My husband died on September 29th while on a cycling tour in France, a tour he had been on 2 years ago to the date when he had a sudden cardiac arrest and was treated in a French hospital. The conclusion was that he had had a heart attack and he had one stent fitted in France and a further three fitted in the Uk when he was admitted to hospital 3 weeks after his return from France with a further cardiac episode. His body is currently at the coroners but I am pretty sure that he died of a further cardiac arrest which did not happen in public but in his hotel room - he was found dead in the morning. My big problem which is complicating my grief is that he should have had an ICD fitted but not only did the NHS lose his notes from France but were not interested in me giving them a copy of these notes when he was treated in the UK on his return. Instead, he was given the standard package for a heart attack despite considerable ambiguity about whether he had actually had a heart attack - there was for instance, no damage at all to his heart and although he did have a degree of coronary artery disease it was not substantial. I feel as if we have both been badly let down by the coronary care he received and I am now a widow, having lost my vibrant, super fit husband at only 64. How do I move on from this?
My husband: My husband died on... - British Heart Fou...
My husband
I'm so sorry, it must make it so much more difficult to worry that if things had been handled differently you still might have your loved one by your side. For me, it's scary, that someone so fit and having a good lifestyle still had heart problems. I get told all the time, try harder. No matter what I do, low cholesterol, still get blockages.
Wish there was more I can say, take one day at a time. Cherish the memories. Take care. Moni
my sincere sorrow is with you.
Time is a great healer.
Try to remember all the good things that happened to your husband and try not to think too much about what ifs.
Best wishes
Sooty
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. As others have said, remember all the happy times you had together. Love and best wishes.
So sorry to hear about your loss and tragedy. Commiserations.
It is stories like these that confirm that our 'beloved' NHS is 2nd tier at best. It is failing people like you I am afraid. It is all well and good having world class and pioneering research in healthcare but if the ordinary people cant get a decent healthcare when they need it - it is pretty sad. Prevention and Health outcomes, 2 key metrics on which the NHS doesnt perform as it should. NHS needs to get its act together and fast. Many people deserve better.
NHS is failing the majority of people. unless you pursue the doctor all the time you get nothing resolved. My friend's husband was left with an injury that the NHS caused him following a prostate operation. He was told by the senior consultant very clearly that if he would have well over 9 months to get the surgery for the repair caused by the NHS surgeon, even though the injury is a life-threatening condition he MUST GO PRIVATE. NO ALTERNATIVE. The NHS SHOULD OUTSOURCE TO PRIVATE HOSPITALS. IF THE DOCTORS IN NHS cannot cope with treating the most vulnerable sick with urgent life-threatening conditions and cost the taxpayer some 11.3% of the GDP it is failing its purpose.
I am so sorry to hear that this has happened. Sadly there is so many stories, now, of people being let down so badly by services. You must feel so angry as well as saddened. Like others have said please remember all of the good times you and your husband shared and talk to good friends or family about how you are feeling. You may be able to get help from a counsellor via your GP if you feel the need to speak to a professional. Take care and my thoughts are with you.
So sorry to hear this. I expect you are in shock at the moment. I hope you have supportive friends and family to help you through this difficult time. There is also bereavement counselling and bereavement cafes.
I'm so very sorry about your husbands loss.I lost my amazing hubby in June.I just can imagine the grief is made worse by what has happened.Im struggling myself.If you want to pm me I would be very happy to chat .Hugs for you.
Oh Penny, I am so sorry to hear this.
I almost lost my husband 2 and half years ago with a sudden cardiac arrest, which he luckily had in A&E. I was told had he not been in the hospital they probably would not have saved him. He also had a stent fitted eventually, but was then lost in the system as he was blue lighted between hospitals. He had not seen a cardiologist since he was released from hospital until this year, only after we used our BUPA policy to get him checked out first and now due to a low ejection fraction the cardiologist we saw has managed to get him back in the NHS system.
It must be so difficult to be feeling let down by the system as well as dealing with your grief.
I know as a family, we struggled with the shock on the cardiac arrest, as my husband was 56 when it happened and fit and well.
The only consolation you can take is that he was away doing something he loved and is unlikely to have known anything about it. Try and think of the good times and it will get easier with time. Look after yourself xx
Thinking about the good times would do nothing for me whatsoever; I'd want to get to the bottom of the matter and would explore the various complaint options that exist where the NHS is concerned. Personally, I'd start by asking Citizens Advice how and where to begin.
I would be the same as BTC1997 and need to at least try and find some answers. It is though so hard to take on the NHS, however although you can’t bring your husband back, for your own piece of mind it might help to investigate further. You will need to know when to stop and say enough is enough though and that’s where a grief counsellor or a solicitor may help you. If you do want to go down the legal route - check whether you have legal cover on any of your household bills because they will sometimes take this kind of work on. Your distress at the moment must be beyond imagination but I hope that you have people around you that will help you get through this
Thanks to everyone for your support and advice. I don't know whether I want to pursue this more formally because in my experience and despite their claims, medics close ranks and I know that they would say that they checked him for arrhythmias when he was discharged (which they did - they did a 48 hour ecg including when he was cycling) but in my view his VF was triggered by intensive long duration exercise as on this French tour - cycling 75 miles a day through difficult terrain. The point is that if that someone had bothered to look carefully at his notes from France and talked to him about his life style, they would surely have realised that having had one SCA he was at risk - any basic internet search shows that. Any pushing I do won't bring him back. I am not interested in compensation. The NHS is broken not only because of funding but because of an elite and powerful medical autocracy that doesn't listen and doesn't learn.
you feelings in this situation are understandable, and I think you are already clear that you feel pursuing the issue will not resolve things for you - from my own experience I feel you are right- however that dies not mean that you should not let them know how you feel
you could write to the cardiology team, outlining what your husband went through and where you feel he was let down - this could help them learn from mistakes - point out that you don't intend to pursue this formally (it could be unbearable for you as well as a waste of resources), but that you don't want this to happen to others
you should also send copies to PALS (the hospital patient advice and liaison service, the health authority HQ and the coroner
meanwhile others have suggested resources which might help with moving on
as the wife of another lifelong cyclist my thoughts are with you, I can only imagine the hole this lovely man left in your life.
