Still trying to wrap head around it!

[Vgrady76]

Well it's nearly result day this Friday, I'm prepared for bad news, my head is all over the place, can't concentrate, trying to pretend everyhing is Ok, trying to act normal for my kids sake, husband can't do enough, he's off work at the moment which is good, so hes home with me all day, just very scared of the unknown, I'm normally in control of what goes on in my life, but this is torture, I constantly reassure myself that I'm going to be absolutely fine, and I've got to trust what the treatment plan will be, just want to be able to think to myself that I will still be going on my family holiday next year, an all this will be in the past, HELP!

[Hidden]

Hi there

Reading this took me back to july '15, I could have written this!

I was 34 when I was diagnosed and I fully agree about the waiting being the worst bit.

From mammogram and biopsy to result of that biopsy was 9 days and I felt exactly how you have just explained. My husband was a wreck, kept crying and I was putting on a brave face for him and our kids.

My husband drove me to hospital on the results day and as we were shown into the side room before the consultant came in, we sat there, him juggling his knee up and down, restless in his chair, me concentrating on the tick of the clock, the tap dripping in the sink, the marking of the passage of time, of my life as I had known it (sounds dramatic but thats how I felt!).

Then the consultant came in, told me the results, and I sprung into life, asked lots of questions, I actually felt a release of all those days of torture as you say. I didn't cry, we had a plan and the consultant was confident so that's what I clung onto.

Nearly 3 years on and I'm doing well, cancer free.

I will be thinking of you Friday, best wishes.

Caroline x

[Vgrady76 in reply to Hidden]

Caroline....you are an angel replying to me, I'm so scared, I've prepared myself for the bad news, consultant was 90% sure when i went to the breast clinic last week, so he knows what he's looking at, he was so confident I'm already on waiting list for lumpectomy, even before the results come in this Friday, it will be an absolute miracle if it's not but I know it is.....I can handle the where an when of the treatment plan, I don't think i can handle the stage , type you get what I mean, I think I will not be able to cope, I've got a vision in my head that the consultant gonna come the room and say NOPE can't help you, even though he told me it's been got early, it's very small, and it's not been I'm my breast for very long, he did give me a lot of reassurence, but I think in my crazy head their all lying to me, how crazy am I x

[Hidden in reply to Vgrady76]

I hear you! In my days of waiting I developed pains in my groin area, like where your lymp nodes are at top of legs, in my mind my body was riddled with cancer and I thought that the consultant was going to give me a time!!!

As soon as I met my oncologist I told him about the pains and he examined me and reassured me there was nothing wrong, and unbelievably the pain went, it was all psychosymatic! my mind was inventing symptoms, sounds crazy now looking back.

Already things are sounding reassuring for you, if it is cancer then your consultant seems like they are already on it!

Mine wasn't classed as particularly early, it was grade 3 (most changed cells) and stage 2b and slightly invasive, it was in my sentinel node at time of biopsy but later found not to be in any others.

I had chemo, mastectomy, herceptin injections and radiotherapy. Doesn't sound like you'll need the full menu yourself!

[Vgrady76 in reply to Hidden]

I know exactly what you mean, I've got a bad arm anyway, which I've had since last year, but got it seem to this year, I've got Tendonitis of the shoulder, an swollen bursa, had Cortisone injection which relieved the pain, but this was at beginning of year, so naturally, I think there is something wrong with my arm, I'm having funny sensations everywhere,legs arms back, omg what's wrong with me, before Friday I felt just fine xx

[jackearls1000 in reply to Vgrady76]

Its anxiety ...and no matter what we say ..you will be anxious, i had that and though all sort of bad things ...its human nature ...i was exactly where you are now this time last year ....my posts are the same ...probably worst ..please try to stay calm ..knowledge is power ..but do not google and read everything on the web ...its not accurate and treatment has changed dramatically even recently ...so my advise to you is to just take each stage as it comes ...now you have been told its likely ...and a lumpectomy is on the cards ....so concentrate on that ....i went on holiday during last summer ...in fact i went on two festivals, and went on a weeks holiday and took my daughter and friend to a fun park after my lumpectomy .... its not a bad operation as long as you prepare yourself and do exercises ....and keep a positive mind ...you get great support and the lumpectomy is a day operation and your home before you know it ...i bought nice new sheets ...films ..and nightie ...as a treat and was only in bed for one day which was a bore was looking forward to duvet days ....was up and about really quick ....then ,you will be waiting again for results and the next stage of treatment ...so then you plan nice things with your family ....you wont know till then whats next ...so it is a long waiting game ... i went to spain the day after i was told and it was awful the first few days ...but the nurse i kept ringing told me my worst enemy is my mind ...she was right and i ended up really enjoying my summer holidays ..despite everything ...now im out the other side ...looking forward to going away tomorrow ...good luck Friday ...you will be fine ....that i do know ...if you would like my number you can call me for a chat ...a kind lady on here did for me and it did help ....God Bless you Jane xxx

[Vgrady76 in reply to jackearls1000]

Omg Jane, your story is amazing it's give me some relief, everything you have said makes so much sense you are a true superstar, I just want this nasty thing out of me, I think my mind set will b a bit better one Lumpectomy is over.....Jane I will definitely keep in touch, oh if you don't mind me asking are you similar in age to me 42Yr? And did you have complete confidence in your consultant and the care team, my dad said he would pay for me to go private, but at the moment I'm trusting the NHS x

[jackearls1000 in reply to Vgrady76]

