wife in desperate need of help husband had heart attack

[Pebbles111]

please help me my husband heart attack has completely destroyed me I am struggling I am so scared , I can’t stop myself from I think being over protective so we have a son with autism who is 9 so you can imagine the difficulty there trying to stop him bothering his dad or jumping on him etc but also I am so scared I won’t let him eat anything drink do anything it’s been 2 weeks since heart attack , 1 since 3 stents ! But he is getting fed up and angry not doing anything and watching me run myself into ground I have been to drs twice and have pulled all muscles in back and chest because I am not getting a chance to stop ! But he keeps going to get Hoover or trying to do things and I am getting so angry because he has been told rest I am so scared I don’t know what else to do he wants chocolate etc and I am so scared I said once a week I don’t know if I am over protective or saving his life the dr told him 90-10 with healthy foods and non healthy but what even is that I feel like I am being cruel but o can’t loose him and his son would be lost without him he was someone who likes to snack all the time he is not obese but over weight so he needs to shift weight ! How do I find a happy medium that does not jeopardise his life but gives him back some enjoyment thanks all x

[Chinkoflight]

I would imagine exercise and moving is a vital part of recovery. This is something you could do together as a family, but you must make time for it. Or you may give your hubby space to do something on his own.Walking is a good place to start.

NHS Active 10 Walking Tracker

Is a structured app based programme.

If you are anxious about hubby going off on his own, ( you would not be alone or the first) Strava and other phone based exercise trackers allow you to set up a shared tracker so you can see where they are. To be honest in the first weeks of my recovery it was liberating to get out but know if I did have a problem my wife would have seen it.

Smartwatches, not expensive ones, are able to send off emergency alerts if you fall etc.

I think you should let your husband do stuff around the house but maybe agree what chores you will share. He will find his limits!

Good luck.

PS exercise is very good for managing anxiety too!

[Pebbles111 in reply to Chinkoflight]

Thanks we did start a walk round the block today he was told 5 Min a day min which is what we did he is very anti anything I did a smart watch he has agreed but reluctantly but it’s a start I guess

[worriedson51]

as a complete newbie who is only here for advice regarding my mams heart disease , youre doing great , but your husband has to do his part, regarding chocolate etc, id say let him eat what he wants as long as he balances it with exercise . 90-10 good bad is fine, but personally someone being happy is more about a combination of body & mind , eat crap food but exercise to try and couteract it , we cant all eat well , we all like junk food , hes had a fright, give him the facts, encourage and help him, also if you want to look after him you must first look after yourself , just my opinion , good luck to you all

[devonian186]

I assume your husband is around the same age as you so there is no reason he shouldn't make a very good recovery. However he can't carry on as he did before and I get the impression that although not obese he is well above his proper weight. Have you actually checked what his BMI is and also waist size is very important. His trouser waist size is likely to be very different to real waist size!

Minimum 5 mins walking at this stage seems quite limited but its only a week since his procedure so probably early days to think of much more. Your GP or cardiologist should be able to advise when he can start to extend walking time but he should be careful about not overdoing it and cautious about doing things round the house.

Did you get given notes from the hospital as to what sort of food and fitness regime you should follow?

When permitted, walking as a family to a nearby park or somewhere else that is a destination might improve boredom and stress. Your doctor should advise but your husband should be able to go off by himself for ten minutes walk a few times a day, when that becomes permitted, whilst carrying his mobile phone.

Do check the notes you will have been given.

[Larneybuds]

Hi.... hopefully your husband will be offered cardiac rehab, which I think most people on here would recommend attending. I am sure he has been told to rest as we all are after a heart event, but doing nothing isn't doing him any good. Though not medically trained I would say he needs to be active with some rest during each day. Even after open heart surgery I was told I could do light housework...no hoovering or lifting...pushing or pulling. Walking is the best exercise done regularly and building the time up each day. If you are worried about him over extending himself, does he have a cardiac nurse you can speak to with any concerns about what he can and can't do. If not , BHF nurses are available to talk to and I am sure they would be able to give advice. You are bound to be worried about your husband but don't be wearing yourself out. Don't forget your own well being in the process. A lot of his recovery is down to him with you being there for some support and reassurance. He has to take some responsibility for his own welfare....diet and exercise. Obviously you will want to be doing things and making sure he is ok but his recovery will also about what he can do for himself too. Sitting about all day with you doing everything is not going to do him much good physically or mentally and it sounds as though he would like to be doing things to help. Perhaps if you found out more about what he should and shouldn't be doing....diet and exercise....it might make you feel less anxious. I am sure you will get lots of advice from people on the forum who have gone through the same as your your husband and who might also be able to advise on some of the do's and don'ts. I really feel for you, especially with having your son to look after too but again is there any way you can get your husband and son to perhaps do things together. I am sure you will get to feel more confident about the situation with time but I would recommend you also resting and having a bit of time out yourself. I hope you find a happy medium and that things get easier for you. Take care x

[Skeets]

Hi ,

It is frightening and stressful for partners. And you have the additional worry of a child who needs extra care and whose vision of the world is very different. My husband would still have me wrapped in cotton wool and another layer of bubble wrap too, something very new in our relationship.

Encourage him to attend the cardiac rehab program and if you have their details you could try calling for advice too.

Would talking about you and your child needing him , and telling him how worried you are about loosing him if he does not take care of himself help ? Sometimes planting that emotional seed helps .

