Dying

[Ajn1]

I know i have end stage cirrhosis but can't tell my wife and children. I just want to end my life

[susieanna]

When you say end stage, has this been confirmed? Is liver compensated/ decompensated?? Any chance of liver transplant; if you are a drinker you need to be 6 months free of alcohol; then you could be considered; all is not necessarily lost; you will see many people on here that live many, many years with cirrhosis. Why cant you tell wife/ kids? You will need support. xx

[Ajn1 in reply to susieanna]

Frightened. I was told 10 years ago to stop. Now drinking out of control.

[susieanna in reply to Ajn1]

I understand your fears of everything; first things first; im guessing your wife knows you drink; i think you must tell her; secondly; do you want to stop? If so, you can get detoxed in a safe environment, though you may have to wait a bit; you would be safe and get given all the right medication and treatment. The drink no doubt is making you even more depressed; i don't know how old you are/ are your children young; even if not, you have a family that loves you im sure and wouldn't want you to die. When you are free of the booze, you can look at the liver side of things more closely; all is NOT lost; But you must stop; if you stop the cause, in your case, booze; the liver wont get further damaged. xxx

[Kristian]

Its probably worth noting here that sometimes cirrhosis can be referred to as "end stage liver disease". That doesn't necessarilly mean that's it. Many people with end stage liver disease live for a long time without too many significant issues. The beauty in your case is, you still have the ability to do something about your condition. Ok, you've got some scar tissue built up and thats not likely to go away. However, you can stop or significantly slow down further damage occurring. It does though mean that you'll have to give up the alcohol, but thats much better and easier than giving up life.

You've nothing to be embarrased or ashamed of. Time to stop worrying about what others may think of you. Ok, you perhaps didn't follow some instructions you may have been given some time ago. You made a mistake, so what, everybody makes mistakes. The thing about mistakes is, they are there to enable you to learn and grow. You now have an opportunity to do just that. Take it and look back in 6 months, a year, or 2 years time and glow in your feeling of achievement. It will be a great feeling. Just think how proud your family will be of you if you do just that, and, how proud you can justifiably be of yourself.

If you need help ask for it. It will be there for you.

[Chinajohn]

Hi AJN 1 . I know exactly how you feel, many times in my drinking days cursed the morning when I woke up. Better for everyone I go was my thought , the fear and despair were beyond explanation. But a miracle ! after 17 years of knowing I was an alcoholic but just could not accept it, there was always another attempt to try and prove everyone wrong and have a few drinks when I wanted. I took my last drink in 1999 or 2000 did not know the year or even decade I finally surrendered, two things I can assure you. One it will get a lot worse before you go and two if your still breathing you have a chance.

I have cirrossis have known for 20 years, in Febuary this year I was hospitalised for Spontanous Bactirial Perrititis, varicese, odema, acseties. A tough call bought on we suspect due to paracetamol and neurofen taken together for knee pain.

Seek AA nothing to lose, if it does not help you can have your old life back

All the Best a Day at a Time John

[PGoodrum]

you obviously love your wife and kids which is why you can't tell them as you know it'll hurt them, use that knowledge to seek the help you need. As others have said in other replies you always have a chance at living longer than you might think, you just need to get the right help. Make the steps to get that help, talk to your wife - she doesn't want you or your kids to suffer, she will help you. Talk it through on here if you need to - there are plenty of people who will listen, encourage and if close by meet for coffee and moral support.

[19581979]

Hi Ajn1

Life is hard. We often don't want to face the next day, but we are scared not to because death is even more scary.

We can't tell you what to do you have to make your own mind up.

You can either:

Give up drink, take it one day at a time. Speak with your medical advisors and get guidance on what you can and can't turn around with regard to your liver. Seek help on stopping drinking. If you need an insensitive put the money away to buy something special for your wife and kids. Or maybe if you have debts start trying to clear them. I don't know your situation, i'm not asking for information, that is your business. Do you need other help, I ask because stress can often lead to a lot of other issues?

