When I joined this site a couple of years ago, it was with the intention of answering certain posts where I thought I would be helpful, and with no intention to ever post a message. After having surgery 22 years ago and becoming quite adroit at warfarin use I try to live a normal life with weight training a big part of it. Still do!
The reason for my post is to ask fellow heart patients if their emotions have changed post surgery and getting older. I seem to be, what I would describe as over emotional! I have a wonderful (no exaggeration) wife of 54 years marriage and a loyal and loving family. I seem to cry with little to trigger it. Being an avid fan, music is a big issue, whether it be sadness of the song or exhilaration! Watching certain films makes me tearful or certain passages in books. I consider myself to be quite "macho" but do (I hope) have a caring side to help others. Does anyone have any thoughts please?
Written by
Mitchum
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I've been very emotional since my heart started messing about in 2018 with a more major event this year . I can only describe how I feel as just sad ! I also find music I loved hard to listen to now ,it transports us back to different times when things were easier ,we were younger & had full health & less responsibility, that's my take on it anyway ! I hope you can enjoy today with your loved ones xx
Hi Helly.. You sound like a coper. If we have that type of personality, I know from experience that things can pile up inside us until the gasket starts to pop open. But that is good because it releases the stress that otherwise might do harm. So, let it go. Do you have a friend who could be your shoulder? Here’s another thought. I have recently been on the Doxyciline antibiotic and it has a side effect that causes emotional issues so Check the side effects of your medication. I wish you, and everyone else, a very happy New Year.
Thank you, the friends thing has been quite difficult actually, they just don't get it, i find only other people who have had heart issues can fully understand what I've been going through so it's led to me telling people in my life less & less over time . My thyroid is at play now so that's causing a lot of emotional distress. Happy new year to you !
I think that low testosterone can correlate with emotional lability/ tearfulness in men. This is often experienced by men on a course of ADT for Ca prostate. We change as we age.
Hi Mitchum, I have only recently had heart surgery and am still in recovery. I thought I had prepared myself as best I could, trying to keep fit, lose weight etc so have found it quite a shock how although my body is healing slowly🤞 my emotions are just a big hot mess. I have an amazing husband and supportive family and some fantastic friends, all of whom are rallying round me but I am still struggling. Yet from what I hear, it is the emotional fallout that can have the biggest effect following surgery. I don't think it has anything to do with gender.
Be proud of you are and hats off to you for opening up. I don't have any answers, I wish I did but just wanted to say you are not alone ☺️
I seem to be identifying with people on this thread far more than usual. I recovered incredibly well after my aorta and valve were both replaced in October 2023 to the extent that my cardiologist’s jaw dropped when I walked into his consulting room with no aids or help only five weeks after surgery. However, about six months later I suddenly developed major anxieties after contracting Norovirus and felt absolutely certain I was suffering from PTSD. I had numerous other, non heart related but potentially serious things this year and have overthought, them all. So, I feel sure that major heart disease does have odd out of character effects. Take care.
My dad only had to hear a military band and he was in tears he was like it pre and post heart attack .
I think life and definitely as we age we aren't frightened to should our emotions more . Men especially should say the men in my family always thought they where the strong ones but they where and are like mush inside . Even in this day and age men are portrayed as the protectors and even the stiff upper lip is still there . It's like the silver backed gorilla attitude.
But it's women who have always been stronger we have to be . I know how hard my husband found it to try and hold his emotions in when he was diagnosed with grade 4 malignant melanoma and given 5 years to live . Our children have never known how every night for months I held my husband while he cried himself to sleep . Then I could cry. My husband lived 3 years . But after the cancer was removed only the 4 of us knew he wouldn't live . As in his words he didn't want to be treated like a dead man walking . Once he was terminal anyone who treated him differently he cut out of our lives . He couldn't stand their pity . He said he was the man and he had to be strong and didn't want pity. Only I knew what he really went through. And even when he was dieing and couldn't breath on full oxygen he still thought he had to be brave . But I had to tell him we would be ok and to stop struggling. He died a few minutes later.
