Daily Laughter Tuesday

Daily Laughter Tuesday

Today I am away back up to the hospital for my 3rd transfusion of antibodies

The strange thing about it since 1987 I have always has psoriasis now my whole body is clear of the dreaded skin problems. Hope it works as good on the rest of the body.

Have a great Day Berwick xxx



To those of us who have children in our lives,

whether they are our own,




or students...

here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,

you can take comfort from the thought that

even God's omnipotence did not extend

to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,

God created Adam and Eve..

And the first thing he said was

'DON'T! '

'Don't what ?'

Adam replied.

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'

God said.

'Forbidden fruit?

We have forbidden fruit?

Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! '

' No Way! '

'Yes way! '

'Do NOT eat the fruit! '

said God.

'Why? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '

God replied,

wondering why He hadn't stopped

creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later,

God saw His children having an apple break

and He was ticked !

'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? '

God asked.

'Uh huh,'

Adam replied.

'Then why did you? '

said the Father.

'I don't know,'

said Eve.

'She started it! '

Adam said.

'Did not ! '

'Did too! '


Having had it with the two of them,

God's punishment was that Adam and Eve

should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,

don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,

what makes you think it would be

a piece of cake for you ?


1. You spend the first two years of their life

teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend

the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward

for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why

some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.

In fact, they usually repeat word for word

what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties

is to remind yourself that there are children

more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes,

but they are still getting in.


Be nice to your kids.

They will choose your nursing home one day!








When You're First,

You Don't Know Any Better

If the chicken came before the egg,

the first hen to lay one must have vowed

never again to lift her leg,

cuz when she did, her insides fell out.

But if the egg came before the chicken,

the chicken inside must've, under his breath,

sworn if he kept up his fussin' and kickin',

he'd scramble himself to death.

I think that I've got it all figured out...

what animal talk is all about.

"Moo" means excuse me, that's my

milk you're takin'.

"Oink" means quit lookin' at me

like I'm bacon.

"Nay" means no shoes, no shirt,

no ride.

"Baa" means, gee lately it's

colder outside.

"Arf" means my tail

is my very best feature.

"Meow" means I'm such

an exquisite creature.

"Quack" means this water

is turning quite icy.

"Hiss" means you look

so delicious and spicy.

"Roarrr" means I am

the king of the beasts.

"Honk" means I am

the queen of the geese.

"Grrrr" means I'll eat you

when you go for a walk.

Boy am I glad

I speak animal talk!

Barry and Hannah, an old married couple, are sitting on the couch watching TV. On the show they were speaking about how to prepare in case of death etc. “Honey,” says Barry, turning to his wife with a serious expression, “I want you to promise me, that if there ever comes a time that I am dependent on just machines and bottled fluid, that you will make sure to put an end to it.” “No problem hun,” said Hannah, and she promptly got up, turned off the TV, and poured his beer down the drain

A Centipede Won An Award

A centipede won an award

surrounded by hundreds of fans.

Though his speech only lasted a minute,

it took hours to shake all his hands!

Featured Poem

When Will I Stop Growing?

“When will I stop growing?”

A giant asked his mummy

“I've grown at a rate

Of one meter a day

Ever since I left your tummy”

"That's 7 meters every week

Or 365 a year

Times twelve because it's

My birthday soon

Which makes 4380 meters quite clear"

“I hope that I stop growing”

The giant he did sigh

As he pulled a bird

Out of his ear

And a plane out of his thigh

Dear Week, I’m so over you. I’m leaving you for your best friend, Weekend. Don’t try to find us for at least 2 days. Love (not really), Me

[Name] thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”

I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I shit on?”

Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday

[Name] is based on a true story. The characters and events in his life are real. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is pityful cause his life sucks

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.

Dear Monday: I want to break up. I am seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday. Sorry. It’s not me — it’s you.

Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.

Shonari I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.

I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don’t have as many people who believe it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and paid just enough money not to quit.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

This would be really funny if it weren’t happening to me

Some days you’re the dog , some days you’re the hydrant

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-gf and me. After all, I’m a Pisces and she’s a bitch.

I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here

[Name] is old enough to know better, but still young enough to try and get away with it anyway.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak


Way up north

Near the top of the world

There's a place where it's hard to stand

And you’ll see if you go

That the sky's far too low

In the curious country Squatland

Believe it or not

You must pop a squat

In order to waddle around this place

You'd find if you stood

It would do you no good

As most of your body would be out in space

So lock your knees

When you're all a'squat

To avoid a Squatlander’s worst fear

Of standing up straight

And realising too late

You’re floating outside of Earth’s atmosphere!

Well that is it my friends hope that you have a fantastic Tuesday.

Remember at around 1000 the Nurse will be playing a game with me.It's called

Which vien shall we use today and I will reply, the one you find with blood coming out of it.

Thats it for Tuesday my friends

Breathe Easy my friends

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10 Replies

  • Morning Berwick hope all goes well today, thanks for some good ones for a Tuesday morning.

    Lib xx

  • My pleasure Libby. Have a great Tuesday Berwick xxx

  • Best of luck at the Heath today...I see you have transport, so no problems with parking.

    You were up early posting today again!

  • Hullo, Berwick - I was interested to hear that you had psoriasis in addition to everything else. For years, I had it and creamed twice a day. PUVA, a trip to Israel (what offence had I committed for that but had a day off to see Jerusalem.) However, one day, it decided to go away. But the scalp stays - nothing helps that. Thanks again for my daily chortle.

  • Annieseed I know what you are going through, Try Polytar shampoo it takes a while but it will work believe me. I have been on a drug called methatrexate for psoriasis for years the only down fall it knackers up your immune system. I spoke to the nurse today about how the skin is clear and she has told me that is the new antibodies, psoriasis has it's own immunine system and the new antibodies have helped to clear it. If you are still getting infections on a regulare basis ask your dr to let you see the immunologist. Because my blood no longer makes antibodies it a trip to hospital every 3 weeks for life. A small token to pay for getting thing working again. PS the down side is that I wont see any difference in my lung for 6 - 12 months. I can hack that one. But please, please try the poly tar. Berwick xxxxxx [please let me know if it helps.

  • I will try polytar shampoo. I used it years ago but didn't give it much of a chance. Loads of different shampoos JUST stick to one.

  • Good luck to you berwick and loved the children funnies most of all. Soooo true! Take care. xxxxxx

  • good afternoon Berwick, I was late getting on-line today and have been enjoying your funnies with my lunch. I hope you had a gentle nurse and your treatment went well xx.

  • Hi Letys, went great 3 hours this time slept for 2 hours and 3 bottles later. Was chilled out. Because one of the side effects is I will sleep alot over the next 3/4 days, they decieded to push it through quicker hence the wee nodd cannot be bad. Next no. 4 10 September. Nurse Emily was marvoulese as usual Berwick xxxxxxxx

  • Hope all went well,at the hospital for you.Thanks for the funnies! xxx

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