I am really sorry to hear about your husband's loss, and the circumstances surrounding it. You may be aware of the five stages of grief through bereavement which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance, and you might find these apply in some way to yourself as you come to terms with your new situation. And as part of that I think you are wise to not consider pursuing a claim against the NHS given what you have said, certainly at this time, since it will only undermine your emotional stability concerning your loss. I wish you well.
I am so sorry.
So sorry to hear that.
Hello Penny, I am sorry to hear about your husband.
I think you are right not to try and pursue the NHS, at the very least they will hide behind the fact that he was in France when he died and therefore not their responsibility. The NHS is a meritocracy unto its own. I have a few examples of people being abroad and receiving good treatment, notes and letters to bring home, only for them to be ignored by our NHS.
Like many have already said here, the NHS is broken, I hope you can try to not hold on to too much resentment and can get on and get over your grief. Best wishes, Steve
Thanks Wooodsie - it's difficult to pin down what i feel because I have never had any faith in medics, particularly the elites so what has happened is not a surprise or a shock but it complicates my grief because, quite simply, he should still be here. This makes it very difficult for me to process his loss as you might do if it was more inevitable. So I am trying to white knuckle my way through each day and hold on to the fact that he died doing something he loved and that he probably didn't know much about his death. I think it's our natural inclination to think that when something like this happens, we can resolve our pain somehow but it isn't resolvable. I've lost him and with him, my life and hopes. I might recover, I might not. Who knows?
Thanks Penny, I absolutely understand what you are going through. I imagine they will be doing an autopsy in France? That may provide some answers, let's hope.
Life for you isn't over Penny, you are still very young. Your grief will subside in time, that's human nature, so don't feel guilty. Ask yourself what would you want if you had died and he was in your position.
so sorry, Penny. May you find peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.There are so many layers to your grief that I think you can only take 1 day at a time right now, before you can make any decisions.
Only you can decide if you want to tackle the NHS at any point, it could be very painful to do, and as you so rightly say it won't bring him back.
Like you, I don't have much faith in medics, and even less when I have to explain what they should do, and they google it in front if me before agreeing.
You mention that he died doing something
he loved, and probably knew little about it. I think you are right, and time will tell you if that is a comfort for you.
I hope there is someone in your life to whom you can express your thoughts and feelings without needing to listen to well meaning but misguided advice. "If I were you I would..." is one of the most frustrating things to hear, and always want to answer "If you were me you would be doing exactly what I am doing now."
All you can do is the best that you can, and the right way is your way.
I think all of us here are sending our heartfelt sympathy and whatever support we can. I'll be thinking of you.
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you.
so sorry for your loss. You must miss him terribly! Senging you hugs and try to keep strong xx
Dear Penny,I am so sorry for your loss, having lost both my parents, I know there's nothing that can take away the pain of losing those you love so dearly.Having unanswered questions and all the 'what ifs' adds more layers to the grief. What happened with the health system was wrong and unfair and you have every right to feel whatever you feel. There's no excuses for being let down by a system meant to help us. I went through a similar situation with my parents.
It's important to acknowledge that things could've been handled better. Nevertheless, it's important to look after yourself at this time, and to consider whether pursuing things further is beneficial for you or not. You need to do whatever is best for the sake of your own health and wellbeing. If it's going to cause more stress and have no beneficial outcome then it may not be worth pursuing things, but if there's certain questions you want answered, maybe you want to try asking. Regardless of whether you do or not, this situation is unfair and nothing will make it right.
I hope that you have a good support system of family and friends around you. Attending a grief support group down the track can be helpful too. I'm not a group sort of person, but it did help me a bit to talk to others in similar situations.
Life is never the same when we lose someone. I hope and pray that your memories bring you as much comfort as they can and that photos will one day make you smile to remember cherished times. Your dear husband will always be part of you and he will never leave your heart.Sending you lots of love ❤️ and hugs 🫂
So sorry for your loss I've just myself just passed my 2 year anniversary of HA , 8th October. I'm currently sat outside a cafe in menorca on my holidays and it really touched me reading your post . It makes me so angry on how much Britain has broken .
I will raise a glass to your husband tonight.....RIP
My sincere condolences. I too had heart problems in France, and the hospital "lost" the scans taken immediately after a cardiac arrest, so I think that national health services (or private ones, for that matter), are not perfect.
Lifestyle has much less to do with heart problems than genetics. Like you husband I was a super-fit cyclist when I started having problems.
I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m sure words seem very inadequate at the moment, but I hope you can take comfort in the thoughts and care poured out here; and I’m sure from your family and friendship circles too.
However alone you may feel, you are not. I hope that each day the glimmer of hope grows stronger.
sending you huge hugs!
I am so sorry to read your story! I hope that you get the guidence and help that you need.
So sorry for the loss of your husband, prayers for you and your family.
so sorry for your loss . Thoughts are with you x
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