Please someone help me....my husband is 39 and has just last week come home from hospital after 2weeks and diagnosis of heart failure (LVSD) his EF is 15% so not the best.......I'm currently due to have baby no8 in 2 weeks and struggling......
He's given up already, convinced himself that hes dying and there's no point in trying to improve his lifestyle. . . I'm suggesting things Luke new ways of cooking, new recipes to try, but he's just not interested. Everything I'm doing is wrong because I won't allow him to drink or smoke. His words are " I'm not me anymore I'm just an empty shell, its not worth trying anything as there's only one way its going".
I'm trying not to get too upset but he's no fight, me and the kids are not worth fighting for. I just don't know what to do .
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME
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Claire011
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That’s horrible for you. No good advice as I’ve only got Angina. But the first weeks were hardest for me to deal with. It is a massive shock. There are plenty of stages to the mental side - hopefully he’s still in his first. I’ve gone from very weak and crying at anything ...back to mildly productive. I hope his mindset will evolve for you all.
Dear Claire, I'm sorry to hear about your husband and it's a scary time. It must be so difficult for you too with baby on the way... But please tell him that I was diagnosed with LVSD and EF of 10-15 % just over two years ago. With medication it has improved loads and last time I was checked (just over a year ago) it was 40%and I was signed off from the hospital and I'm working again. I think that it would have helped me at that time to hear how others had improved. When I was first diagnosed I really thought the worst too. And it was really hard for my other half to hear my fear. At the moment your husband is so focused on his diagnosis he can't see anything else, even you. But he will improve and he will feel better and reconnect to you all, it's early days yet. PS you're doing the right thing encouraging him not to smoke or drink, the medication doesn't mix very well with drink (it makes me feel pretty awful) and smoking won't help for sure!
Hi, sorry to hear bout your husband, my husband also has heart failure & whilst he doesn't smoke he does like a drink now & then though he will usually only have 2. He also gets cross with me when I remind him of his HF!! Its such early days for you both & you have both got such a lot on your plate. Can you ask your GP for counselling & re-hab, that really helped my husband with his depression. Take care, think of yourself also xx
At 39, this is tough. I can tell you the first few weeks after a devastating diagnosis are the worst, and there are many stages to go through before acceptance of one's condition and the decision to fight. But choosing to fight and live is not something you can do for him. Hearing from others who have gone or are going through similar challenges may help him. My foremost concern as I read your post is for you. The stress of his illness and his attitude on you is harmful for you and for the baby inside you. Do what you can to keep yourself as calm and steady as you can while you go through this. I wish you the best.
What a difficult life you have. You must be feeling very scared. Does your own family support you in these trying times? I think you need to hear some very disturbing facts. It would appear from what your husband has said to you makes me wonder whether he has actually been ill for some time and because of this was very concerned for his future. What he has been through has again given him the biggest fright he has ever had and because of his lifestyle, he knows he must change. Now here is the fact of the matter, a drinker will only stop drinking when they actually want to. That is why so many alcoholics fail because they are being forced to change and have as yet, not made up their mind to actually do something about it. No one can actually give you advice, all you have to do is keep the family safe and well and try and give him the support to help him change and to tell him that he is slowly and surly killing himself. Does he have a job, a career, what are/were his aspirations? What about changing career, going back to college to improve his prospects? Do you think any of this will help? For your own preservation you could speak to the family doctor however they will say that until your husband is ready, no one can help him. It is a terribly sad position to be in - has he a friend to have speak to him? Has anyone actually confronted his drinking? Amazing to think that even after a catastrophic event and his hospitalisation. How did he get by whilst in hospital with his addictions? You will have to love and support him even when you feel totally alone - however there must come a time where you have to think of yourself and your children. As I said, no one can give you answers just as much factual information as possible. Please let us know through these pages, how you get on. Even if we can't help we can talk to you and let you know you are not alone. Be strong!