Men do not have to be strong if you want to cry ,shout at the unfairness you feel over any health problems or any problem or punch a pillow do it . Your loved ones know how you are really feeling and would rather you show it than hold it in . It's not a sign of weakness but being human .
What a wonderful post to read Murderfan. Honest and brave, and it's done me the world of good.. You've said it for your dear husband and you've said it how it is. I well remember when my mother was in hospital, there was a Salvation Army brass band playing in the hospital grounds - she just wept with emotional joy. There are better things outside each of our control. I can cry at the thought of dying from illness and being away from my family. The thought of saying goodbye can bring me to tears. Today or tomorrow I need to speak to my family of certain fears I have about likely hospitalisation. I've a number of appointments in January. I'm so glad and thankful of your reply. Men that can show emotion and cry are indeed real men. Good bless you and your family. I'd have loved to have met your husband. 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much for what you wrote. My husband was a joker but he was a wise man . We had been together since I was 16 he was 18. He knew what I needed to live without and that was a series of promises I made him . The main one was to live the best life you can. And since I moved here I do everyday. All because of him.
Before my move I had both parents and mother in law to look after until they died . I didn't live I existed. Our home became a house after he died . He was my home .
I the irony of it all is I was born disabled he was the fit healthy one . But cancer can get anyone . It's just life .
But because of him I live my life for him as well and give my grandsons the love he would have given them.
I hope all goes well with your appointments. And you can face anything life throws at you . You sound a strong man what I call a man's man who isn't afraid of his emotions. So cry if you want and share your fears you will find others feel the same way you do . And they will be relieved they aren't on their own . 🤗
"But because of him I live my life for him as well and give my grandsons the love he would have given them."Well said and well lived. I do hope you can enjoy the present festivities and have family time to enjoy for many years ahead.
I know I ramble on. But hope I can help . I read other people's posts and they are so heart felt they sent me off as well. 😢
But that's the good thing about here people understand how you feel and have experienced things you have or give you the benefit of their experience so things we face aren't so scary . 🤗
And it shows you're nit alone with your emotions. I have heart failure and definutefeel more emotional since diagnosis. It's just normal I'm guessing so never feel you can't cry it'll probably ly do you more good tgN holding back xx
Hi Mitchum, I was diagnosed with coronary artery disease at the beginning of 2017 and had a stent fitted not long after being diagnosed with osteoporosis and shortly after becoming an empty nester.
This changed my outlook on life completely and I, almost, became a different person. I felt a strong need to do things I hadn’t done before just to have that experience before I couldn’t.
I was 57 then. Since turning 60, 4 years ago, I have found myself becoming very emotional in a way I have rarely been before. I know I am female and have cried at films or situations before all of this but now I can end up sobbing at a film or crying when I’m speaking about something important to me.
I also now have to be careful listening to certain types of music that changes my mood massively for the better or worse. I will stop the music if it is too sad or depressing and I use it to increase my mood and my energy levels. I have music on all the time.
I also seem to get very emotional about my family especially around Christmas time to the point I has started dreading Christmas time. My family are lovely and I’m married to a lovely man for the last 42 years so I’m in a good situation but there is a definite increase in how I feel things that hasn’t bothered me before.
I can remember often saying that I was the type of person that didn’t really cry and I was happy to be like that. Well, I am the complete opposite now and sometimes I do find it embarrassing.
I can remember my mum being like this when I was young and I used to hate it.
I don’t know if it is related to being diagnosed with something serious and life threatening, or being operated on as in you’re case, or just simply getting older and realising there are far more years and experiences behind me than ahead of me now.
I have found it interesting reading your post as I thought it was just me but now realise this might be more of a normal, ageing thing.
You know, I think you're probably right and maybe it is an aging thing, realising that what we are and have is "time limited". It may also mean that we have appreciated our lives more than we think.
