Thank you

[i_am_iamnins_nin]

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind messages. I'm really struggling. Sitting here alone without my Az is so bloody painful. I managed to arrange his funeral today. I had to complete buying our new house, even though I can never live there without him, too many plans we made together. I want him so badly.

[Jolyn]

My heart goes out to you, it's a year on Sunday my dear Husband passed away and I know how painful it is for you. I hope you have your family and friends around you at this difficult time. Sending warm hugs your way. xxx

[newlands]

Yes of course you want him I really feel for you

Maybe you will feel different about the house in a few weeks ,you will get comfort from knowing you chose it together .Hope you have lots of people around you

I am thinking about you take care

Dorothy xxx

[i_am_iamnins_nin in reply to newlands]

Thanks Dorothy. I am alone, the silence is deafening. Me and Az seemed to chat all day. He was full of brilliant stories of his life.

[newlands in reply to i_am_iamnins_nin]

Yes we all loved him those meals he used to cook I wanted lemon merengue pie he would say he would send a bit then the poems

Must have been very sudden at the end

Don't you have any family near I know you moved to be nearer you email me when you need to talkxx

[Weeannie]

It's only natural to feel his loss so keenly it's only been a matter of a few days. You'll never stop missing him you'll just learn to adjust to a different normal. Sending luv n hugs xx

[i_am_iamnins_nin in reply to Weeannie]

Thanks weeannie

[etch45]

I agree with Weeannie, It's all too raw just now. You will always miss him, my husband died 5 years ago, but we do learn to adjust.

I hope you have family near you it helps.

Thinking of you take care. Sheila xx

[i_am_iamnins_nin in reply to etch45]

Az's son was with me this morning for a couple of hours. I don't really know anyone here. Me and Az kept each other company

[Hidden]

You are probably still in shock Nin and I can only imagine the pain and loss you are experiencing. I hope you can get through these awful first weeks and then maybe you will have a clearer idea of how you want to move forward with regard to the house and other decisions.

[i_am_iamnins_nin in reply to Hidden]

I think you're right, I just keep shaking badly and just can't stop crying

[cofdrop-UK]

My heart goes out to you sweetheart. Such a difficult time - it must be so hard for you to have to go through with the house. I feel Az will be guiding you through and I hope you have loved ones around you to give you the strength.

With love

cx

[casper99]

((((Hugs.))))

[Hidden]

my heart goes out to you xxxxxxx

[medow]

(((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

[Hidden]

Oh Nin I do feel for you so much. Just take it hour by hour and the hours will stretch into days and it will get easier I promise you. Az had a wonderful time with you and you made his last days happy and joyous. R.I.P. dear Az. Lots of Nin shaped cuddly warm hugs.

xxx

[hufferpuffer]

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the star shine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Hello Anna, I feel your pain and am giving you a long virtual hug. I wish I could find words to comfort you but words are not enough I know. Praying you find strength and comfort from your cherished memories together, love huff xxx

[Hidden in reply to hufferpuffer]

That's lovely huff. xx

[Hidden]

We haven't "spoken" before but I just felt I had to let you know how sorry I am to hear your very sad news. I would love to be able to take away your tears but perhaps the fact that so many people here are supporting you through their kind thoughts and prayers will help you through the days ahead. Please be kind to yourself and take lots of care.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jan xx

[Hidden]

Gentle hugs to you,it is all so new,& you're probably still in shock.

One day at a time,& please don't make any quick decisions re.your house.

Be kind to yourself,one baby step after another. xxxx

[bikergrove]

wish i could take away your terrible pain of loss, but it is all part of the process of losing someone you love,I lost my husband when he was 32 and my son when he was 36 so my heart goes out to you as i do have an understanding of your pain and loss.Strength will come to you and give you courage to go on, it just takes time.Sending you love,hugs and sympathy, here if you need to talk. xx

[ostiad]

Dear nin, I am so so sorry for your loss; I don't know you as such, but, greive for you. Please take care of yourself and I hope that you can take strength from the lovely messages of support from your friends. Thinking about you. June xx

[bulpit]

Heart breaking time for you, no words help, you will get thru this awful time. The love you both shared will be of comfort in the coming months, as everyone says, one step at a time.So many on this site know exactly how you are feeling. Heartfelt sympathies to you, Bulpt.

[Dedalus]

I wish I knew of words to say to comfort you, but there aren't any - your loss is unimaginable at this time; it will never go away, but the pain will get better eventually. You need to grieve, as you are doing. Just keep remembering the good times to help you through these bad times. Try to keep well and take care of yourself, which is what Az would have wanted. Pauline xx

[Suz01]

Just read your posts Anna. How absolutely devastating. I am so very sorry for your loss. I didn't know Az but it sounds like he was one of those very special people. Im happy you found each other but how sad that he had to leave so soon. My deepest sympathies to you and your families and all those who loved him Suz xx

[Hidden]

Just to say how very sorry i am to hear of your loss. I can't add anything that has'nt been said, but hope you get a little comfort in knowing people really do care.

Love Sheila Xx

[TEDTHEBEAR]

Take it one day at a time sweetheart. You will have your ups and downs and feel a wide range of emotions. Take strength from your boys and grandson. Always here for you.

xxxxx

[Dragonmum]

Give yourself time my dear, grief is the price we pay for loving - it's a high price but so worth it, knowing that we've had something that many others never experience. My lovely husband departed this life in 2002 after nearly 50 years - I still chat to him when things get on top of me. Think carefully re the new house - it was what you both planned - but at this moment just take time to grieve.

[Jolyn in reply to Dragonmum]

Lovely words Dragonmum and so very true. x

[rubyred777]

Hi Nin

words cannot express how deeply I sympathize with you.I can only say you two had something very special. Something most people only dream of.

A once in a lifetime love. You can cherish

that special bond you had with him. He

Is there with you. Feel his presence with you. Think carefully about getting rid of the house. If the situation were reversed

wouldn't you want him to keep it. I , myself would copy that poem from Huff,

And hang it up. Its wonderful and soothing.

HUGS TO YOU NIN

Rubyxx

[katieoxo60]

Sorry to hear Az has passed away, you will be hurting for some time to come, my heart goes out to you. I understand all those things you are expressing, they are part of the loss process. Crying can be a good healer as can talking to friends. treasure the good memories at the times when you naturally feel low. Well done for coping with the funeral arrangements. It is hard to bare in the early days, and the future is not always a thing to look forward to, but with time things will get a little easier, take it one day at a time and ask for help if you need it. It is hard to think clearly when you are suddenly bereaved. will be thinking of you at this sad time xx