He had no signs or symptoms prior to being taken Ill . it has come completely out of the blue.....he had a niggly cough from before Xmas and was struggling to sleep. He went to the GP and she sent him to hospital. At first they thought flu/pnuemonia . . .then a blood clot in his heart. Then 3 lots of ECG can back abnormal. It went from there.he has a cardiac MR next week. He was fine not drinking/smoking in hospital but now he's home he's finding it hard.
We've always talked about everything before but he's just closed up. . I get its a scary time, but I'm here for him. He's looking at bloody funeral plans for god sake.
The MRI will help find out what has caused this and help with the right medication. It will all help with the worry too. The more he sees the medical teams the more normal it becomes and the anxiety levels drop. It's good that it's happening so fast to get sorted so he'll be in a better position when your new baby comes. It's so hard for you too but you are there for him and he'll see that as the anxiety goes.
Hello, I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s condition and the situation you and your family are in. I do sympathise. My husband is older than yours at 56. He was diagnosed with a heart condition after a “chest infection” and suspected blood clot on the he lung that actually wasn’t. The left side of his heart was big and baggy and his EF 10-15%. His condition is Dilated Cardiomyopathy. He made a big improvement with the right medicines. Everyone is different and as your husbas’s drug therapy kicks in and time passes things will settle. It’s a huge shock for both of you and all of your family. There’s lots of support available, from his cardiology team and the BHF nurse helpline too, not just for patients but their families as well. I found them really knowledgeable, kind and supportive - their help has been invaluable. Please don’t struggle alone but reach out for help. Your GP and midwife should be able to help. People of this forum will always be here for you too. Best wishes to you, your husband and your family.
Claire I have LVSD heart failure. I was 10 -15% EF less than a year ago. Last scan I was about 48%, normal starts at 55%. It’s hard but doable. Look at Pumping Marvellous if you haven’t found it yet, it’s a closed group just for heart failure. All ages and experience. It might help you. There are plenty of us living with HF and doing it well. Many for 10, 15, 20 years. It isn’t inevitably the immediate end, but most gave to change lifestyle. Hope he gets his head around it all.
Hi Claire, I had a heart attack 3 months ago despite living a very healthy lifestyle and I've been on an emotional roller- coaster ever since. It shakes your confidence and destroys your self image and esteem. This forum, my community cardiac specialist nurse and cardiac rehab have been really supportive and will help you too. Remember you've also had a massive shock and It's turned your life upside down as well. If you've been able to talk about everything before then that will eventually return but at the moment, because he feels secure with you he's taking all his mixed emotions out on you. (Sorry-amateur psychology!) Please put yourself first and look after yourself because you need to stay well for the baby and other children. Is there a Homestart in your area? It's a great organisation that provides volunteers (trained and D.R.B. checked) to help families. Your midwife or health visitor can refer you and also let you know if there are any other local initiatives that can help. We all need outside help at some point in our lives but I know from personal experience that when you're used to coping it's difficult to accept! Best wishes
Hi Claire, firstly I just want to say how sorry I am to hear what you are all going through. I was diagnosed with Heart Failure approximately 4 years ago when I was 32 and my daughter was just over one and a half. It was the scariest time and I was just like your husband, I convinced myself that I wouldn't be around much longer. I think the nature of the condition and the uncertainty and the doctor saying it effects everyone differently made me panic - (plus I made the mistake of checking out Dr Google).
I wish there was an instant cure for your husbands state of mind but I'm afraid that in my case it was just time in learning to live my life a bit differently and have lower expectations for what I could do... All I can say Is now with medication and a bi-ventricular pacemaker my symptoms have reduced I am much more positive, all I can suggest is you be there and get your husband to join in with the family as much as possible and take things slowly. Good luck x
Hello Claire 011 ,
I was diagnosed with possible heart attack and my life tenure given was 3 months in 2015 . They said all the arteries are blocked , platelet count fell down , lung infection was severe , blood sugar 248 , and even with successful operation I would live only for 3 months . I told them thank you , tore of all the prescriptions came home and had taken only homeopathic drugs . Now every thing has come back to normalcy and I am perfectly alright . I am 68 to day . So , tell your husband to be brave and optimistic . One would get the strength to face any challenge in life if one tries to reach out to those who are in need and helpless condition . What ever I could do I try to do in my limited capacity . Children are grown up and I dedicate all my resources whether it is physical , emotional , financial or medical . in this respect . So life is not for self pity , defeatism or depression . This message I am posting to give hope to all who get depressed desperate and not for self promotion .