Hi Killerblue - music can certainly pull at the heart strings. Two weeks ago I was volunteering in hospital, using a Bluetooth speaker to play musical requests for patients. One lady patient was talking about her need to have bereavement counselling. She was a real chatterbox, full of past London stories but she began to speak of the loss of her sister the previous year. For some reason I chose to play "Bring Him Home" from Les Mis, sung by Alfie Boe. The lady soon began sobbing uncontrollably but I was there with my colleague to talk with her about what had happened. That moment was meant to have have happened. Music can be a friend too. We need music. Its a universal language. Thanks for sharing your story. PS I often get wet eyes whist watching the Repair Shop on BBC 1 - such touching moments when people are reunited with repaired treasured possessions, like a worn and one-eyed teddy bear! ❤️
I think we all worry sometimes about being 'too emotional' but I see it as a 'release valve' for all of the sadness over the years we have all experienced in our lives, whether it be from losing loved ones, how we see ourselves and others around us and incidents/health issues we have gone through and still are. If I am feeling low I stick on my headphones, press my 'recline' button on my sofa and listen to my music - sometimes it brings a smile to my face, other times I feel sad, but music is my 'go to place' during AF episodes/Tachycardia episodes and it transports me away on a journey that brings me peace and tranquillity during that time. It doesn't stop them but it's part of my coping mechanism. Cry when you have to, laugh as much as you can and enjoy life. I retired at 66 last year and I am living my best life now. No more getting up for work, spending more time with my Grandchildren and not making any plans, just deciding when I get up what I want to do that day. Take care everyone and have a great New Year.
I went 50 years without ever crying. Then a stroke. The tears flowed. Then the wonderful open heart surgery and the tears returned. I have no clue why the emotions have changed, but I just go with the flow. Pun intended.
I am sure that hearing is the link for me. The slightest echo, such as a microphone, would set me off. Once I grasped this then I coped better.
But above all, don’t worry about it. By all means hide away for the cry, but just accept and things will ease.
Thank you everyone for your kind posts. The thing is, I am not sad, not unhappy (opposite actually), not worried and not frightened of my own mortality. I have always been affected by books, films and in particular music. I've always been musical and "understood" the emotions it can conjure up but my wife, although she loves music never had the same reaction until twenty years ago when we went to a Brian Wilson concert and she cried, for no other reason than exhiliration. We both cried again driving home when she spoke about how she "now understands how you feel"! This is just an example but it is the way I feel. I don't have any obvious reasons why I feel this way but it just seems to be, for want of a better word, worse, or should that be better?
Maybe I'm thinking of my own mortality but it is not a conscious feeling. Can I thank everyone again and wish you all a happy new year. Thank you!
Like you, I never intended to post on this site, only to offer encouragement to others facing aortic valve replacement and/or gaining a pacemaker (which I never thought I would need). Unlike you I married a little later in life, having had my valve replaced around a year before I first met my wife. I don't think that the heart surgery has affected my emotions - even pre-op I only had one quick thought when I was visiting a dear friend that I wondered if this was the last time I would be there, but that lasted less than 10 seconds. To be fair, valve replacement had been something that might be necessary in the future from when I was a teenager so I had plenty of time to prepare. As we grow older, naturally the memories that can trigger emotions build up, for me it is lovely to look back at all these memories and realise how blessed I am, though part of me would like to go back to those places, especially now that the world has been turned upside down by the events of the last four years. However, I live secure in the knowledge that I have a purpose and a God who has promised that all things work together for good for those who love Him.
Greetings Mitchum. I have experienced the same emotional shift. For me there seems to be a direct connection. Cardio version, ablations, pacemaker going in. I had a bout of pericarditis that required draining. They all seem to leave me a touch more sensitive and emotional. Don't understand why exactly but thanks for pointing it out. For me it relieves some of the pressure. All the best in 2025. Smile, breathe and go slow. Enjoy.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Heart bypass surgery
Thoracic aortic aneurysm.
Early days !!
My consultant withheld information about my heart from me. I've just found out information I didn't know from my Surgeon after my Surgery.
Cionsistent extreme high Blood Pressure.