The other choice is carry on with what you are doing and you could well find life is a lot shorter than it probably needs to be.

The first choice is hard. It is going to need a lot of effort from you. Everyday step is going to be difficult and you are going to need to tell your family how much you love them. You need every bit of help you can get, but it would be wonderful if you were on this site telling someone else in ten years time that it isn't easy but you can make changes. You do it the same way as walking one step at a time. One day at a time.

If you take this route don't blame yourself for what has been. We've all done something we are not proud of at sometime or another. The past can't be changed. The important part is what you plan for the future.

It is your choice. This is a site where there are an awful lot of people who have to make tough decisions every day of their lives. I have found a lot of support from them. We will all be rooting for you.

Positive thoughts and lots of good wishes

Gx

[Hidden]

Hi

As others have said, having end stage liver disease/cirrhosis is not necessarily the end of the road. Don't be ashamed if it was caused by drinking. My dad has been an alcoholic most of his life, yet his liver is fine, although he has several other health issues.

This time last year I was waiting for a liver transplant which luckily was carried out over Christmas. Even though I was so unwell and feeling low most of the time, I never thought about ending it all. I have a beautiful family who need me just as much as I need them so I wasn't going to let a bump in the road get the better of me.

I suggest you get all the help you can, talk to your family, we can only do so much by advising you but ultimately this is your fight. With the right support I'm sure you'll pull through.

Good luck!

[Worriednut in reply to Hidden]

Do you feel better now? Like energy wise etc?

[Hidden in reply to Worriednut]

There is no comparison to this time last year. I still get some fatigue but that's common for post transplant patients. Could be due to medications, body still adjusting to the new liver or both. Ideally you'd want your own liver, obviously, but when too much damage has been done, this is the best thing one could hope for. I would hate being in a state of limbo where you're not sick enough to undergo a transplant but not well enough to be healthy either.

[tim90125water]

Tell your wife, you will need her support and understanding to get through this. Think of it as a new start together to beat this. In my experience it was stressful but essential. She loves you and wants to help you get it right. Without judging, suicide would leave your loved ones feeling guilty that they did not do more, so give them the chance to understand and help. Nothing is certain, you could have many years together.

Good luck.

[Hidden]

Hi

Good advice above so what I would is

1 Stop drinking! This decision has to be made by you alone if it’s going to work

2 I made the decision for my own Good reasons and always remember that when tempted. I didn’t have one last drink.

3 Get a MELD or UKELD score online to confirm stage 4 End Stage.

4 Speak to your family you will need lots of practical support and love. I was very low but dealt with it with their help.

If your in end stage your option is a transplant.

Unfortunately I’ve become too ill to survive surgery but continue to defy the doctors by living.

Why don’t you say now I’ve stopped drinking and do it.

Best of luck

[mncold]

So sorry to hear this is how you are feeling. I don't how old you are or why you feel you can't tell your family what you think is going on or even how hard it would be for you to quit drinking.

I can only tell you some of our story. My husband was a drinker and kept saying he could quit anytime. We moved halfway across the U.S. for his new job about 17 years ago. The children and I always knew he drank a lot. After many years here and having a local doctor he started having medical issues and along the way told his doctor he felt suicidal at times, so the doctor upped his antidepressant. The hubby had neck surgery - a bulging disc was interferring with his walking, and things improved somewhat. Then he retired and the drinking increased, went to the doctor for something and got a call, before Thanksgiving 2 years ago, to go to the ER immediately, he waited til I got home from grocery shopping. He was in liver and kidney failure. He went by ambulance to a hospital nearby known for its liver doctors and I got my younger son to drive me there as my night vision stinks. I stayed with him almost constantly the entire time he was there. At one point he thought I was his sister, so the doctors were not optimistic. Then his kidneys recovered and after a few days he started to remember the year and then the date and eventually he was discharged to rehab, where he stayed a few days until it drove him nuts and he came home on Thanksgiving day. He quit drinking in the hospital and, I don't know how he did it, but he hasn't had a drink since, although his liver doctor said n/a beer was okay and he drinks that. Our last liver doctor visit in July of this year went well and the doctor said he can look forward to at least 20 more years, my husband just turned 70.