Sorry to hear about this, It is a shock to the system when a doctor tells you that one of your main vital organs has an issue. I was diagnosed with arrhythmia and a severely enlarged left ventricle in October of last year, I'm now nearly 4 months into this journey and have learned a lot. It is a real roller coaster and you will have good and bad days. I'm now confirmed to have an ablation procedure which i'm not looking forward to but you have to somehow get through it. I've always been an athlete, eaten very healthily and i'm only 43. If his two main gripes are not being able to smoke or drink there are good alternatives on the market (and much healthier and I say that as an ex smoker who quit over 4 years ago) Try one of the nicotine inhalers or a vape which are far healthier (and a darn sight cheaper!). There are also some very palatable non alcoholic beers on the market now too. The one thing that you have to have is hope to keep going, if you are going to believe in anything, believe in yourself.
It is a shock, and it will take time for your husband to come to terms with it. He is having ALL bad days at the moment, but hopefully over time he'll just have a few. Xxx
Apixaban 5 mg twice a day. Previously on.Warfaarin but after a stroke in 2016 , changed to Apixaban. Complete recovery from the stroke still have AF but no apparent side effects from the Apixaban.
Hi Claire, He's very young to have this, however as was explained to us heart medicine is one of the most researched areas of medicine. Our specialist said as far as heart failure is concerned LVSD is one of the easier things to treat. My husband was a life long smoker but after cutting down over several months he was finally jolted into giving up the weed completely after his diagnosis. He had a EF of 7% at one stage last test was 25% he is 68 and despite being one of the most reluctant/resistant patients ever is taking the tablets! He has now been fitted with a CRT-D as he has other things going on. My husband still drinks but usually only at weekends , I know strictly speaking he shouldn't but at least he is doing everything else. Giving up smoking is the first thing your husband needs to do It will be good for him and the rest of the family. But its hard when your down anyway. Its a shock to be diagnosed with this as young as 39. but he needs to be less egocentric and think of his family too and everything he will miss if he doesn't take care of himself. I also think taking the words heart failure out of the mix may help, his heart isn't working as well as it should may be a better less dismal phrase. I think this is quite a normal response especially for males, he is cross and angry he needs to be allowed that too. Hope things improve for you soon, try and get him to see he could be a better person rather than a different person. Good luck with the baby.
Hello, I feel that this is a familiar problem to me and I think I might help you with some personal informal conversation. I suffered from major heart attack and the cause was heart failure early in December, 2018. The heart failure still continues while I am under cardiac rehabilitation programme. I feel it is a very depressing condition because the blood pressure gets very low and one feels very weak at heart. The heart is a main thing, if it is weak and unhappy then everything in the body and life is affected, even our close relatives and the loved ones. My family do not feel happy when I am sitting in this condition, they become very sensitive and try their best to keep me happy and feeling alive. A recent advice from a cardiologist specialist who visited me at the hospital has been very helpful and positive, it has started to change my life and change the moods of my family. His advice has been not to think too much about my heart condition and not worry about it. I should change the subject as I get depressed and too thoughtful about it, just regard the heart attack and the heart failure as something that has happened and to be overlooked, I should look forward ahead in life, continue to live the normal life and re-instate it with newer experiences, important thing is to start living and being alive all the time, hoping that the heart will pull forward and re-instate its normal activity. My experience in religion is that the more I think about death and welcoming death for a life hereafter, the more I feel alive and wanting to live a healthy and happy life in the present world, more friendly with my family and friends. The scientific logic doesn't make sense as thinking of death in a religious faith does not bring depression and negative thoughts to heart and mind but rather quite the opposite. I think you and your husband should think more about living a successful life, that is a healthy and normal life. Hope that the problem will heal itself over time, and that patience is a virtue. I have learnt from further research of my heart failure, that I had this problem since early childhood but didn't know and didn't realise earlier till after my heart attack when scientific diagnosis has been done with printed reports. If it's a heart illness, it was hidden and unknown, maybe since birth. Over the years I just lived regardless of the illness and so have been successful in living a life. I do have breathing problems and find new ways to overcome them and conceal them from people and community. Some of the new ways are talking a little less, resting more frequently, sitting down rather than remain standing, stretch the legs on the floor as that helps to normalise blood pressure and increase pumping efficiency. Some of the new ways I learn from observing the domestic animals and birds, for after all they also have a heart like ours and they preservere with lot much hard experiences in life than humans. I hope that the above helps you to stop worrying too much and live a happy life with family.
