I feel exactly the same as you Melissa87. I lost my Mum 9 weeks ago today to COPD and although it would be really easy to close the book on that chapter of my life, I believe it's a really important part of the grieving process (for me anyway) to stay active in this community. Not just to impart my knowledge and experience as the daughter of a patient, who was there every step of the way with Mum during her journey with this disease, but to ensure I offer a virtual hand of friendship to anyone who feels isolated or alone because of it.
Lung disease is a particularly complex condition, and I believe is one of the hardest things to endure. Not just for the patient themselves, but for loved ones who have to witness the daily struggle to breath. It is the single hardest thing I have ever had to encounter in my life. If I never see another inhaler of salbutamol, fostair, spiriva, spacer, mask, nebuliser machine, oxygen concentrator, nasal cannula it would be too soon. Not to mention meds like carbocisteine, theophylline, prednisolone, co-amoxiclav, clarithromycin, azithromycin, the list goes on and on.
I could happily never talk about lung disease again, but I feel it's my duty to now honour Mum's memory by offering others hope and encouragement, and the strength to own this illness. To insist on a good quality of care, and to positively enforce the need to always speak up and get the treatment you deserve.
I have taken great consolation from knowing others have shared in my struggle. As awful as it is, and I wouldn't wish this hideous disease on anyone, there is comfort in knowing others understand EXACTLY what you are going through.
Sorry for the long winded response, but I wanted you to know everything you said resonated with me. You were obviously a wonderfully supportive daughter to your father in his time of need, and I recognise fully the effort it takes to watch someone you love suffer. I wish you peace and happiness moving forward and hope your father rests in eternal paradise..xx