Its never lasted so long before or been so bad for ages - over 2 weeks. I cant talk or type or speak to people when its on. I just feel like a big inert lump who just stares mindlessly at the telly and sleeps a lot. I did force myself out some but speaking and putting on a happy face was exhausting which made me more tired. I felt just completely numb and detached which is horrible.
Thank you very much all those who cared and were supportive - just the feeling that I was wanted and understood was the only thing that helped. Hopefully sense of humour will return in a day or so.
I do understand what you have been through, my daughter in law suffers from chronic depression, it stems back to when her mum died when she was 15 and it was not talked about, she needed councelling but didnt get it, how different things might have been. 4 children later she is still taking anti depressants and if she gets down, as she still does, its hard knowing what to say or do to help, because nothing does. Her bed is her best friend and her way of coping with problems is to go to bed and get under the covers, which is so hard for the rest of the family,they have a new baby now so he has to make herself go as much as possible, though when she's up, she's very up.
This happened to me when I was 12 and like your d-in-law it affected me through my adult life, until I was offered NHS psychotherapy about 10 yrs ago. It made a huge difference, I just wish it had been available when I was a younger woman. So it's not too late for her to get help. Also there is a very good book aimed at people who lost a parent as teenagers or young adults, which she might find comforting amazon.co.uk/When-Parents-D...
love, FF x
in reply to
I have had quite a bit of NHS counselling FF. It has made some difference but it hasn't stopped the downs.....glad it helped you so much though. x
hi hypercat, just wanted to say glad ur feeling better, and that youre not alone i think there is probably alot more people that feel down but dont or wont talk about it and u should be proud of yourself for being so open and honest. I too have been very down and that is why i havent been online much lately, it just seems to consume you and use up what little energy you have!
Glad the black dog has gone walkies, lets hope it stays away for a long time. When I am like that I liken myself to a telescope, I can feel myself going in on myself until there is very little left. The problem is that we just have to go with it as there is nothing we can do. xx
Hi Hypercat, so glad I read you post as sorry you have been going through such hell but this has really gave me hope as thats exacty how I feel and through you, I know I can climb out of this hole but need time, its hard when you feel like this and you have to try and explain to people its not them and to leave me alone .. so pleased for you love keep going maybe we'll see each other at the top of the tree one day with a big smile on our face xxxxtake care my loverly. xx
Hi squirell thanks for your lovely comments. One of the reasons I posted was because I know others feel the same way sometimes. But all I could type in was the one word 'down'. When I am coming out of it I understand and can explain how I feel. When I am fully out I can't relate to it at all and it seems incredible. I think talking about it is a help to both me and other sufferers like yourself. I do know that things generally get better but sometimes I think 'suppose they don't?'. The fear of feeling that way forever is unimaginable.
The main problem I always found with it was having to go to work. I was generally incapable of that but usually had to go anyway. Looking back it was at these times I got upset at work and ended up crying and people being impatient and annoyed with me. Or taking time off and, in my last job, being sacked for it. Its was ok when I had job where I could have an off day or two and get away with it but my last job was only on the phones and I found it impossible to talk to people all day. I had to 'skive' as much as I could and put up with the tellings off which only made it worse. It becomes a vicious circle in the end.
Looking forward to the top of the tree
Bev xx
life's bubbling back then - so glad. Sometimes it happens on its own, it seems. The key then is to always know what my sis used to say - the hour runs through the longest day - you know things do get better, so depend on that if you ever meet that black dog again. xxx
Glad you are on the up Hypercat and hang in there squirell. xx
Your sense of humour still shone through when you were down and fed up Bev you must just have redirected it. Heaven knows with this illness we would all be lost without a laugh-you've made a start in posting this. Onwards and upwards xx
Keep on the up hypercat, it feels so much nicer just to be able to enjoy your days, keep on keeping on.
Squirrel when you've hit rock bottom there is only one way to go, that is up ! So glad you found a glimmer of it in hypercat's blog. Feel better soon, when you are feeling up to it, check those meds with your doc about this episode you are having, I am sure there are alternatives that can help you better.
Hi Hypercat, so pleased you're feeling better. Depression is so debilitating. I always think it's like being in a plastic box, you can see out of but no one or nothing can touch you. it's horrible, while it lasts and it's so difficult at these times to remember that it's not forever - it will go!! It looks like you're on the up. That's great news! Take each 'minute' as it comes. lots and lots of best wishes to you xxx
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Please just let me express myself back to low mood
So now I'm hobbling! 
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