My mum was diagnosed with heart failure after her second baby in her late 20s, early 30s. In those days there was no treatment but she lived to be 69. If she could live so long without treatment or help then your husband has a duty to you and himself to take the advice he's been given. Heart failure is not a death sentence. It can be managed and if the worst comes to the worst in time, these days there are chances of a transplant. I would suggest talking to his doctor.
Claire011, I was admitted to hospital with pnuemonia to be told that I had heart failure too at 36. (It be 3 years, at the end of February). My EF was under 15%, and I was in hospital for 2 and a half weeks. It turned out that my heart failure was caused by a virus attacking my heart. From what the doctors told me. If the heart failure was coursed by a virus, you have got a better chance at recovery. Compared to if it is down to wear and tear.
When I was admitted to Hospital, the doctors told my family they don't know what the future will hold for me. Or how much recovery I will make. Because it was so bad, the consultant referred me to a heart transplant hospital. As he thought that I might have to be put on to a heart transplant list in the future.
It was worse for me, after getting home. Because I didn't know what my future hold, will I be able to do the stuff that I enjoyed before etc. Or will it be that I won't be able to do any of that again.
Fast Forward 3 years. My EF is in the high 40%. Because of my recovery, I didn't need to go onto a heart transplant list. And I am more unless back to normal. Yes I do still get tired easily, if it's been a busy day etc. But work has been great, allowing me to split my time between working in the office and at home. Of course due to the natural of my job. I do find. That I can do a lot more at home, then if I was in the office. I am still doing the similar things as before. So nothing much has changed.
Lucky for me, even before I had heart failure. I didn't smoke, and I didn't drink that often.
strong lady,you clearlymust be.Husband shocked and depressed.Normal male response to life threatening news.Thus can you both contact,GP,cardiac nurse,other folk with low EF,family and friends to cope with your other kids a bit,antenatal team for your own support.he has to make the diet/ fags etc changes himself.he is grieving at the moment.Thus step back from understandably trying to stop him doing these and salvage focus onto positives( nice food healthier but not sold as such..lean steaks,bit of red wine etc.
men can be like mules when told to stop things.
try to off load your kids to friends so you and he get times to be together without anyone so you can talk it through,bit by bit.
most of all,take care of yourself,your unborn child,your 7 other kids.
You must all be very shocked.There is hope ahead.Both of you,believe in the future.
Hi Claire, I too have just been diagnosed with HF and an ejection fraction of 20%. Your husband sounds as though he would benefit from some counselling. Does he have a HF Specialist Nursing Team who could help. You sound as though you could do with some support too. There are also support groups, where people who know exactly what he's going through could help. The term Heart failure sounds so very frightening, but many people go on to lead normal lives. I think your husband is reeling from the shock of his diagnosis, and may even be depressed. I also felt down and thought it was a life sentence, but now I've started medication I feel a lot better. Life is precious, and you both have so much to look forward to. Can he talk to his GP?
Hi Claire ,try not to google as I did. I was diagnosed almost 12 months to the day as u will see on my post . My EFwas around 10 percent at hospital and every thing was all doom and gloom.Ichanged consultants to a highly recommend one in Manchester ,had an mri scan and with right meds I’m now EF of 50 percent my life is normal it is hard to get my head around how I’ll i felt .having an ablation on Thursday if successful with a view to coming off some medications. What I’m trying to say is explore all avenues if possible as a different out look may aliviate some worry hope all goes well.
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