Ask your child’s school or school health team for support , We never know how a child with ASD processes such events, the need reassuring and facts . They usually have access to well being support. Or if you have a local disabilities charity that does activity session look at getting some ‘ short breaks’ funding .

Take care of yourself too x share your worries , don’t internalise them and make yourself unwell

[Bingo88]

Good morning Pebbles 111. You have been given some very good advice by everyone and it can be overwhelming. Have you sat down with your Husband and told him how worried and upset you are about his heart problems and you are worried about him getting worse if he doesn't alter his lifestyle. Perhaps that might shock him into action. Please try and get some help and rest time for yourself. Take care and keep in touch with us all. Brian

[Aspielady]

Hi I'm exactly the same with my husband and we have an autistic daughter she's 19 but massively anxious over it. I found going to appts and speaking honestly with the Dr helped. And the cardio rehab as it let him push himself safely. I stayed awake watching him, refused to let him do anything. I do cook everything low fat so he can have a treat now and then. My daughter will actually say to him you'll die if you eat that :/ it's been nearly a year now and I'm calmer but i guess the worry is always there. But the cardiologist said life is for living and we're slowly doing more things. It's hard. Can you be brutally honest with him and the Dr's? Sending love and strength xx

[TubbsTattysyrup]

I had a heart attack and a stent in January, I’m 47, and considered myself fit and healthy. Not overweight and had normal cholesterol etc so my HA was a bit of a mystery to the GP. However the cardiac consultant told me that the worst thing you can do after a heart attack is to wrap yourself in cotton wool (his exact words!), he said give it ten days or so of gentle walking etc then get back out there with my running, which I did. I have been running 5-6 times a week ever since, and feel great. The shock of the heart attack was sufficient to keep my eating on track - I was eating decent healthy food before my HA but now I’m extra careful with saturated fats, sugar and salt. I do allow myself the occasional takeaway and bar of chocolate but in moderation.

Your husband should get offered cardiac rehab, my consultant told me not to bother and I dont feel I missed out, I did take a look at online rehab but it was all rather sedate. He will be fine, it’s just a massive shock to process!

[Suebedoo]

Hi - this sounds overwhelming for you. I suggest that you find somewhere that you can speak freely about your anxiety such as counselling or family members. Your husband is an adult and is more than capable of taking responsibility for himself hence the anger he is showing. Ask him what he needs from you and help him in that way but meanwhile lean on outside people. I have been in a similar position and get the anxiety you must be feeling.

[Chappychap]

The hospital that treated your husband should offer him a place on a Cardio Rehab course (remember, it's the hospital that does this, not your GP).

I found Cardio Rehab absolutely pivotal in my recovery. It really spelt out that there's good news and there's bad news. The bad news first.

Heart disease/atheroschlorosis is incurable and progressive. In other words nothing (not stents, not bypass surgery, not even a heart transplant) will fix it; and left to its own devices it'll just keep getting worse.

The good news is that we have two effective weapons in our armoury; medication and life style changes. Your husband needs to double down on both of these. He needs to be meticulous about taking his meds, and he needs to get serious about life style changes. If he smokes then stop, if he's overweight then fix it, if he's sedentary then start exercising properly, if he snacks on processed foods and eats take aways then switch to a healthy Mediterranean diet.

Do all of this and with a bit of luck your husband can reduce his risk of further heart attacks and strokes down to almost that of the general population. That's a fantastic prize that's surely worth some effort and sacrifice. But if he sticks his head in the sand the hard truth is that the prognosis isn't great.

Cardio rehab really spells all that out and will give your husband a personalised roadmap for exactly what he needs to do. Completing a cardio rehab course is a critical next step.

Good luck!

[Exie8]

All very good advice in these comments but I think you need support more than your husband right now. Is there someone you can talk to about how scared and anxious you are feeling and how hard things are for you right now?

From my own experience the fear and worry never goes away but you learn to live with it to some extent. I wish you well.

[KIMMY60]

A little plain chocolate is actually good for your heart but only two chunks a day. Maybe one plain biscuit at elevenses or evening drink wouldn't hurt and not make him feel like he has too totally not snack. A sweet red apple chopped up helps with sweet cravings

[Warm-heart]

Hi Pebbles111, this is so awful for you to go through I know, and I am so sorry. He will recover though, it is just getting through this phase to recovery and hopefully as time goes by you will be able to relax more that he is now going to be ok. I find the book for a diet that really helps is 'The Pioppi Diet' written by a cardiologist, it is a mediterranean style diet.amazon.co.uk/Pioppi-Diet-21... .I am also just listening to this gorgeous relaxing music 'for heart, blood vessels and nervous system' that you might enjoy youtube.com/watch?v=wmhk2XG...(Not working as expected?) . Please keep us updated on how you and your husband are doing. My husband had a heart attack and stents about 15 years ago now and is doing fabulously. Take courage and very best wishes & look after yourself x

[daveshop]

Hi iam sure your husband feels guilty not being able to help you as he knows how hard it is for both of you to do everything I felt terrible when I was in hospital having a new valve then pacemaker fitted as I'd left my wife to cope with running our business also when I got home having to watch her doing every thing but as she said if I don't do as doctors said are be back in hospital we'll I did do as told and I got back to doing all I did before its coming up to 3 years now and all is well a worrying time for you both but things will get better it just takes time