Life can go from bad to better and I wish the best for you. I hope you have a loving family and/or friends that can help support you, but they can't unless you let them know. There is often help for those who have difficulty quitting on their own and AA is not the only place if AA doesn't work for you.

Again, best wishes to you during this time.

Mary

[Faithfull in reply to mncold]

I really cried bless your hearts and I hope that's what gonna happen as they keep telling me one thing then another ,

[GrannyDoll61]

Your wife will already have a good idea what is going on.Once she knows all the facts she can help you to move forward.

[A9KSY]

Its incredibly difficult and sad. Be brave and honest and whatever way it goes just try and enjoy your wife kids and yourself

[Hidden in reply to A9KSY]

Hi

Please tell your wife and kids so that they can support you through all this. Please take care. Lynne

[cazer]

end stage can go on for a long time... are you getting symptoms.

do you the kind thing for your family and tell them... they would want to know.

you might be surprised at their reaction.

we had to contemplate my mortality when I had a newborn and 3 others... we got through it.

our children were 9 6 and 3... and a baby and mummy was quite possibly going to die!!! at that point I was classed as end stage... 19years later ive now had a transplant...

please however long you have... make the most of it.... let those that love you help..

best wishes cazer. x

[Hidden]

Dear Ajn1

We are very sorry to hear that you feel this way.

Please contact your GP without delay to discuss how you feel.

Otherwise please contact the Samaritans at: samaritans.org/how-we-can-h... (telephone no: 116 123).

There is help and support out there.

BLT Admin team

[Faithfull in reply to Hidden]

That's just what I was going to do and glad you pu no in

[JulesCurtis]

Please start talking to those who care, they will want to know xxx good luck xxx

[19581979]

Hi Ajn1

It would be good to hear from you. Sometimes on this site we like to just chat. I hope you don't mind me doing that now. I've caught a cold virus or bug whatever you want to call it. It has made me really irritable. I've been coughing and sounding like a chimney that hasn't been swept in years. Wouldn't mind but I don't smoke. Those who know me know I love my cup of tea, especially with a rich tea biscuit. Tea has tasted foul. I've ended up drinking boiled water.

I had better have lost a few pounds due to this bug. I need to lose some, so something good better come from it or I will be really cheesed off. If I have lost weight it doesn't need to come back either, or I will cry.

The good thing about the bug though, is that when I'm not too tired I have done a bit of reading. I tend to read light hearted romance. I choose that because it requires no effort to read and helps me to sleep. I also find the story lines so unbelievably funny due to their lack of reality. The main thing is they help me to relax and get to sleep. So have a laugh at my choice, but don't put me down as believing what I read.

Do you do any reading? What type of reading do you prefer?

My husband reads a lot of different types of books. He likes a really good thriller which a good plot he has trouble working out. Or if it is easy to work out it better be really good at showing the steps taken to prove a case. He also likes humour, if tired he often reads old peanuts cartoons. He has a set of the complete Charles Schulz peanuts cartoons.

Take care and please get in touch, it would be nice to chat.

Gx

[Faithfull in reply to 19581979]

Your words of lack of reality and funny that's how I try live me life joking and if I make someone laugh it makes me laugh and yes when laughing there is nothing for a while while you get even a five min break from it . As always look after yourself .

[Shadow123-]

Please please please tell them. I lost my partner in May. I knew it was coming, I had that luxury but I thought he would get to the end of the year. I so regret the things I never told him and sometimes i gave him a real hard time about drinking so the guilt eats away. In the end it's up to you but please try to let your family in. Let them help. Peace 🌞 Taania

[MavisDavis]

Who told you that?