great your liver could of deteriorated since seeing your previous consultant, have you changed hospitals? If your results are being sent to Birmingham then I believe that is one of only 6 transplant hospitals in the country so you will be in good hands.
You will find a lot of help on here with people with greater knowledge than me so good luck my friend and stay strong
Thanks for replying. Not changed hospitals (still under Leighton South Cheshire) saw new consultant last Monday and old Tuesday so bloods were new ... going to see gp this week to see what's what and see about councilling / anti depressants or anything that can help me
Hi
I agree, please don't buy anything off the internet, it might not be right for you.
I would urge you to really open up with your Dr, he might want to refer you for counselling and give you antidepressants. I've read referred myself back for counselling as I started to feel really low, on tabs as well. My Dr rightly said it's the illness causing the depression. Your family will be worried about you and want to help you. Take care, keep your chin up Lynne
don't be too hard on yourself... im sure lots of us understand your desperation for sleep... its overwhelming... i know been there got the t shirt and still suffer with it...
you can turn this round and sounds to me as if you already have...
today is a new day so look forward not back... your family im sure will come round in time... they are only uoset and angry because they care... im sure.
you all sound like you need a family chat... tell them how hard it is.... let them read some posts on here, unless you've lived with liver disease there is no way to comprehend how hard it is...
let them know you want to put things right but need their support...
say sorry... hug and make up if they will let you.
remember you have choices...
good luck and best wishes cazer
Hi Chris,
We have sent you a personal message,
Best wishes
Hey I'm sorry you're in such a bad place.
Can't really advise on your mental state other than hang in there for your family and yourself. Having end stage liver disease is not necessarily the end of the road. I was in the same situation, a transplant later, now I feel better than I have in a long time. As for the sleep trouble, I'd been suffering for months before and after the transplant. Tried zopiclone, hated it! Didn't do much and that metallic taste... 🤢 Was enjoying the painkillers (oxycodone) a little too much though as it seemed to help with sleep and nerve pain, albeit whilst making me feel like a zombie all day. The sweats and chills when stopping were not the most pleasant experience. The only thing that worked for me in the end was the good old gym. Since joining a few weeks ago, I've been sleeping like a baby.
Don't give up hope, everything will work out in the end.
The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.
Hi! Newbie needs help!!
Looking for some reassurance.
First post, please help!
Update on hubby 13/7/2021
Newbie here - supporting my dad through Cirrhosis