Im 55 this July ...i have been doing slimming world for 4 years ...i lost 4 half stone hence why i found the blighter ...( lump) ....yes i put myself in the hands of my surgeon and breast cancer nurse ...they were brilliant ...so going private wont make any difference ...it will be the same people ...you'll never guess i went to three festivals with the lump still there ...one in spain the other in Italy ...they were pre booked and im glad i went ...the lumpectomy itself takes about 20 minutes ..i had a 13 hour wait lol .....i got out of hospital half an hour after being awake tucking into a curry lol ...i was starving ....just go with the flow and try not to panick ...you can always call breastcancer,org ..the nurses are brilliant and will put your and your husbands mid at ease ....always here xxx

[Vgrady76 in reply to jackearls1000]

Thanks so much ,sorry I'm being a pain, you have been a great help with what to except, I to can't wait to hear them words after I've had my Lumpectomy ' Cancer free' and like you said then the treatment starts soon after, like you the nurse said to me, that Chemo might not be needed, but radiotherapy was definitely, not looking forward to losing my hair....not at all , but if that is what's recommended then it will have to be, what I'm finding hard is that I still have youngish children, an they do require a good amount of my time an attention, I'm worried I won't be able to do it all😣

[jackearls1000 in reply to Vgrady76]

you will ...i didn't want chemo ....but had to have it to make sure the small type cells were killed or didn't get through ...its like a sweep ...i had 6 x fec ....it was ok ...doable ...i had a cold cap and saved some of my hair ....even wore a wig ...honest if i thought this time last year i was going to wear a wig i would have said ...no way .....i lost 75% of my hair and only finished chemo back in January ...but now you wouldn't know ...i saved enough to colour it ( i found a vegan hair dye ) ...and have weaves ...my hair is long again, i can wash it style it ...its wonderful....so there is always a way ...i felt a little squiffy for a day or two after each treatment ...its a bit like morning sickness...but other than that i was fine ..even went to chessington adventure park for the weekend at Halloween half term .. you just ned to rest a bit ...i got up early did my work and rested in the afternoon before everyone came home from school and work ...i shopped online and used a slow cooker for meals ...but at the mo ...you wont need to know this ....please try not to panic so much ...you will be fine ....one step at a time ...one hurdle at a time xxxx

[Vgrady76 in reply to jackearls1000]

Jane, your words are so soothing to me, it has lowered my aniexty, and on Friday I will be holding your imaginery hand, what ever the treatment is I will have to do it, I will keep you posted on Friday, I might need some words of encouragment xx

[jackearls1000 in reply to Vgrady76]

That is brilliant ...i will try to answer ...i'm away till Monday ..but ill try and get on line Friday ...take a pen and paper i with you and write stuff down ....you will only remember half the information and write down any questions you what answering before you go in .....good luck, i promise you will feel a bit better after your appointment, remember tho ...you will probably already know most of it now ...the rest will be answered after your lumpectomy ....take care and try to get out in the nice weather over the weekend ..lots of love Jane x

[Debs1962]

Caroline has described exactly how all of us felt waiting for those horrible results, it is hell waiting, but like her I was calm when I heard the results, it was a relief you know what you are dealing with and the plan starts coming together.

You will be able to deal with this, it does change your life, the way you feel about things etc. Just keep saying to yourself I will beat this I must do this for my kids, that’s what my sister said to me when I was waiting for results and just thought I needed to plan my funeral! You will do anything to stay with your kids and family .

Thinking of you xx

[Trumps]

Hello. I completely agree with the other ladies, the wait for results is by far the worst part of this cancer journey. I had a 3 week wait (due to Christmas and being away) between being told the lump looked highly suspicious and actually hearing the words 'yes it is cancer'. During the agonising wait my body ached all over and I was convinced I was riddled with it (I wasn't) . Like you, I also tried to put on a brave face for my children and husband despite the thoughts of impending doom ever present in my mind. It was without a doubt, the most stressful time of my life. When the results day finally came I was overcome with anxiety before entering the building but as soon as I was in the Consultant's office and heard what we were dealing with it was like someone had released the pressure valve and I felt totally calm and relieved that the wait was over. Please try not to Google and second guess your results (I did but stopped when it almost tipped me over the edge). Try to get out and about in the sunshine, go to the cinema or anything that distracts you. Nytol helped me sleep a bit the nights before - exhaustion is no friend of anxiety. I am now just over a year out from the end of my treatment and whikst I wouldn't wish the experience in anyone, it has given me a new appreciation of life and good health. I will be thinking of you on Friday, you are stronger than you think. ❤️

[Vgrady76 in reply to Trumps]

I have accepted that I've got it, my Consultant was 90%, just hope I can cope with the info he's going to give me on Friday, I feel like saying to him...please just baby steps for now, I don't want to much info, because I will end up googling it, and start a panic in my head, I'm so angry , because WHY ME....I'm only 42yr, no drinking no smoking, watch what I eat, I'm probably about a stone overweight but that's not that bad, apart from that I'm totally healthy....well apparently not!

[Knockane]

Oh god you poor thing. I can feel all those emotions riding in me like they did last November. I too thought I was riddled. I spent the whole week lying on the bed going round and around the worse case scenario. I didn't eat a bite or sleep for a minute and drank bottles of wine . But like the other ladies when I got back to the breast clinic for my results the minute the consultant came into the room it was like a sense of peace came over me and I knew no matter what she told me I was going to be ok and fight it. I know it's easier said than done but try to relax and rest coz you will need all your strength as you go forward. Your oncologist sounds very positive so I would hold onto that and take it from there on Friday. Best of luck and let us know how you get on xxx

[Jennymary]

Sending good luck wishes for tomorrow xxx

[Vgrady76 in reply to Jennymary]

Thank you, I will post my outcome tomorrow, all of you lovely ladies have give me so much reassurance, and I know I'm going to be absolutely fine, I know I can do this, it's not going to happen over night, and the process is gonna take some time. Xx